Daughter Losing Her Mommy

Hi,

My name is Clarissa. I am 19 years old, and found out 4 months ago that my mommy has advanced lung cancer. She hasn't had her voice, so I havent heard it since April. I am currently moving around with my boyfriend who works out of state. I visited my mom for two months about a month ago. She has stopped her chemo treatments, and spends almost all her time sleeping. I read a lot of articles that say weakness and sleeping a lot are two of the final signs. Im so scared to lose my mommy. She is my world, and I dont know how to imagine my life without her. Both her parents died of lung cancer when I was a baby. She is younger than they were, and the cancer has taken hold very quickly. I can't blame her for stopping the chemo, I would do the same thing. But I am having a hard time finding comfort in anything. I am going home soon to visit for awhile, but whenever i'm not there, I feel alone. Eventhough I have my boyfriend, and he loves me very much. He doesnt know how this feels, and doesnt know how to comfort me. Im terrified of losing her, and dont know what I will do when that day comes. I try to be stong when i'm with her, I dont want her to see how upset I am by it. She is so weak, and it's so hard to sit there and not be able to stop the pain. If there is anyone who has lost a loved one to cancer, and can tell me what to expect near the end. I would be forever grateful. I dont know what to expect, but I dont want to lose her when i'm out of state...I know how fast cancer can take a life.

 God Bless,

Clarissa

Clarissa

My thoughts and prayers go out to you. I lost my wonderful mom almost seven months ago to this dreadful disease.   My best advice would be to be with your mom as much as you can and talk to her.  Tell her everything that you are feeling and most importantly how much you love her.   My mom suffered horribly through chemo and her quality of life in the last 4 months was not good at all.  It seems like your mom wants to live out the rest of her days feeling better.  If you can,  try and get in touch with her doctors and find out what is going on. I   They will be able to hopefully give you some advice as to what to expect and some time frames so maybe you can be with her towards the end. 

 I hope this helped some.  My heart truly breaks for you.  It's not easy to lose your mom especially at 19.  God Bless.

 

 

Dear Clarissa,

I'm so sorry you and your mom are having to go through this.  Life sometimes seems such an incredibly cruel taskmaster.

Please read this article:

http://www.virtualtrials.com/btlinks/death.cfm

It is written by a Hospice organization specifically to prepare people - both those suffering end-stage disease and their care-givers - for the final days. I am sure the physical descriptions will be hard for you to read - you might even need to just skim through them, but there is a lot in the article that can help you get through the weeks and months to come.

Only you can decide about when it might be time to stay at home with your mother, but remember - you could have the rest of your life ahead of you with this supportive man, but once your mother is gone, you will not have the chance to regain what you have lost.  Be sure to make the most of whatever chance you still have to hold her close to your heart.  If your young man truly loves you, he will support your choice if and when you decide to stop travelling and stay at home with your mom for whatever time she has left.

Sincerely, 

Tre

 

im so sorry to hear about your mom.i to lost my mom to lung cancer..when they foung it it was already a stage 4.she started chemo and was doing great so we thought.on day she complaing of a very bad headache so i took her to the dr.the did a cat scan and found a tumor in her brain.we got that out and started raditaion ,,then i noticed swelling at the surgery site and the dr scaned her brain again and found that she had a staph infection in her brain so back to surgery we went.we almost lost her that night.after the surgery she was in a coma for 8 days.by the grace of god she woke up.we took her home  and started chemo again.everything was going great for about 5 months then i noticed she was eating much and getting weaker and sleeping most of the time..we took her back to the hospital for a catscan and they counted 30 tumors in her brain.i called hospic and took her home.i had to give her morhpine every hour around the clock on the 3rd day home i was holding her in my arms telling her i love her and its ok to stop fighting..at that moment she took a deep breath and sighed softly and passed away..just talk to your mommy and tell her how much you love her.she is still able to hear you...if there is anything i can do to help you through this hard time plz let me know..here is my email.... --Message edited by CancerCompass staff. For personal protection, email address removed. Consider private reply. Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html--.god bless and take carei