And Ideas...

My Mom was diagnosed 3 years ago with Stage 3 Ovarian cancer.  Has gone through 6 rounds of chemo 4 times in the last three years.  She has just started her fourth round of 6.  She has recently been on Toptecan (sp?) and it did not work.  The lesion that was there before is gone, but more popped up elsewhere in her abdomen lining. So now she is back on the Taxol combo.  (she doesnt remember the other name)

My question is...how does one keep a cancer patients spirits up?  I feel like I need to wear a cheerleader uniform and grab my pom poms.  She is my Mother yes, and I know what she is going through is difficult.  But how can I make her feel better?  It is so easy for us on the outside of this to say "buck up camper" when we have NO clue as to what its like.  Her emotions are very strong.  She cried the other day when I noticed dust on her leather furniture. "See how trashed my house is??" she tells me with tears streaming down her face.  "I just have no strength." And my Father has COPD, and can barely walk from one room to the other without losing his breath, so he can't do much to help.

I just need some ideas on how I can help her.  I have told her today that tomorrow when she goes to see her doc to TELL him of her feelings, that he needs to address them.  And if she doesn't tell him, he can't help her. 

 But anything I can do on the homefront????

Your ideas are greatly appreciated. 

Staci

~*~I wear teal for my Mom and her incrediable bravery~*~

On 8/21/2008 JudysDaughter wrote:

My Mom was diagnosed 3 years ago with Stage 3 Ovarian cancer.  Has gone through 6 rounds of chemo 4 times in the last three years.  She has just started her fourth round of 6.  She has recently been on Toptecan (sp?) and it did not work.  The lesion that was there before is gone, but more popped up elsewhere in her abdomen lining. So now she is back on the Taxol combo.  (she doesnt remember the other name)

My question is...how does one keep a cancer patients spirits up?  I feel like I need to wear a cheerleader uniform and grab my pom poms.  She is my Mother yes, and I know what she is going through is difficult.  But how can I make her feel better?  It is so easy for us on the outside of this to say "buck up camper" when we have NO clue as to what its like.  Her emotions are very strong.  She cried the other day when I noticed dust on her leather furniture. "See how trashed my house is??" she tells me with tears streaming down her face.  "I just have no strength." And my Father has COPD, and can barely walk from one room to the other without losing his breath, so he can't do much to help.

I just need some ideas on how I can help her.  I have told her today that tomorrow when she goes to see her doc to TELL him of her feelings, that he needs to address them.  And if she doesn't tell him, he can't help her. 

 But anything I can do on the homefront????

Your ideas are greatly appreciated. 

Staci

~*~I wear teal for my Mom and her incrediable bravery~*~

Staci,

Maybe your mom doesn't want the pom poms pulled out. I sure do feel for you. My mom and dad both died of cancer, so I do know it is hard. I also am fighting the "big C". Have you felt strong enough to have a heart to heart with her about how she feels? It might help her to tell you about it instead of her doc. Instead of anyone pointing out dust or clutter, pick it up without saying anything to her. I think you also deserve to wear teal for your bravery. Hang in there Staci, my thoughts and prayers goes out to your mom, you, and your family.

Debra

I tried not to point it out, but I reached out to wipe it off.  Was my mistake.  I had that heart to heart with her this morning.  She told me she jus obsesses about the cancer 24/7.  Can't sleep, can't eat, is so weak she can't even put on lotion.  I told her even though I can never understand the feelings shes having, or what she is going through, I love her with everything I have and there is help out there to make her feel better.  She has a list started (shesa big fan of *lists*) to talk to her doc about tomorrow morning.  I at least got her to feel more positive that she isn't the only one out there battling this, like she feels sometimes.

I hope my post didn't sound insensitive?  I know how anal my mother is about her house being clean, so I try to avoid that conversation, but that day I just reached up behind her and brushed the dust off and it started the waterworks.  I am calling around today to local house cleaners.  I feel bad enough that I can't help out as I have to work almost 7 days a week to keep my household afloat, being a single Mom of a teenage daughter and all.  So I will pay for someone to go in every other week to just help out.  Nothing major.

Thank you for your opinion, and again I hope I didn't sound insensitive with my post. And my father has battled and won both bladder cancer and prostate cancer.  My Gpa had prostate cancer, My Moms sister had colon cancer, my Dads sister had stomach cancer.  All three have passsed on.  Cancer is a BIG part of our family, and it scares me everyday.

Thanks again.......for your support and opinion.  And may God Bless you.

Staci,

Oh no! You didn't sound insensitive at all. I should have explained that ater my mom and dad had passed, only then did I find out about some of their wishes. I just regret not knowing them before they had passed on. It was me that was insensitive for not explaining that to you, and I am so very sorry!

I held my daughter in my arms as so passed, then was with my mom, dad, and grandmother as they passed. I lived far from my sis when she passed, and missed being with her by 1 day.

I suppose you and I both have cancer genes in our families and my heart went right out to you when I read your post. I also understand having to work long hours and keeping up a household, then have a loved one with cancer. With that, add the emotional and physical strain too.

Myself, I have had tumors removed from the base of my brain, bilateral mastectomy, and now have had two surgeries for vulvar carcinoma in situ.

I will live each day to it's fullest. I do have days of depression when I am in pain and fatigued. I want to LIVE until I die. There is an old movie called Harold and Maude. I just loved her attitude about life!

I hope your mom got good feedback from her doc today, also please have yourself ckecked out.

Again, I am so sorry for not explaining myself better to you! If you ever want to use the prive email to talk, we can do that. I also would be happy to give you my phone number.

I'm still trying to figure out how I got the man avatar on this site.Have you ever met a man named Debra? LOL!

27 kisses to your checkbone, and hugs too!

Sincerely,

Debra.

There is a cleaning company called "Cleaning for a Reason" that will clean your house 4 times if you are in chemotherapy.  I dont know the web site...but they cleaned my house, I was so grateful.

Your mother may feel better when the house is cleaned. Maid service if you can afford it....brothers or sisters can pitch in to help.......

Keep up the strong courage and be her friend .....care groups help to talk about it....Hope this help Dee052

Took me awhile to get back here.  Life can be so busy.

My Mom's tumor marker went up again. But the doc didnt want to trust it because the CT scan isn't showing anything that major other than the nodes on the abdomen lining.  And the test was not done at the same lab that he uses. So, from now on the tumor marker tests will be done at the same lab for consistant results.

She is doing better.  I have helped her clean her house.  I took her and my Dad to the State Fair here in Nebraska.  She wanted to watch the Draft horses and eat Fair food.  She loaded up on nachos and a funnel cake.  Had a good time.

It's now a waiting game to see how this chemo round will work.  I plan on going to the doc with her next time and get my questions answered because my parents can never seem to remember what he said. haha

And my brothers don't live local...they live about 12 hours away.  They call alot, but its up to me to do everything.  I don't mind...but sometimes its tough to do it all alone.

I have thought about genetic testing.  But its ALOT of money and I have been told insurance doens't pay for it.  And I had a friend of mine go through it..was told she didnt have the gene..but yet got breast cancer.  So, I don't know if thats the route I wanna go.

Thanks for all your thoughts.....and wishes....my email is

 You can email me all you want.

Staci