How Will She Die??

My mom has been living with this glioblastoma for eight months.  Over the weekend she decided to refuse any additional treatment and come home with hospice.  My family is united in supporting her decision and wanting to make this as peaceful and comfortable a time for her as possible.

But i'm scared.  She has already started having more confusion and short term memory loss.  She said this morning she has no strength or control of the muscles on her right side.  She is sleeping alot, eating less and wanting quiet.

I know it's diffierent for everyone, but can any one help with what to expect? and what to do as she gets more confused.  And how to stay strong for her and my family through this.  Hospice has been great, but mostly we're in this as a family. 

She is a great mom.  I want to do right by her.

Many thanks for any help. 

Irene

Please go to www.brainhospice.com

The details will be there for you.

Irene,

     I don't have any answers for you. I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you and your Mom are going through this. Your Mom is blessed to have you. I will pray for you and your family.

                                                                       Pat

On 7/25/2008 reenie33 wrote:

My mom has been living with this glioblastoma for eight months.  Over the weekend she decided to refuse any additional treatment and come home with hospice.  My family is united in supporting her decision and wanting to make this as peaceful and comfortable a time for her as possible.

But i'm scared.  She has already started having more confusion and short term memory loss.  She said this morning she has no strength or control of the muscles on her right side.  She is sleeping alot, eating less and wanting quiet.

I know it's diffierent for everyone, but can any one help with what to expect? and what to do as she gets more confused.  And how to stay strong for her and my family through this.  Hospice has been great, but mostly we're in this as a family. 

She is a great mom.  I want to do right by her.

Many thanks for any help. 

Irene

Hi Irene,

Please check out the website recommended by the other responder.

Keep doing what you're doing for your mom.  Try to get her to eat a little, take some fluids whenever she can.  Let her eat and drink what she wants, but go easy on protein and salt, as these can shut her kidneys down. Pureed foods might be your best choice if she starts having trouble chewing and swallowing.

If she's confused, make sure she's safe, keep her from falling.  Take good care of her skin - keep it clean and dry.  Gentle massage with a very light lotion every 3-4 hours will help circulation. Hospice can help you with that.

As for staying strong, keep in mind that you are helping her live the rest of her life with dignity in the caring hands of those who love her.  What better gift could you give her?

take time away from the situation for yourself.  Try to find humor wherever you can.  cry if you need to.  encourage everyone to be involved, to the best extent they can, so that no one person has to carry too much of the load.

Most of all, talk to your mom.  Even if she's confused and not really responsive, she'll still hear you, so  talk to her.  tell her about the normal everyday things that are going on.  tell her you love her.  tell her about the silly thing the cat did, or whatever is amusing or cute.  Help her to still feel a part of the family - that will help YOU feel like she's still your mom.  Allow her peace and dignity to be your peace and dignity.

And know that you can always come back to cancercompass and find somebody to listen.

Sincerely, Tre

On 7/25/2008 trehouse60 wrote:

 

On 7/25/2008 reenie33 wrote:

My mom has been living with this glioblastoma for eight months.  Over the weekend she decided to refuse any additional treatment and come home with hospice.  My family is united in supporting her decision and wanting to make this as peaceful and comfortable a time for her as possible.

But i'm scared.  She has already started having more confusion and short term memory loss.  She said this morning she has no strength or control of the muscles on her right side.  She is sleeping alot, eating less and wanting quiet.

I know it's diffierent for everyone, but can any one help with what to expect? and what to do as she gets more confused.  And how to stay strong for her and my family through this.  Hospice has been great, but mostly we're in this as a family. 

She is a great mom.  I want to do right by her.

Many thanks for any help. 

Irene

Hi Irene,

Please check out the website recommended by the other responder.

Keep doing what you're doing for your mom.  Try to get her to eat a little, take some fluids whenever she can.  Let her eat and drink what she wants, but go easy on protein and salt, as these can shut her kidneys down. Pureed foods might be your best choice if she starts having trouble chewing and swallowing.

If she's confused, make sure she's safe, keep her from falling.  Take good care of her skin - keep it clean and dry.  Gentle massage with a very light lotion every 3-4 hours will help circulation. Hospice can help you with that.

As for staying strong, keep in mind that you are helping her live the rest of her life with dignity in the caring hands of those who love her.  What better gift could you give her?

take time away from the situation for yourself.  Try to find humor wherever you can.  cry if you need to.  encourage everyone to be involved, to the best extent they can, so that no one person has to carry too much of the load.

