I Need Hope

Hi, I have follicular lymphoma.I was told I have 7-10 years.I just found out a few months ago.I have an 8 yr old daughter.And I'm scared I won't be around to see her graduate.My daughter & I are close very close.We don't have anyone but each other.I don't know if see could handle a loss like this.I have no one to talk to about this.My daughter knows I have cancer,but she doesn't know I'm dying.I am so ANGRY! WHY ME!! Why not some hooker,junkie,or aloholic that doesn't care about anyone but themselves.My daughter is EVERYTHING to ME!We do everything together.I help out in her class,bike rides,picnics,walks, talk and laugh so hard we lose our breathe.We fall asleep talking about our day.I just don't know how she will live without me.She always says"we live together,we die together,together forever to the end mom".

Dear friend
I am sorry that you are going through this by yourself. I am here if you need someone to talk to. I have a husband who was diagnosis with thymoma. We found a large mass in his chest last summer. We underwent chemo, surgery and radiation. And still we found out that he might have more in his body. At first, I was angry. Why him? He is a good man he has two kids he needs to help me raise. Why not someone who destroys lives and has no kids? But I found out that it doesn't always work out how we think it should. There is a plan for our lives, one we may not be able to understand, want of need but nevertheless there is one for us.
Anyways I found out that the angry just helped the cancer to try and win the battle for both of us. I wasn't going to let it will the war. I had to let go of my anger and help my husband let go of his. I had turned from God and when this struck us, I turned back to Him. He helped us, he strengthed us and we have won a couple of battles. You might blame him for letting this happen to you, but he does have a plan. Maybe it is to get you to turn to him and ask him into your heart. He will strenghten you, love you and comfort you, as will I if you let me be a friend.
Your daughter is lucky to have you. let your anger go, before it hampers your relationship with your daughter. Anger doesn't help it hinders and eats away at you and lets cancer win faster. Think of possitive things. focus on your love for your daughter the love you have for life.
I had my eyes open to a lady down in the chemo ward at the hospital we went to. She had breast cancer for years, didn't know and it spread to her bones and ever organ of her body. She was the most upbeat possitive person there. She knew that one day they would find a cure and she was bound and deteremined to be one of the first in line for treatments. She also had a deep faith in God. She had a strenght in her that I envied and wanted. I would have cried, raged for months, but that didn't help my family and it didn't help me husband. Knowledge is the key. The more you have the more you are less afraid. but when you are reading the information or hearing it, don't focus on the negative, focus on the positive. It is harder then it sounds but if you don't have faith, you give up. There is a big chance that you will live longer than the doctor's say, you have to keep the hope alive and you might be amazed.
When you first hear about it, it almost destroyes you, but you are stronger then you give yourself credit for. don't be afraid to reach out a hand and has for help. I am here and so is God!
If you'd like to just email me and talk my email address is --- Message edited by CancerCompass staff: for personal protection, email address removed. Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html ---. I am here for you for whatever you may need.
God bless!

Hello,

I have FNHL and was dx 5/04. It is in my stomach and digestive system. I was never told of a death sentence. I have always been given hope and you should have been given that also. I have an only child also and I could not go on thinking of the end everyday. Some days of course I am down, but there is hope for us. I have another board for you to try http://forums.webmagic.com/ubbthreads/postlist.php?Cat=&Boar
It has been very helpful to me. There is always HOPE, not just for you but for your daughter. If I can be of any help, please email me. Cancer sucks! I hate the thought of it, but we need to find ways to take control and beat it.

Fern

Dear Need Hope:

The research to fight cancer continues everyday. Who knows what next year or the next year may bring to the medical community for the treatment and survival. From your email it doesn’t seems that your healthcare provider is offering support beyond your medical treatment.

In August of 2002, I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma diffuse large B-cell stage 3. I didn’t listen to the doctor’s prognosis, I knew what I wanted to do – go on living!” I have a strong spiritual life and immediately began to draw on my faith for support. I told all my doctors, “You do the medicine and I will do the praying.” I volunteered to participate in a research treatment study for patients with my diagnosis. I drew on my family and friends for support with their faith or positive attitude messages. They were to never get down around me. Nor could I “get down” on myself-No matter how I felt physically or emotionally.

Consider asking your doctor for names of cancer support groups in your area. Don't hesitate to contact the group. They have experienced cancer or are experincing it now. Perhaps you will find also the support here at cancercompass to help you through some of this time.

If you have a spiritual belief (spiritual belief is very personal), draw on your belief to help you resist the hopelessness which comes across in your email writing. Too, find something positive everyday. Like the time you spend with your daughter.

Please remember, every day researchers continue to move forward with research to find hope for all cancer patients.

A book you might consider reading is "Cancer: Messages To and From a Survivor".


Gretch

Dear needs hope, I know all to well the feeling of hopelessness that comes with the words you have cancer! I thought I would self destruct those first few days. When I learned that my cancer was fNHL I went to my internet and started looking up all the info I could on this enemy of mine. As wonderful as Doctors can be, some of them can unwittingly rob you of hope. The web page that helped me the most belongs to a fNHL survivor of 17 years. His name is Robert Miller and his page is lymphomasurvival.com.From him I learned all about this cancer and what I could do to help make sure I could look forward to the possibility of many more years. We are all dying girl, from the time we enter this world, live each day as tho it may be your last, have fun,laugh,love and be thankful!!Do not die a thousand deaths worring about one. Enjoy your daughter, let her love strengthen you and yours her. I thank God everyday for another day, and then I wage another days war with this enemy of mine. I exercise, eat the right foods, think the right thoughts, (anger and self pity alone can kill you)and I spend one hour on research on fNHL. My PC Doctor said to me one day, what is the one thing you have always wanted to do but never have, DO IT!!! I will never forget coming home the day I got my news. I live in the mountains and had to come thru a very dangerous canyon. About half way home I had to stop for an accicent. A car had gone over the side of the cliff and two young people were dead. I was alive!!Please, please, learn how to fight, and enjoy what ever time God has in his plan for you. When ever I catch myself thinking why me, the same phrase comes to me, why not me?
God Bless you and give you strenght, I will be Praying for you. Miss P

Hi,

I just found this site and registered. How are you doing now versus August?

I am a NHL diffused B cell survivor...nine months in remission and the father of 5 children (twins 2 and then 11, 13, 15). I have fought for this cancer for over a year and if God let's me stay in remission for another year or 50 more then that's the way it will be but I will not stop learning (knowledge is strength and power for us) and I will not stop fighting.

I believe that to truly battle our fear and our cancer, we must have hope, faith and fight hard to beat it. In 7-10 years, they may have a cure or be able to stop the progression of your illness...have faith and hope but never stop fighting for your life and your child.

Gary