Negative Oncologist!

Sorry to post this i just needed a rant. My sister who in our families' eyes is putting up such a fight against this cancer, she went from not being expected to becoming out of hospital, being sick (faceces) then still trying to eat, to being told by the oncologist to just go home and die, however  she insisted on trying chemo. In the past three months she has stopped being sick, is able to eat again and the fluid has gone from her stomach. Although she is still weak she is managing to get up and down the stairs by herself, going to the toilet by herself, making cakes and painting with her son and trying to be really positive, she couldnt get out of bed in hospital. I think she is amazing!

However,every three weeks before her big chemo she has to see her oncologist (the one who told her to go home). He just seems to be so negative and uninterested in her as a person. Instead of being 'youre doing well' or 'the chemo is doing something', he just focuses on your blood count is low could be the cancer bleeding, i can still feel a mass in their etc. Although i appreciated that she needs to know these things you think they could possibily put a positive comment in there somewhere to give her some hope.

She has now come back from seeing him the most depressed she has been, refusing breakfast and seeming to think that her stomach has gone huge again (it hasnt!), and that the chemo isn't working and that her cancer is getting bigger. Although we reassure her how much better she is it obviously undermined when the oncologist (the expert!) is being so negative.

Sorry again for my rant it just makes me feel so annoyed and useless, when she seems to be treated as a stastic and not a person!

 

On 8/7/2008 vicky29 wrote:

Sorry to post this i just needed a rant. My sister who in our families' eyes is putting up such a fight against this cancer, she went from not being expected to becoming out of hospital, being sick (faceces) then still trying to eat, to being told by the oncologist to just go home and die, however  she insisted on trying chemo. In the past three months she has stopped being sick, is able to eat again and the fluid has gone from her stomach. Although she is still weak she is managing to get up and down the stairs by herself, going to the toilet by herself, making cakes and painting with her son and trying to be really positive, she couldnt get out of bed in hospital. I think she is amazing!

However,every three weeks before her big chemo she has to see her oncologist (the one who told her to go home). He just seems to be so negative and uninterested in her as a person. Instead of being 'youre doing well' or 'the chemo is doing something', he just focuses on your blood count is low could be the cancer bleeding, i can still feel a mass in their etc. Although i appreciated that she needs to know these things you think they could possibily put a positive comment in there somewhere to give her some hope.

She has now come back from seeing him the most depressed she has been, refusing breakfast and seeming to think that her stomach has gone huge again (it hasnt!), and that the chemo isn't working and that her cancer is getting bigger. Although we reassure her how much better she is it obviously undermined when the oncologist (the expert!) is being so negative.

Sorry again for my rant it just makes me feel so annoyed and useless, when she seems to be treated as a stastic and not a person!

Hi Vicky,

She needs to get another oncologist NOW!  There is no reason in the world she should have to continue to fight this dreaded condition with someone who has an attitude like that.  To win this fight you must be 100% POSITIVE.  And if the oncologist isn't doing that, he shouldn't be in this business. 

There are many doctors out there.  I fired the first one I saw after the first meeting and found one that is truly terrific.  She can too. 

Good luck and God Bless.

 

 

On 8/7/2008 vicky29 wrote:

Sorry to post this i just needed a rant. My sister who in our families' eyes is putting up such a fight against this cancer, she went from not being expected to becoming out of hospital, being sick (faceces) then still trying to eat, to being told by the oncologist to just go home and die, however  she insisted on trying chemo. In the past three months she has stopped being sick, is able to eat again and the fluid has gone from her stomach. Although she is still weak she is managing to get up and down the stairs by herself, going to the toilet by herself, making cakes and painting with her son and trying to be really positive, she couldnt get out of bed in hospital. I think she is amazing!

However,every three weeks before her big chemo she has to see her oncologist (the one who told her to go home). He just seems to be so negative and uninterested in her as a person. Instead of being 'youre doing well' or 'the chemo is doing something', he just focuses on your blood count is low could be the cancer bleeding, i can still feel a mass in their etc. Although i appreciated that she needs to know these things you think they could possibily put a positive comment in there somewhere to give her some hope.

