I'm Really Scared

This past April I had a wide area excision and on my middle back, I had stage 3 Melanoma. I had a fairly large area removed and because it was in the center of my back a lymph node was also removed from under each arm. The lymph node biopsy was benign, and they said they got all of the cancer. I went for my followup skin assessment a couple of days ago, they are now concerned about a mole under my right arm that has changed in appearance (I was concerned about it 4 months ago)and they are removing it on the 29th, which means I have a couple of weeks to worry as to rather I have cancer again. I was in shock the last time, and all of my appointments and the surgery all occured so quickly, I did not ask very many questions. I want to be better prepared this time. I am so upset at the prospect of going thru another surgery. I am also scared to death. I would appreciate any suggestions on specific questions I should ask, specific tests I shoud request, and how often. They did blood work and a chest x-ray 4 months ago before the first surgery. Should I request these annually? I guess I just need someone to talk to.

I read your post and want to let you know its ok to be scared but know that your doctors are on top of things because many people go years before they find out the cancer is somewhere else. My mother had recently been diagnosed with a reoccurence of her colon cancer from three years ago, so I know it is completely different but know that in terms of cancer 4 months is not that long. (That is what the doctors told us) It may seem like you have been going through this for so long but know that by following through checks as this one, could save your life. I would encourage you to check your body constantly and if you have a partner have them check you also. My cousin had skin cancer on his face and he goes yearly for exams and has his wife check him monthly. We are going through different situations but if you need someone to vent to I will be around. Are you taking a multivitamin? You may want to ask your doc for a name of a dietican that can help you in the area of supplements that can help you stay strong for potential surgery.

Hi Kathy;

You have every right to be "scared". A diagnosis of cancer feels
like a rug has been pulled out from under your feet..your life.

Anyways, please make sure that you are going for a PET scan
and a CAT scan w/contrast. The PET scan has been very
instrumental in picking up cancer activity (for you, melanoma).
One of the tricky things about melanoma is that it is so hard to
detect as it is spreading.

Please also ask about your Clark's level (a staging measure for
melanoma). How deep was your initial melanoma?

From your message, I'd also like to confirm that the surgeon
did a sentinel node biopsy....

Thinking of you. You will get through this. I am a 4 1/2 year
survivor.

Hi Kathy;

You have every right to be "scared". A diagnosis of cancer feels
like a rug has been pulled out from under your feet..your life.

Anyways, please make sure that you are going for a PET scan
and a CAT scan w/contrast. The PET scan has been very
instrumental in picking up cancer activity (for you, melanoma).
One of the tricky things about melanoma is that it is so hard to
detect as it is spreading.

Please also ask about your Clark's level (a staging measure for
melanoma). How deep was your initial melanoma?

From your message, I'd also like to confirm that the surgeon
did a sentinel node biopsy....

Thinking of you. You will get through this. I am a 4 1/2 year
survivor.

I think just the word "cancer" strikes fear in all of us. I was diagnosed with vulva cancer two years ago and had radical surgery and radiation. I have been feeling good, I'm back to work and have had 6 months between check ups. But on my last visit the doctor had a few concerns, gave me some creams to try and I am going back tomorrow to see if I need to have some new tests done. I get scared because I don't want to go through surgery again and I can't have radiation, so now what? But being scared is pretty normal. I have learned to ask lots of questions. Write them down before you go or you will forget half of them. And let people close to you know you have fears, they will be happy and probably grateful to listen and offer support. So many people feel helpless and want to be there for you but they don't know how. Think positive, take the best out of every day, talk to the other patients at the clinics and allow yourself to feel scared, sad, happy..whatever the day brings. If you ever need to chat email me. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Thanks so much for replying. I have been doing alot more reading this time, and after our local surgeon removes this mole I am going to ask my Primary physician to refer me to someone who specializes in cancer, even if this biopsy comes back negative. I am beginning to think they have not done all they could, like a PET or CT Scan. From what I'm reading these seem pretty important. They did do the sentinal node mapping 4 months ago when they did the first wide area excision. A lymph node from under each arm was removed, that biopsy was benign. The first mole that was removed on my back was 1.97mm. Everything happened so fast last time, I was in shock, most of what I was being told I didn't retain, and I asked no questions. I won't do that this time. I guess it just really sunk in and registered this time, this is something I am going to have to fight and watch the rest of my life. I have to become more informed. I inted for that life to be a very long one. I don't even have grandkids yet.

