Denial Stage ?

I will try to be brief. First of all it doesn't look like this forum is very active and that concerns me because I might not get an answer.

My husband was just diagnosed with stage 111-b Squamous cell lung cancer. It is inoperable. T-4,N-3,M-0. He has all the symptoms, coughing up blood, wheezing, pain, dyspnea, fatigue.

The docs all say without treatment he will only last maybe 6 wks. With aggressive chemo/radiation combined he has a 20% chance.

I don't know alot about cancer but this does not sound very good to me. I do believe that God can heal my husband although I am not sure how much the doc's can do with this thing.

My husband is under the impression that he can go get his treatments, go back to work, when his treatments are finished the cancer will be gone and he will be fine. I think this positive attitude is great and is a big part of the battle but I am so afraid that he is in for a big let down and I worry about that.

I need help here guys. I don't know what to do or say.

Thanks

Jimmyswife

Try reading the lung cancer postings. There is a lot of information there. My husband's "denial" helps him I'm sure. He has lived and stayed reasonably active a lot longer than any of his Docs expected. It seems to me denial is a great strategy for dealing with the diagnosis as long as it doesn't keep folks from getting their matters in order or prevent them from needed treatment. It can make the caretakers job a bit harder, but oh well, it's the hand we were dealt? Best of luck and don't forget, you can be a better caretaker if you take time to care for yourself too.

Your husband is doing the best he can. I too have been, I wouldn't say accused, but hinted at that am in a state of denial. I'm stage 4 colon cancer with children still at home and newly married. Life goes on there is no time to wallow in self pity. i simply choose not to accept the dire statistics i read on the internet. If i die tomorrow i least i made the best of the day, today. I totally understand where your husband is coming from he has a good life with you and your children and wants nothing to change. He'll do the treatments, try to make the best of the day, and that's all he can do which is good enough.

Dear Jimmyswife,

I am diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and liver cancer that has metastasized from colon cancer last jan.08 Anyway...your husband will probably get worse before he gets better.  The chemo (i'm on the second round of 6 right now) is one thing that will prolong his life. The lungs respond to chemo very well and radiation all that much better.  The docs will do a scan in about 3 months. If the tumors in the lungs shrink enough, as if it would be an option to remove at that point. I certainly will ask that question because when you've been given a survival of 28 months...my thought is "why not"

Are the lungs the primary site?  Have hope....the longer we're around the more time they have to come up with a cure.  Tell him to drink alot of gatorade and water...dehydration is tough on the body and chemo will do that to you. What chemo cocktail is he getting?  What are the regiments?

I'm 43 years old with a 5 yo little girl.....live each day to its fullest....I try to tell my loved ones that you never know when it's your time...only God is in charge of that plan...and I truely believe that

 I'd love to chat more,

Gina

 

 

On 9/24/2008 Jimmyswife wrote:

I will try to be brief. First of all it doesn't look like this forum is very active and that concerns me because I might not get an answer.

My husband was just diagnosed with stage 111-b Squamous cell lung cancer. It is inoperable. T-4,N-3,M-0. He has all the symptoms, coughing up blood, wheezing, pain, dyspnea, fatigue.

The docs all say without treatment he will only last maybe 6 wks. With aggressive chemo/radiation combined he has a 20% chance.

I don't know alot about cancer but this does not sound very good to me. I do believe that God can heal my husband although I am not sure how much the doc's can do with this thing.

My husband is under the impression that he can go get his treatments, go back to work, when his treatments are finished the cancer will be gone and he will be fine. I think this positive attitude is great and is a big part of the battle but I am so afraid that he is in for a big let down and I worry about that.

I need help here guys. I don't know what to do or say.

Thanks

Jimmyswife

Dear Jimmyswife,

Without faith we have nothing. We lost my mother-in-law to pancreatic cancer within 3 months of her being diagnosed. She thought she would recover and did not accept the fact she was dying until the doctor told her it was time for hospice. Up to this point, she was angry, she was confused, and she had a lot of pent up emotions. She lasted 4 days from the day we started hospice. As someone who has had a personal experience with cancer Mother, mother-in-law, father, aunt, cousin, and very close friends, as well as myself, I can tell you this is a good time to get things in order for your family's sake, and to mend any relationships for your husbands sake. I can not tell you the peace that comes with knowing you are right with yourself and your family AND YOUR GOD. Not everyone gets this chance. I will pray for your husband and you as well.

God Bless

Pastor Jim 

 

Pastor Jim.......you have a private message.

I just found the names of my husband's chemo drugs. They are Cisplatin and Etoposide. Do these sound familiar to you guys.

Thanks alot

 

Hello Jimmyswife

 

I am a 48 year old  gastric cancer survivor i have been in remisssion for about 8 months I went through 6 cycle of chemo therapy .  My regiment was cisplain and taxotere.  I had to have 90% of my stomach removed and required GTube feeding for a year.  Please allow for your husband to feel the way that he needs to in order to go through his journey.  Alot of time the caregiver wants us the feel and see thing that way that the they do but it does not always work out like that.  My husband had to allow me to channel my thoughts and views that way that i needed in order to go through such a difficult jorney.  My prayers are with you and your family.

Hello Gastric Cancer Survivor,

It was so good to read your post.  I lost an older brother to gastric cancer.  We made a lot of friends on cancercompass.com during our journey with his disease.  We established the web site www.linitisplastica.org in hopes of helping others and your post is just the kind of message we want to post on our web site.  You can be an inspiration to so many people.  I'd like to hear your story.  Kind Regards,

Friends at LinitisPlastica.org  

On 9/25/2008 Petite47 wrote:

Hello Jimmyswife

 

I am a 48 year old  gastric cancer survivor i have been in remisssion for about 8 months I went through 6 cycle of chemo therapy .  My regiment was cisplain and taxotere.  I had to have 90% of my stomach removed and required GTube feeding for a year.  Please allow for your husband to feel the way that he needs to in order to go through his journey.  Alot of time the caregiver wants us the feel and see thing that way that the they do but it does not always work out like that.  My husband had to allow me to channel my thoughts and views that way that i needed in order to go through such a difficult jorney.  My prayers are with you and your family.

 

Thank all of you guys for your responses. First of all I think I may need to make myself clear. I am not trying to "make" my husband feel different than what he does. I have no right to do that.

I was just curious about the "stages" of learning you have a terminal illness. I have never dealt with this before.

He has had his 3rd chemo/radiation treatement now and he is doing fairly well, I guess.

He is beginning to have more pain and it hurts so bad to see him hurt and there is nothing I can do to fix it. I don't know how to help him

God Bless All Of You

I am so sorry to read your postings of uncertainty.  My husband had stage IV non small cell lung cancer.  He was 57 when diagnosed but he had another cancer 30 years prior.  He passed away almost three years ago but we had never given up hope.  In those three years they have made so many more strides in treating lung cancer.  I have heard so many success stories of people just like my Denis.  If you don't like what you hear from one doctor, go to another.  I hope you are going to a good cancer center.  I have a friend of mine who was diagnosed with stage IV and told he had a few months to live.  It is now about 6 years later and he is still alive and doing well.  he wouldn't give up and found a trial they were doing at Sloane Kettering.  Thank God, he didn't give up hope.

 P.S.  I don't believe my husband died of the cancer.  They couldn't find his records from 30 years ago and radiated him again.  I believe he was over-radiated because the PET scan a month earlier saw NO cancer.

I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.  Remember, miracles happen every day and why shouldn't your husband be one of them

Jeanne