don't get me wrong. there is no happy face...no survivor has a happy face. my doctor said it was nothing when i went to see her. it took me weeks to get an appointment for a mammogram. i found it myself....not through an exam. she said she was sorry when they called her from the center. by then, it had spread to my lymph nodes and who knows where else. the surgery was horrible...my arm still hurts every day of my life and i have no feeling in the arm from the elbow to the shoulder. it took me an entire year of exercises to make sure that i had at least some range of motion in that arm. working 3 times a day to get it back. i could not get clothes out of the dryer...i could not garden, what i could not do with my arm would take pages to write. if someone puts there arm on my arm....i could cry...it is horrible pain. my arm feels like someone takes a piano string (metal) around my underarm and makes it real tight all the time but especially in the summer months. i had excruciating pain in my hand to the point that I had every test and nothing was found to be wrong. i had a PET/CT scan that said (after 5 years) I had cancer in my salivary gland and in my lymph nodes and pelvic area and lymph nodes there and that was not even the primary site but after all it wasn't BC. after that surgery i have no feeling on my left side of my face.
I have spinal issues and not a day goes by that i do not have pain from that. i have pins and needles on my hands and feet all the time. i get rashes from the arimidex in the summer. i have had vaginal bleeding. ....and i could go on and on and on...
BUT, i would not give up a day of my life because i still have breath in me. AND, i know a lot of people who are worse off.
BTW, my Mom had BC, my grandfather had pancreatic cancer (related cancer to BC), my father had cancer, his 2 sisters had BC, my grandmother had cancer. AND, my family was not there for support either.
Was it easy...please...is it easy...please. Cancer sucks and it is not fair. but it is what it is....and i am a survivor and i will take every day and breath that others do not want.
i have a friend who had BC, then was on tamoxifin and was the .1% who get ovarian cancer while on it, she survived that only to get colon cancer. she is still here....and we laugh together.
BC is never gone. there is no cure...you are right. it can come back even 40 years later...but i will not allow it to scare me so i don't live life and enjoy every second that i have left. there is no cure for life either...no one gets out alive.
it is all part of a journey...we all do the best that we can do. don't let fear cripple you...it will get easier as time goes by. i think of all the people who were helpful and compassionate along the way. there were so many of them. and, not a day goes by that i don't think about the little special things, thoughtful things they did for me.
i loved life before cancer...i refuse to not love it after cancer. and, i am sure i will die of cancer...i just do not know when...and that is a fact. i chose not to focus on the pain part...don't always get it right but otherwise the negative will eat you up.