Hurting

9 Posts | Page(s): 1 

Hurting

by C0rthecorruptor on Sat Jul 16, 2005 12:00 AM

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Hi, my name is Corona I lost my mother 5 months ago to small cell lung cancer. The pain is so bad all I have is visions of her suffering I was with her last days I think my head is messed up forever. My mother was only 49 years old and I am only 26. I know there are millions of people going through what I went through and my heart breaks for those people. Nobody should suffer this terrible disease. What I saw just ruined me inside my mother was such a good person and my poor father he lost his best friend. I have no words for him he has to be suffering worst then me. I came on here today because I need to read and maybe talk to people who know what I am going through because nobody understands until they go through it I had someone in my life for ten years who I thought loved me he showed me love is very blind he wasn’t there for me for the whole thing I cant understand you love someone you feel there pain. Know? I was blind I guess my mother is the only one who could ever give me the love I need and she is gone!! I miss her so much. How do I get through this!! Someday are unbearable I keep praying cause that is all I have and my father. My heart goes out to anyone suffering and all the stories I hear breaks my heart god bless all...

Hurting

by Hurtconfused on Sun Jul 17, 2005 12:00 AM

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I saw your message and had to respond. My heart and prayers go out to you. My situation is just the opposite as yours. My girlfriend's mother has just been diagnosed with cancer and has been given only several months. I have done everything in the earth to be there for her and she has pushed me away. My girl friend that is. I am at a loss for words right now because she has just text messaged me that she never wants anything to do with me again. My girlfriend has never acted this way to me until we got the news of her mother. We had a very good relationship. When I read your message I could hardly see through the tears to type. I know things must be very hard for you and your family, but it will get better with time. Im only 28 and I dont have a whole lot of experience with this sort of thing, but maybe we can exchange some thoughts and ideas to help each other out. I have posted some messages on this site under the caregivers section as hurt and confused and under the primary liver cancer section. please check them out and see what you think maybe you could give me some insight every one else has missed. I too could possibly be some help to you, or at least try. Bless your heart and try to hang in there.

Corina

by Hurtconfused on Sun Jul 17, 2005 12:00 AM

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The section is need advice under the caregivers heading not hurt and confused. sorry!

to Hurt and Confused

by C0rthecorruptor on Sun Jul 17, 2005 12:00 AM

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I hope you are getting this, first off thank you for responding, my advice to you is never stop being there for your girlfriend she needs you so much right now, I wish my boyfriend wanted to be there for me. When my ex boyfriend’s best friend died he pushed me away he blamed me. Sometimes when we are hurting we take it out on the ones we love my heartbreaks for your girlfriend. Don’t give up on her be there for her because she is going to need a lot of support even if she tells you she don’t want you she really doesn’t mean it. If you had a strong relationship before that love will help her through this time. Again thank you so much if you need any more advice be free to write. God bless you and your girlfriend is in my prayers and her mother.

Hurt and Confused

by Hurtconfused on Sun Jul 17, 2005 12:00 AM

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Hi Corina. My name is Joey. Thanks for your advice, and I hope this message finds you well. I don't understand why someone would push away a person they know loves them, even in a time of crisis. I dont know if you had the chance to read my other messages to get the back ground of my problem or not. You said in your first message that your relationship with your boyfriend has been going on for 10 or so years. That is alot of time. My ex-girlfriend and I have known each other for probably 7 years but only were together about 6 months, but we were really close. Her mom that is sick and I worked together for 4 years, and her brother is one of my best friends. But to be honest I dont know if thats going to be enough to hold us all together through this. I love them very much. I used to be a industrial arts teacher, my moms a teacher and my ex's mom was a teacher and so is my ex. So its not like we will not ever be in contact. Its just right now she will not have any parts of me, and I can't even imagine any thing I did wrong. Her brother said that when I sent her flowers or a letter or card to try and brighten her day it just made her mad and pushed her away further. Now she said there will never be a chance. It was in the end of april when her mom first became ill. Things started to change and I thought that the right thing to do was try and help out around their house, because her father can't do any thing and her brother never helps. I also tried to be there as much as I could to support my then girlfriend but it seemed like she was pulling away. When her mother had surgery and they told the family she only had several months to a year. She understandably lost it, and the woman I love has never been the same. I got the "I have to put things on hold" breakup thing over the phone. I had just got done cutting her grass so she would'nt have to worry about it when she returned from the hospital. She was not back in town 5 minutes before I got the call. I have not seen her since Mothers Day, and have not talked to her in weeks. I just don't know what to do. Im really worried that I will not ever get to see her mom again, she and I was pretty tight. But for some reason they don't want me around. Well at least I hope your having a better day! I would like to see how your doing too. I hope things are better. I check my messages quite often. Hope to hear from you.

Your Mom

by Karly on Fri Nov 18, 2005 12:00 AM

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Hi there, I'm 25 and my mom, who is 46 was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer in August. We have been fighting it ever since. I am so sorry that you lost your mother. I can't imagin lossing my mom either. I also know what you mean about your father losing his right arm. I am an only child and my mom and dad are such a team it breaks my heart to think of him without her. This has been a very hard time for us and I feel fortunate to have my mom here still even if she is sick. In regards to your boyfriend.... there are no words. How he could abandon you in such a critical time is heartless. I could see that maybe he doesn't know how to deal with this so instead he just runs away... ya know fight or flight. That being said, it dosen't make it right. I am sorry you were stranded by him. I guess it is better you found out that this is the sort of man he is now but, that doesn't help either. I am sorry, I hope you can find comfort with your dad and with your prayers. you are in prayers, god bless, Karly

Hurting

by Nutmeg on Mon Dec 05, 2005 12:00 AM

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lost my sister yesterday to lung cancer ...i just read your message that was posted in July...are you feeling better ..do you have advice for me and how to deal with my loss? Thanks so much and be good to yourself. Terry

Terry

by C0rthecorruptor on Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:00 AM

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my heart breaks for you it takes time just keep busy and talk about it. i had to go on medacation it hurts all the time but i feel like i could go on now i spend time with my father and friends and just work,well thank you for your message,god bless you and you family sorry for your lost

RE: Hurting

by Longing on Wed Sep 12, 2012 05:35 AM

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When I read your message, I could feel what you are describing.  It's like a dripline of pain that goes through my veins. I can't get away from it.  It's like dispair.  And then all at once, something insignificant happens and the pain is gone.  It's been going on since my mother died two years ago.  The pain is still there, but the fuzziness behind my forehead is starting to clear.

My mother died of an unidentified form of cancer which they decided to diagnose as lung cancer, even though they never found where it originated.  She was ill for three years and I shared the care of her with my sibs.  Fights broke out among us about her care and I watched helplessly as my own life fell apart.

The picking up the pieces doesn't seem a straightforward process.  I can observe they are broken, but I don't find the will to fix them or start anew.  I think this is what grief is about.  Drugs, even aspirin, can help somewhat, making appointments with friends to go out, going on with the routines of your regular activities can help, but something changed deep inside and it became difficult for me to find the road again.  Like I went off the road and when I got back up to get back on it, it wasn't there anymore and I'm not sure where the shovel is to start building a new one.

Thanks for the many helpful comments.

Longing

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