Suvivor

I am a 15-year survivor of stage IIA Hodgkin's, diagnosed at age 28, treated with radiation to lower jaw, neck, chest.

Skin in the irradiated zone is somewhat sensitive to heat and sunlight, and hair has not grown back quite the same, so back of head and neck  always feel funny. Learned to like crew cuts long ago. A few times I've come down with bad bronchitis or pneumonia, but Zithromax helps a lot with that (highly recommended; take at least 3 z-packs). I also developed many small dental cavities on my lower teeth. Had yearly CT scans and follow-up visits.

If I could do it over again, I certainly would NOT take the radiation treatments. Just thinking about that horrible experience makes me nauseous. I absolutely DESPISE the arrogant prick doctors who did this to me, and often fantasize about going back to the hospital and forcing them to go under the goddamned x-ray machine at gunpoint, so they can get zapped. I HATE my family for encouraging me to take these treatments, and HATE myself for deciding, in a moment of weakness, to go along with them. I knew I was making a big mistake at the time, but gave in to the pressure. Horrible. In the future, I will NOT take any further cancer treatments, PERIOD. END OF STORY.

As the years go by, it gets harder and harder for me to live with the knowledge that I submitted to these treatments. I sincerely wish I could be less bitter, but unfortunately, I cannot.

Thank you for giving me this opportunity to get this off my chest.

I'm glad you were able to get that off your chest after 15 years. Seems sad to hear someone so angry over treatment. I hope you find peace and reconciliation. Anger will kill you more quickly before any treatment or disease can. I like this definition of forgiveness ---accepting that you cannot change the past.

Kudos to you for having the strength to admit this and congratulations on getting it off your chest!

Have you looked into herbs and supplementation to reduce the prolonged side effects/skin damage of the radiation?  If not, I think would be well-worth your while to do some web searching and start a personal regimen to promote better health.

A strong b-complex vitamin would be a good start, as they are such essential nutrients for healthy skin and nerve repair.  I'm not talking about a run-of-the-mill daily vitamin, but rather something along the strengths that people with arthritis and fibromyalgia take.  I buy Fibro Essentials from Swanson - you might want to give it a try:

http://www.swansonvitamins.com/SWC036/ItemDetail?n=429496718

Olive leaf is another - I don't have the link at hand - when I find it I will send another post.

There are many other supplements, as well as natural herbs and foods that even though it's been many years, might help make your skin softer and more supple, reduce the irritation that the sun, etc, bring, and rebuild the blood supply and nerves.  I suspect a lot of the same things might help bring about a brighter personal outlook too, as they are all restorative of the immune system and enable a healthy sense of well-being.

Please think about it. If you want more information, let me know - I will be glad to try to give you some appropriate resources so you can make good decisions.  I'm sure there are other posters on the board who can make good recommendations as well.

Oh, before I forget - water - drink plenty of pure fresh water. Steam distilled is best.  Water is absolutely essential for healthy skin, and if you start boosting intake of  nutrients that also act as antioxidants, etc, you are going to need plenty of water to provide for detoxification of cells and the bloodstream!

Sincerely,

Tre

Thank you both very much. I really do appreciate your kind thoughts.

Yes, I am bitter, I suppose. Most of all I am angry at myself. The radiation has caused me far more problems, and worse problems, than the disease itself, and I know that more problems are on the way.

I can accept the cancer. It is really that hard to deal with. There are plenty of options, both conventional and alternative, and I was using them with great success when I stupidly gave in to the will of the idiot doctors.

I simply would have preferred not to treat it immediately. I was reading the literature, and I was right on top of all the latest research. If I had waited only a year or even less, the entire treatment protocol would have been radically different and far less dangerous. The cancer would NOT have spread much, if at all (which has since been verified in the literature). I KNEW THIS AT THE TIME. That is what makes me so frustrated. But those uneducated thugs otherwise known as medical doctors were completely unwilling to listen to me.

Advice to any cancer patients who are currently in this predicament:  If you know something to be true, do not EVER, under any circumstances, let anyone tell you otherwise. Trust yourself. It is YOU who has to live with the consequences, not your family or your doctors.

And I will never accept the way my family treated me, especially my mother: "Well, I suppose we all get what we deserve in this life, now don't we." is what she said when I told her the news. In hindsight, I should have kept her out of the loop. More advice: if you ever get a cancer diagnosis, NEVER tell your mother; it's none of her damn business. Only tell people close to you whom you trust.

Tre, I will look into the formula you recommended. It certainly can't hurt. Anything that helps, and any recommendations you have are most welcome.

Thanks again.

Hi Mojox,

here are some links about olive leaf and the extract - Olivus sells both, take a look at their FAQs page. The extract will be stronger than the leave, but different sites offer differing opinions as to which is better to use

I have one other recommendation - but it's possibly something you will not want to hear.

Anger, bitterness, hate, and resentment all cause physical reactions in our body that produce a chemical environment very conducive to growing cancer.  You've got to stop carrying those around as a chronic emotional state.

Even though you say you knew you should wait a year, and not let yourself be talked into radiation, that's probably not the reality of it.  Some part of you must have felt trying to get the cancer taken care of then was better than taking a chance on waiting.  So stop beating yourself up for the choice you made.  What's done is done - no way to go back, so you must go on, and you must treat yourself kindly and gently as you do it. 

I'm not going to defend your mom, nor am I going to accuse her.  I'm just going to say that she probably did what she thought was best - right or wrong, that's the way it was.  You can't change it - what's done is done. You need to stop beating her up, and move on, treating her also with kindness and gentility. (even if she has passed on, you need to forgive her.)

Same thing with those on whom you relied for medical care.  They quite possibly were giving you the very best recommendation they knew to give you.  what's done is done - you can't change it, and you only hurt yourself by continuing to carry this nasty burden around inside you.  Find some way to forgive these people, if you want to have better health.

I'm not saying this is all your fault.  I an NOT saying this is your fault. You have done the best you knew to do - you need to realize that and start to honor that rather than rail against it. The only thing in life anyone can EVER change is the moment they are in right at that moment.  If you want your future moments to be better than the past, you have got to change the moment you are in right now.

How do you do that? 
Start by saying to yourself, "maybe I did the best I could do at that time.  Thank you, self, for trying to do the right thing."  Repeat it until the truth of it becomes evident.  Then you can forgive yourself, and in that moment change the poisonous chemical environment that your antipathy toward yourself has created.

Say to yourself,"Maybe mom just didn't know any bettter, or if she did, maybe she just couldn't DO any better. I forgive her."

And keep reaffirming that to yourself - as you say it, your mind and heart and soul will gain peace, and that will work to change your inner terrain so that it is not so conducive to cancer.

Give some thought to the idea that your drs, etc, might not have been sure that waiting would be a good thing - that they really might have been giving you the best advice they could give you at that time. Hindsight is better than foresight, but not when you let it poison your thoughts and emotions. Try giving the people who influenced your decisions a little bit more benefit of the doubt.  That will be hard, but the alternative might well be to continue living with cancer rather than try to make the changes you need to beat it. Try very hard to forgive these people.

Just as you are choosing to be proactive with your physical health, you must also choose to be proactive with your mental, emotional and spiritual health.  Wellness IS as much a state of mind as it is a state of body.

I wish you much success in all your endeavors.

Sincerely,

Tre

oops - I forgot the links:

 http://www.asktom-naturally.com/naturally/hsnltr.html

http://oliveleaf.8k.com/

http://www.olivus.us/olive-leaf-tea-bags-c-2.html