I think the main reason I started looking for a site to find someone to talk to is because I don't feel like I really have anyone here that I can talk to. Everyone just says, oh, it's going to be ok, think positive, or, it's understandable that you're upset, but it's going to be ok, have faith. I do have faith that everything will eventually be ok, even if I do have to go thru more surgery or more. But right now, I need to be scared, I need to be able to express the anger I'm feeling and I need to be able to cry if I feel like it without worrying that I'm going to upset someone else. I have alot of people that love me and are concerned, but no one in my family can really understand how I feel right now or all the different emotions going on.

My moods are swinging rather radically these past few days, as you can probably tell, right now I'm more angry. I'll probably be crying in 10 minutes.........lol

Thanks so much for listening. God bless

My name is Yvonne and I am a four time cancer survivor. Yes 4 times, I had breast cancer three times and thyriod cancer once. I was told that I had three months to live on November of 1987 and again in 2003. BUT I AM STILL HERE TODAY.Just to talk to you. I know how you must feel. Especially when you hear or feel that you might have cancer again.But don't give in and don't give up YOU WILL SURVIVE TOO!

First of all, you have done everything right in getting the cancer out of your body and then asking questions.

I believe, from experience of having had cancer 4 times that getting it removed is the often the first step toward survival.

Cancer is like getting a really bad cold. It still may comeback but you beat it once and there fore you can do it again. You already beat it once so, this time it will be easier. It is not a mystery to you, and it can not place fear in your path.

Like a grammer school bully, Cancer, once it has been defeated it may try again but as long as you remember YOU WON! You BEAT IT ONCE AND YOU WILL BEAT IT AGAIN AND AGAIN IF NECESSARY !!!


You know your body better than anyone. When something does not feel right, complain, yell, scream until you are heard. As a woman we often feel that we should be " Lady Like" and to that I say, HUMBUG!!!!!! Speak up, and ask doctors to explain your EVERY OPTION and then PRAY.

It was my FAITH that got me through 4 times. It was my faith, and yes I am a Christian, Saved Santified and baptised with the Holy Spirit and yes my God, Jesus Christ, has been with me even in the darkess periods and today at noon I will be at my church for Noonday Prayer and I will ask the church to pray for you and your family.

Know that you are not along and someone, me , is praying for you daily.

I am currently a Patient Navigation Taskfork Member as an American Cancer Volunteer and if you need a friend, I'm here.

Yvonne Cisco
Oak Park, Il.

You're story is very inspiring. My Mom had breast cancer 20yrs ago, had a mastectomy with no chemo. It has now returned in stage 4 spreading to her lungs. She has had chemo and seems to be under control, except her anxiety and depression. Do you have any thoughts on how you delt with anxiety or depression? She never wants to be alone anymore and its very tiring to the family. She is on a antidepressant, but it doesnt quite do the trick.

Congrats to you and keep Fighting!!

Lisa
Portland, ME

Dear Lisa,

Depression and anxiety are two unseen and often the most fatal of all the negative side effects of Cancer. But! they are beatable.

You said that it is tiring on the family to always be there with her and yes, people do forget that loved ones need support and encouragement also.

I do know, so does my family. And here is what we do and I hope you try it.
#1. LET YOUR MOM KNOW THAT IT IS AFFECTING YOU.
#2 DON'T EXCLUDE HER FROM HOW YOU ARE FEELING.
So often, we forget that the Cancer Patient still thinks, feels, and is concern about their love one too.
#3 When you are another family member is tired then enjoy a walk around the block or go and take a bath or shower. Give yourself 30 minutes to regroup. Your mom will understand and she will be able to give something back to the ones she loves.

Depression comes about sometimes from feeling unwanted and useless. Talk to your mom and let her become apart of helping you help her. She will be so happy to feel needed.

As a Cancer Survivor, I have always used Faith to handle anxiety and depression. Prayer really can work. Try reading, the book of Psalms or the book of Ephesians in the King James Version of the Holy Bible. Also read the story of Helen Keller. A woman, who overcame many harsh obsticles.

#4. Just talk, honestly and openly with your mom and give her back her role of being a mom. She can still make deceisions and still give love to those around her.

Good-luck,
Your family will be in my prayers.

Yvonne C.
Oak Park, Il.