And So Life Carries On....

And so life carries on....That's the only way I can put it.  It's been 7 months since my Daddy has passed away, and a year this week since he was diagnosed with stomach cancer.  A year ago my son and I went to visit him in intensive care with all of the fears, and all of the hope in our hearts the world could possibly offer.  I can say this much, the good days really do start to outweigh the bad.  I have my moments, but otherwise, the unbearable-ness of it all has improved.  I still think about the lowest points sometimes, like when he was really sick,  but the good things, like his laugh, his strength, the way he was Dad. Those things really shine through now.  And the only thing that really hurts so much now is knowing such a strong, wonderful person had to rally against such a horrible battle.  I have my own battles now, and I realize I need to shine through them as much and as best as I can, because I never know when my day will come.  To all of my friends here still fighting the battle, and to those rallying to their side, keep your chins up and your hearts soaring!  To my friends like me, wading through life without some of these warriors, wear their badges with pride and in honor of them! No day is ever guaranteed to any of us! Live, love, and keep faith always!!

What a beautiful message! Thank you. Ellen

Tashfish, Your message was indeed beautiful.  Glad you are doing better.  My husband Mike died on February 22 (4 1/2 months ago) from stomach cancer but I am not yet at the point you are.  The unbearableness is still overwhelming.  I can't believe he is gone.  Yes, life does go on, but my heart is broken and there are days I don't want to get out of bed.  But, Mike struggled to survive and I will survive too.  Because of him. 

Take Care,

Diane, Mike's wife

Your message made my day, because it has been 9 months for me and I am just starting to see how the good days really do outweigh the bad. Like you, I have my moments, but I bounce back from them quicker than I used to. I still have some not so pretty pictures in my head, but I also have the vision of his smiling face, his laugh, and what an amazing father he was,

 

Thank you for your beautiful message.

 

On 7/9/2008 Anniedips wrote:

Tashfish, Your message was indeed beautiful.  Glad you are doing better.  My husband Mike died on February 22 (4 1/2 months ago) from stomach cancer but I am not yet at the point you are.  The unbearableness is still overwhelming.  I can't believe he is gone.  Yes, life does go on, but my heart is broken and there are days I don't want to get out of bed.  But, Mike struggled to survive and I will survive too.  Because of him. 

Take Care,

Diane, Mike's wife

Dear Diane, Mike's wife,  I just came across your message today and oh how your message struck me.  I can just feel your sadness and pain.  My husband has lung cancer with mets to the bone and last month the doctor said he should be fine and said he didn't have to come back for another 3 months.  Well, he's been in so much pain that we're scared silly that it's growing again.  He has an MRI tomorrow, ordered by the doctor.  Tom is celebrating his 57th birthday today and I thank God for that, but last November the doctor said he only has 6-9 months left.  Well, we passed the 6 month mark in June and August (the 9 month mark) is quickly approaching.  Tom is my life and every breath I take as I'm sure it was the same with your Mike.  I can't imagine life w/o him.   I just want you to know that I'm crying with you and I feel so bad for you.  I've been praying for you all day.  If I find myself in your shoes, I don't know how I'll carry on although i'm sure with God's help I will.  But I just don't want to face that very real possibility.  I just had to write and tell you so.  Take care dear Diane and God be with you.  Do you have children?  We don't other than 2 very dear step children, but it's not the same.  I try to look on the bright side, but I keeping thinking back to the doctors words "6-9 months".  I get sick with worry.  I try to treasure every day, but when he's in so much pain as he has been, it devesates me.  Kathy

Dear Kathy,

Thank you for your prayers and kind words of support.  It is so hard.  I am hoping that your Tom had a good MRI today - I know you are probably on pins and needles.  6-9 months does not mean anything.  The doctors don't know when a patient's time comes, only the Good Lord knows.  My Mike lived three years with stage IV stomach cancer.  When he couldn't eat or swallow again, then we knew the cancer was back.  He fought so hard and lived longer with gastroesophageal (upper stomach) cancer than any other patient at the hospital where he was treated.

I know how scared you feel.  Any time Mike would get a new pain or had trouble eating, I thought that was the end.  His quality of life was not good the last six months of his life.  But he never complained. 

We had such a good relationship, even worked together.  We always laughed.  He was my best friend.  Yes, I have two grown children and four grandchildren whom I adore.  If it were not for those grandkids, I wouldn't get out of bed in the morning.  They are my reason for living. 

Kathy, do not lose hope...that is the worse thing you can do.  Treasure your time with Tom and support him totally.  Also, try to take care of yourself, he does not want to see you stressed.  You sound like you have a prince of a man.  I hope you have more time together and his pain goes away.  I will include both of you in my prayers.  

