Friends/Family Mm My Mistake

From Anna,

Hi all, This goes along a little with post about Charlie. Only a little mind you.  Years ago after Dad got sick I was good about keeping everyone up on him.  As time went on I realized few were asking about him.  Which now bugs the heck out of me.  I now see maybe I shouldn't have done that.  I get so upset now when people, friends/family don't ask about him.  My question is this has this happened with you?  How do you handle things? Do you just update them without them asking or wait for them ask?

Your friend,

Anna 

    Hi,

          Just because they don't ask doesn't mean they are not thinking about him. I have found they don't ask because it may upset you, may your dad had a bad day or wasn't feeling well. I find if I bring my husband's name up first or talk about how he is doing it opens the door.

People do care they just don't want to upset you especially going through this journey.

 

Mon ey

I agree.  I would just tell them how your dad is doing.  People are afraid to ask. 

Lois

Ditto!   My best friends mom has late stage Breast Cancer.  Our conversations don't revolve around her Mom.  When she needs to talk about it, she does.  When she needs to find the ground, and talk about her sons or horses or daily life adventures, she calls me.  If her mom has had a really bad day, we'll talk about that.  I rarely ask about her mom, and I've known both of them for over 30 years.    

From Anna,

Hi Money, Guess your right. Just get tired of doing all the telling.

Your friend,

Anna 

We tell those who ask.  Those who don't ask but want to know, usually find out from those who did ask.  I get more upset by the lack of inquiry about my wife's needs than anything. 

I think your response is totally rational...because that's how I feel ;-) 

Hi Anna!  I would just like to say that as a patient I like to work on the old adage of 'No news is GOOD news'!  As a patient I'm happy when people don't always inquire about the MM, or how I'm feeling, or how the treatment is going etc. and just treat me as 'normal'!!  I know that they are treating me in a positive manner, that they care greatly but understand how improtant it is to me not to dwell on the MM. 

 Its the same with the people on this board - I pray that those who are no longer 'active' on the board are doing well and that we will hear when they need to 'talk' again!  However, as seen with zazu's message, although my theory was right about Charlie, it was certainly wrong about Ron!  I hope that I learn from this experience!! 

Thanks for the messages about your dad -- I'm sure they give hope to many newly diagnosed patients - especially regarding longevity!!  Cheers, Cath

Anna:  I am happy that I read your message because the last week has put me thru MY down time being a caretaker.   I feel like right now everyone is avoiding me and my husband.   I don't know if it is because  we are going thru such bad times now but I get so down that I am fine while Dave is awake but when he is asleep (about all day) I just sat and cry.   I have had alot of people ask about him don't get me wrong but the ones that I thought would be there for us - are not there.   It breaks my heart and makes me very sad.   I don't know how to handle some of them.    Connie

From Anna,

Hi UTboy, Thanks for your response.  Hey are you from around the Knoxville area?

Your friend,

Anna 

Sorry Anna, in this case UT is short for Utah.