Most of all, talk to your mom.  Even if she's confused and not really responsive, she'll still hear you, so  talk to her.  tell her about the normal everyday things that are going on.  tell her you love her.  tell her about the silly thing the cat did, or whatever is amusing or cute.  Help her to still feel a part of the family - that will help YOU feel like she's still your mom.  Allow her peace and dignity to be your peace and dignity.

And know that you can always come back to cancercompass and find somebody to listen.

Sincerely, Tre

 

Tre, your message is so compassionate and understanding!

Thank you for all your kind words.  My mom is home, comfortable, sleeping alot, but safe and surrounded by the people who love her. 

She always talked about how important it was that her quality of life be as good as possible.  She has been struggling so much, and in so much emotional pain these last months. When she was first diagnosed, she talked with all of us about her wishes for end of life, but also her wishes for what she wanted if she had progression or deteroiration in her quality of life.   After she decided to stop treatment, I could see the peace in her face.  She thanked me after all the arrangements were made for hospice and said she felt really good. 

She has given our family the great gift of clarity and our job now is to put our efforts towards honoring her wishes. 

I just can't believe it's happening so fast and that one part of me knows this is what she wants, while the other part is just  -- my heart is just breaking. So many of us go through this.  I don't know why, but it helps to feel like my family is not alone. 

So we are doing small things with great love. 

Irene

I've not had to face this challenge yet but I know that it must be very scary. 

My husband has just now started losing the short term memory and seems to be 10 or more years back.  It's so very hard watching him go through this because I know if it was up to him, he'd not choose to be this way. 

It's lonely and scary because now I've lost my best friend and all I can do is take care of him and make him safe.  You feel helpless.

I know your Mom would want you to go on and greatly appreciate all you and your family are doing for her. She'll be going to another place away from this horrible beast. 

May God be with you and give you the strength to see this through.

I've not had to face this challenge yet but I know that it must be very scary. 

My husband has just now started losing the short term memory and seems to be 10 or more years back.  It's so very hard watching him go through this because I know if it was up to him, he'd not choose to be this way. 

It's lonely and scary because now I've lost my best friend and all I can do is take care of him and make him safe.  You feel helpless.

I know your Mom would want you to go on and greatly appreciate all you and your family are doing for her. She'll be going to another place away from this horrible beast. 

May God be with you and give you the strength to see this through.

On 7/26/2008 reenie33 wrote:

Thank you for all your kind words.  My mom is home, comfortable, sleeping alot, but safe and surrounded by the people who love her. 

She always talked about how important it was that her quality of life be as good as possible.  She has been struggling so much, and in so much emotional pain these last months. When she was first diagnosed, she talked with all of us about her wishes for end of life, but also her wishes for what she wanted if she had progression or deteroiration in her quality of life.   After she decided to stop treatment, I could see the peace in her face.  She thanked me after all the arrangements were made for hospice and said she felt really good. 

She has given our family the great gift of clarity and our job now is to put our efforts towards honoring her wishes. 

I just can't believe it's happening so fast and that one part of me knows this is what she wants, while the other part is just  -- my heart is just breaking. So many of us go through this.  I don't know why, but it helps to feel like my family is not alone. 

So we are doing small things with great love. 

Irene

Hi Irene

I often think of many on this board when in prayer but this morning I thought of three people (your mother was one) as we sang the hymn "Just A Closer Walk With Thee".  In particular the verse that goes:

Irene,

I can't offer much more than those that precede me.  I went through the very same questions and wonderments with my own mother some months back, and I think I can understand and identify with what you and your family have, and have yet, to go through.

The brainhospice website already mentioned was a Godsend, and I would highly recomment it to you. It's tough to face the realities you'll see there, but there was peace in knowing too.  I'm glad you've had 8 months with your mom.  We only had 3 months with my mother after diagnosis and surgery.

My advice?  As others have already stated, continue to treat her as a member of the family... talk to her... share stories, etc, and be patient with her when she isn't up to it.  If you're mom is still moble, take her out for rides in the car.  My mother loved that.  She could no longer read, talk, or make sence out of TV, but she LOVED to go for rides in the car.  We were able to do this right up to her last night.

My heart, thoughts and prayers will be with you.  You're not alone!

Dennis