My belief is that I will see Mike again...for eternity.  

Sincerely,

DIane, Mike's wife

 

On 7/10/2008 Anniedips wrote:

Dear Kathy,

Thank you for your prayers and kind words of support.  It is so hard.  I am hoping that your Tom had a good MRI today - I know you are probably on pins and needles.  6-9 months does not mean anything.  The doctors don't know when a patient's time comes, only the Good Lord knows.  My Mike lived three years with stage IV stomach cancer.  When he couldn't eat or swallow again, then we knew the cancer was back.  He fought so hard and lived longer with gastroesophageal (upper stomach) cancer than any other patient at the hospital where he was treated.

I know how scared you feel.  Any time Mike would get a new pain or had trouble eating, I thought that was the end.  His quality of life was not good the last six months of his life.  But he never complained. 

We had such a good relationship, even worked together.  We always laughed.  He was my best friend.  Yes, I have two grown children and four grandchildren whom I adore.  If it were not for those grandkids, I wouldn't get out of bed in the morning.  They are my reason for living. 

Kathy, do not lose hope...that is the worse thing you can do.  Treasure your time with Tom and support him totally.  Also, try to take care of yourself, he does not want to see you stressed.  You sound like you have a prince of a man.  I hope you have more time together and his pain goes away.  I will include both of you in my prayers.  

My belief is that I will see Mike again...for eternity.  

Sincerely,

DIane, Mike's wife

Thank you Diane.  I will keep the board posted on the MRI results.  I'm so glad you believe in eternity.  It's what keeps me going.  I don't know what I would do without our church and all the support we receive.  This board has been a god send. 

I know deep down that when the doctors say you only have ____months that it's just statistics.  I so wish they would NOT do that.  You're right, only God knows and will decide.

It's so nice to be able to talk with someone who truly understands.  I too get stressed even if he tells me he has a hang nail. I know I'm exagerating, but I think you know what I mean.  I'm trying desperately not to lose hope, but I don't want Tom to suffer either.  He is a very strong man.  He was in quite a bit of pain this morning, but took a pain pill and went to work!  I am afraid that we are probably going to have to look into filing for disability, as it takes so long to get it.  I think Congress is trying to pass a new bill that those with catastrophic illnesses can get it within 30 days, but that would be too much to hope for.  I only work part-time.

Well, I best quit rambling.  I don't want to burden you after what you've just been through.  Thank you for your post.  Kathy

Dear Diane, Mikes wife

Now I know why your husband was so strong. It's because he had an amazingly strong wife. Your message to Kathy was so heartfelt and touched me so deeply. I am sorry Mike is no longer with you and your family but he has obviously loved you very much. I admire your strength and hope that I can be as strong for my husband and children as you have been for yours. We always do what we have to for those we love and you are a true testament to that. Thank you for inspiring me.

~Christine

Kathy,

After reading your post, I had to write. We were never given a time frame (we never asked) and I am alot like you when it comes to worrying about every little thing. Hangnails, a cough, more fatigue than usual, etc. We have 3 children that I worry about and pray they dont have to live the rest of their life without thier dad. He is an amazing father. I have you and Tom in my prayers now and hope for strength to come his way. Please let us know about his MRI. Hold onto that hope that Diane talked about and know you are not alone!

~Christine

 

On 7/16/2008 2caret wrote:

Kathy,

After reading your post, I had to write. We were never given a time frame (we never asked) and I am alot like you when it comes to worrying about every little thing. Hangnails, a cough, more fatigue than usual, etc. We have 3 children that I worry about and pray they dont have to live the rest of their life without thier dad. He is an amazing father. I have you and Tom in my prayers now and hope for strength to come his way. Please let us know about his MRI. Hold onto that hope that Diane talked about and know you are not alone!

~Christine

Dear Christine,

Thank you so much for your message.  This board is just phenominal with kindness and support.  My husband's MRI showed no new growth, so for that we are obviously very greatful.  The doctor said the severe pain Tom is experiencing is from the bones having deteriorated so much from the cancer.  The doctor is going to put him back on Zometa starting tomorrow.  He'll have it done at the hospital, it's an IV Drip.  It won't help what is already deteriorated, but hopefully it will prevent further deterioration. 

I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to go through having cancer when you have young children.  It's bad enough going through it, but how do you explain it to young children and eleviate they're fears?  I'm so sorry for you and I too will keep your family in my prayers.

When I think about how I will handle the possibility of possibly losing my husband to this disease, I think about all the young families who lost a loved one on 9/11 so unexpectedly and so brutally.  That helps put things in perspective for me.  I hope I'm making sense. 

Thank you again Christine.  Also, please keep us posted on this board.

Kathy