On 7/24/2008 cancersucksbad wrote:
sadness, does it get better?...my mom is dying of lung cancer at the cancer treatment centers of america in philly...in less than 9 months she went from a tiny spot that one Dr said would be easy to get rid of and now she is dying from the following..massive tumor growth in just 3 weeks, mrsa infection, black mold??..how she got that in an hospital i will never know..but it hurts so bad, all i do is cry and second guess myself..i have been here with her for 8 weeks and she is just declining so fast...i blame myself for bringing her here and my brothers blame me....i really have no desire to live anymore it is so tough.
I am so sorry about all you are going through. My dad died of cancer in 2006. He only lived about 6 months after his diagnosis. I urge you to not blame yourself. You did what you thought was best for your mom. Have you talked to those at CTCA about your concerns about your mom's treatment? I have only seen CTCA from the viewpoint as a patient but they seem quite nurturing to caregivers as well. Have you talked to a chaplain about your feelings. They are trained to help people with their emotions. I am not familiar with the Philly center. I go to Midwestern in Zion, Illinois. I would assume though that there are people you can talk to that will be helpful. I hope you and your brothers can unite at this time. Hang in there.