Nervous To Even Write This!?!??!?

Hi everyone,

i m 6 weeks out from Tonsil cancer treatments 40 Rad and 3 sessions of cysplatian.

Was Hell as all whoare here know, but went well and I have my 1st clean scan and starting to feel better Physically.

BUT mentally I am really having problems getting my hands around all of this.

I am on Lexapro 10 mg (i may start taking 20mg to see if that helps)

Going to therapy 1x/wk

I wake up scared to start the day and what Bad things may be out there for me!!

I am 47 male and this has been my first sickness, have been very luckl up to now, but I feel that cancer has made up for the first 47!!!!!

I have a wonderful wife and 10yr old son

may wife has went to Fla for the long holiday weekend to see her parents it has been a yr and her Mom is not that well, so jack ans I are home alone, and i have anxiety about everything???

AM I GOING CRAZY FROM THIS CANCER

HAVE OTHER PEOPLE GOTTEN THREW THIS?

i DO NOT KNOW WHY I AM NOT JUMPING FOR JOY WITH GOOD REPORTS?????

THANK YOU ALL

John 

Hi, John.

I think your problem is exactly what you said....you have been healthy for 47 years, and now you get cancer. Just like me, I was disgustingly healthy for 52 years, barely had colds or flu bugs, missed 3 days of work due to illness in my life. Then one day out of the blue BANG! You have cancer. All of a sudden, you realize that youre not indestructable any more. It's like getting hit in the face.

But look at what else you said... you have a wonderful wife and a 10 yr old son, and a clean PET scan. You have a lot going for you there. Like many others here, let this experience help you to appreciate what you have more than ever. Others have said, and I agree fully, that this experience has made them a better person. It has for me.  Dont let this experience tear you down, let it build you up.

Best wishes,

Mike

 

thank you mike

Want to have that happen, just really having a problem getting there metally

any tricks that you used to help or where you right there out of the gate?

john 

On 7/4/2008 mtkjohn1 wrote:

thank you mike

Want to have that happen, just really having a problem getting there metally

any tricks that you used to help or where you right there out of the gate?

john 

What Mike said is actually the best advice. Are you able to actually print it out and hang it up so you can really read it several times a day? Sometimes when you are nervous, you don't really process what someone says to you (think doctor's office). Also, this is new to you. Don't beat yourself up for being anxious, just go with it and in a bit of time, it will subside when your brain has processed everything. Does it help to do research or writing things out?

Cari,

I am writing a journal everyday which I feel is really helping and I spend a lpt of time on this board reading and writing to other people who  understand cancer better than people who do not.

On 7/4/2008 mtkjohn1 wrote:

Cari,

I am writing a journal everyday which I feel is really helping and I spend a lpt of time on this board reading and writing to other people who  understand cancer better than people who do not.

I am working with my son with his anger management and I tell him that one cannot be mad at life if one is grateful and purposely goes through, almost like a mantra, all the things in one's life you are grateful for. My house, I have a car, I am never going without food, etc.

John,

My husband has nasopharyngeal cancer - stage IV - 35 radiation with chemo and now awaiting second of three carboplatin tx. We have 2 boys - 8 and 11. I think cancer is inherently anxiety producing for everyone in the family. He has been reading some books on mindful meditation. It is not a cure all, but has helped both of us accept this day by day. His favorite is by Jon Kabat-Zinn, "Wherever you go, there you are." His collegue, Elana Rosenbaum wrote a book on this subject from a cancer prespective (she is a survivor). I think the title was "Here for now: Living with Cancer through mindfulness." He liked the first book better as it is about stress, anxiety in general and he found it hard to read about her cancer when he was in the middle of his own fight.  

Best of wishes - this is a tough fight!

Cathie 

 

 

John, one thing that helped was looking at the people in the doctor's ofices, the chemo room and the radiation center. There were a LOT of folks there just as sick as I was, or even worse. The realization that it wasnt just ME, but all of us helped.

One big thing that has helped me a lot is to be on here, helping out people ( like you ) that are following me down this path of sickness and recovery. I found this place just as I was finishing my treatments, and I find sharing my experiences and learning from others very therapeutic. You can do the same, there's always someone on here just starting treatment or getting their initial diagnosis. Just jump in and share what you've learned from all this and then sit back and see how good it feels to help.

Like Red Green says, keep your stick on the ice, we're all in this together.

Mike

Wow, ditto Mike

 

Hi, I so agree with what everyone preceding me wrote. It is so normal, I think, how you are feeling. I think as time goes by and the shock wears off you will feel better. I also love this site because it makes me feel I'm not alone and can talk to people who've "been there done that."  Consider this, when you wake up in the morning say to yourself: " Yeah! I'm still here!". Wishes for a speedy and full recovery to you. Ellen :}