She has now come back from seeing him the most depressed she has been, refusing breakfast and seeming to think that her stomach has gone huge again (it hasnt!), and that the chemo isn't working and that her cancer is getting bigger. Although we reassure her how much better she is it obviously undermined when the oncologist (the expert!) is being so negative.

Sorry again for my rant it just makes me feel so annoyed and useless, when she seems to be treated as a stastic and not a person!

I am a sister too. My sister has colon cancer and also has a butt of a oncologist, which is female by the way. Not a good beside manner at all. I think sometimes these doctors tend to toss the ones to the side that they see no hope in. They get credit and high self esteem out of curing people from cancer and this gives them more success. Its too bad that all cancer patients cant be treated equally and given a "boost" at the beginning of treatment and have a great cheering team to get well from the doctors and staff. Being cared for by smiling, caring, compassionate people and just that simple touch of hand or shoulder helps more than anything. There are some doctors that dont believe in giving patients false hope  But, during med school they took psychology classes and how soon they forget th at they are human too and someday, they may in their patients shoes. I hope that your sister gets that gleem back in her eyes and continues to fight.

Fire that doctor!

My husband's oncologist is wonderful, I could not imagine having gone through this without her beautiful personality, brilliant expertise and extremely optimistic outlook. She kept us focused and hopeful.

You and your sister can find a new oncologist that she is comfortable with, a caring, compassionate physician that offers some hope with treatment! 

Best wishes,

Lissa 

 

 

On 8/7/2008 vicky29 wrote:

Sorry to post this i just needed a rant. My sister who in our families' eyes is putting up such a fight against this cancer, she went from not being expected to becoming out of hospital, being sick (faceces) then still trying to eat, to being told by the oncologist to just go home and die, however  she insisted on trying chemo. In the past three months she has stopped being sick, is able to eat again and the fluid has gone from her stomach. Although she is still weak she is managing to get up and down the stairs by herself, going to the toilet by herself, making cakes and painting with her son and trying to be really positive, she couldnt get out of bed in hospital. I think she is amazing!

However,every three weeks before her big chemo she has to see her oncologist (the one who told her to go home). He just seems to be so negative and uninterested in her as a person. Instead of being 'youre doing well' or 'the chemo is doing something', he just focuses on your blood count is low could be the cancer bleeding, i can still feel a mass in their etc. Although i appreciated that she needs to know these things you think they could possibily put a positive comment in there somewhere to give her some hope.

She has now come back from seeing him the most depressed she has been, refusing breakfast and seeming to think that her stomach has gone huge again (it hasnt!), and that the chemo isn't working and that her cancer is getting bigger. Although we reassure her how much better she is it obviously undermined when the oncologist (the expert!) is being so negative.

Sorry again for my rant it just makes me feel so annoyed and useless, when she seems to be treated as a stastic and not a person!

Vicky,

Time for your sister to get another oncologist. She does not need that type of negativity. I am in treatment now as well. I to have linitis plactica and my doctor is great. He is with a very aggressive group of doctors. they meet on a weekly basis and discuss their cases. It is more then just one doctor reviewing the results. It is very important that you have a good dialog with your doctor. and I agree you must be 100% POSITIVE through this challenging time. I've been on treatment for a year now and I know I was experiencing symptoms almost a year before that. I've been at this for awhile and still going. This disease can be beaten or at least give you a better quality of life, you just need to go after it and accept nothing less.

May God's Grace be with you.

 

Bruce 

VICKY - HELP YOUR SISTER GET A NEW ONCO IMMEDIATELY! She is in the fight of her life and she does not need that negativity around her. Doctors are wrong all the time and if this guy continually is negative she will not have the strength to do what it takes to win! She needs to believe that she can beat this and it all starts with the doctor! I would suggest you call her primary and ask for another referral - or ask some of the nurses in the hospital! They know better than anyone! Just get a new doc ASAP!

 

 

On 8/7/2008 vicky29 wrote:

Sorry to post this i just needed a rant. My sister who in our families' eyes is putting up such a fight against this cancer, she went from not being expected to becoming out of hospital, being sick (faceces) then still trying to eat, to being told by the oncologist to just go home and die, however  she insisted on trying chemo. In the past three months she has stopped being sick, is able to eat again and the fluid has gone from her stomach. Although she is still weak she is managing to get up and down the stairs by herself, going to the toilet by herself, making cakes and painting with her son and trying to be really positive, she couldnt get out of bed in hospital. I think she is amazing!

However,every three weeks before her big chemo she has to see her oncologist (the one who told her to go home). He just seems to be so negative and uninterested in her as a person. Instead of being 'youre doing well' or 'the chemo is doing something', he just focuses on your blood count is low could be the cancer bleeding, i can still feel a mass in their etc. Although i appreciated that she needs to know these things you think they could possibily put a positive comment in there somewhere to give her some hope.

She has now come back from seeing him the most depressed she has been, refusing breakfast and seeming to think that her stomach has gone huge again (it hasnt!), and that the chemo isn't working and that her cancer is getting bigger. Although we reassure her how much better she is it obviously undermined when the oncologist (the expert!) is being so negative.

Sorry again for my rant it just makes me feel so annoyed and useless, when she seems to be treated as a stastic and not a person!

Hi

Your sister definitely needs another oncologist.  I can remember years ago when I was in the hospital trying to make a decision between doctors.  One of the nurses told me that her mother had cancer and while she (the nurse) felt one particular doctor on staff was the very best after working with him, her mother preferred another doctor (also good).  She said it was more important to respect her mother's opinion because confidence in the doctor could mean the difference between surviving or not. 

I highly recommend the Cancer Treatment Center of America.  They will pay to fly you in for a second opinion and treatments if you don't have one close to you.  One of the first things that impressed me about them was their motto "If God didn't give you an expiration date why should we."  I met many patients there that their first oncologist had given up on - that there was nothing they could do for them.  They came to CTCA for treatment and were responding well to treatment.  The gentleman who started CTCAs did so after losing his own mother to cancer.  My daughter is a nurse and she toured the infusion department when she came for a visit.  She was so impressed by everyone she met at the center.  A great many of the nurses and doctors are cancer survivors and don't have to go by the book - they've been there and done it all.  Best of luck and remember God hears and answers our prayers.

Diana

I second the opinion on Cancer Treatment Centers of America.   My first oncologist was not negitive, he just didn't know what to do for me because I didn't fit in with the normal age range for this type of cancer.  So I went to CTCA and they are wonderful.  They treat you as you are.  Go there before this doc does any more "damage" to your sister.

My sister made me go and you should make your sister go too.  That is what sisters are for, right?

Going to CTCA would be a good move - getting another onc imperative.  I would make sure that, in the future, I place myself in the room with the doctors along with my sister with questions and comments prepared beforehand.  Some Doctors make mistakes some of the time and it behoves us to detect those mistakes and shortcoming, whatever they are (personality, demeanor, competence, etc) early on and have plan "b" ready to go.  My feeling throughout my 3 years of treatment is that time is of essence and I needed to make adjustments to conditions quickly and move on, preserving my energy for future battles.  I'm sure glad I did.  Best of luck to you and from the posts I have been seeing, CTCA  is an excellent option.  If that is not possible, get a new onc as soon as possible and be prepared for the transition by getting records, etc quickly to allow the new onc to proceed poste haste.

I too would love to see her switched to another oncologist. If she refuses to do so though I would call her doctor and let him know how his bedside manner is affecting her. Sometimes these doctors forget how important hope is to a patient. Nobody is saying to withhold info. but  doctors need to  be encouraging. I spoke to my dads oncologist when he was feeling the same way. It helped alot and we all noticed a change in her approach.