Husband

On 10/7/2008 Husband4keeps wrote:

My husband died 5 1/2 months after his diagnosis of SCLC.  The chemo treatments gave us  incentive to endure the disease and for the time to pass with hope.  The best part of the 5 1/2 months was that we had time to show our love and support to each other(40 years of marriage.)  Our whole family connected in a way that may have never happened in his lifetime.  I can't believe he is never coming back but I do feel we faced the disease courageously and accepted the news with dignity when it was time to give up the fight and go with hospice.  I do believe the chemo shrunk the lung tumors and he never suffered from shortness of breath. His coughing was also limited during the last few months.  I think the bone treatment? Zometa? relieved him of having any bone pain.  I wish that we could have had a few months of remission because fatigue and treatments took up all the time.  Try to keep your loved one at home and use hospice if you can.  Protected family leave act allowed me to take time off of work to stay with him.  Take care.  Husband4Keeps 

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband.  You definately did the right thing by enjoying the time he had left.  My Dad was diagnosed on 8/20/08 with stage IV lung cancer with mets to the bone, lymph nodes and liver.  We don't know how long he has left.  But the chemo has helped him with the shortness of breath.  It's amazing how fast this helped him.  The only thing that I pray is he doesn't suffer long.  I'm embracing every good day that he has and helping him get through the bad ones.  My Mom and Dad have been married for 46 years and she has been so strong, she amazes me.  It sounds like you have been as well.  We have joined a support group but my Dad doesn't want to go.  This has also brought our family closer together.  We've always been close, but this has brought us even closer.  I'm almost numb to the fact that I will be losing my Dad, I know the facts but it hasn't completely hit me yet.  Take care of yourself, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

I'm sorry for the loss of your dear husband.  My husband & I had just celebrated 41 years together when he was diagnosed with SCLC in July this year.  He's a 4-year survivor of breast cancer and was so happy to have beaten that one, then this dx came and blew the wind out of his sails!  His mets are to his liver, colon and bone, although there has been shrinkage after his radiation and chemo tx.  We're grateful for family, friends, church support and our 2 adult daughters who are able to help (one of them also was granted family leave from her job in NYC to be here to help), so we feel blessed that our time together can be meaningful. 

My greatest fear is not knowing when to ask for hospice care and allowing him to be at peace in his home environment rather than spend his last days in a hospital.  How did you and your husband make those kind of decisions?  Will the Dr.'s be able to "predict" something like that?

I'll understand if answering these kinds of ??'s is still too hard for you, just know that I've appreciated reading your post about your husband, as well as your positive thoughts during his tx and care.  JLU

On 10/16/2008 JEANNEL wrote:

I'm sorry for the loss of your dear husband.  My husband & I had just celebrated 41 years together when he was diagnosed with SCLC in July this year.  He's a 4-year survivor of breast cancer and was so happy to have beaten that one, then this dx came and blew the wind out of his sails!  His mets are to his liver, colon and bone, although there has been shrinkage after his radiation and chemo tx.  We're grateful for family, friends, church support and our 2 adult daughters who are able to help (one of them also was granted family leave from her job in NYC to be here to help), so we feel blessed that our time together can be meaningful. 

My greatest fear is not knowing when to ask for hospice care and allowing him to be at peace in his home environment rather than spend his last days in a hospital.  How did you and your husband make those kind of decisions?  Will the Dr.'s be able to "predict" something like that?

I'll understand if answering these kinds of ??'s is still too hard for you, just know that I've appreciated reading your post about your husband, as well as your positive thoughts during his tx and care.  JLU

Dear Jeannel,  I just lost my husband last month (9/5) to small cell lung cancer.  He was diagnosed in December, 2006.  I was able to keep him home and have hospice come in 3 weeks before he died.  How did I know it was time?  Well, I'll try to give a bit of history.  Tom was able to keep working all through his treatment up until the end of July when he just got too week.  Things happened very quickly after that.  Last November we found out his cancer spread to his bones.  He continued with Zometa treatment and chemo.  We were one of the fortunate ones in that the only side effect from the chemo was extreme exhaustion.  He never threw up once.  Then, about 3 weeks before he passed away, we found out the cancer spread to his liver and then to his brain.  He knew it spread to his liver, but I never told him that it spread to his brain.  I saw no point in telling him that.  The doctor pretty much made the decision for us to call in hospice as there was no more treatment to be had.  I dreaded the decison, but Tom accepted it because he knew they'd be a huge help with pain mangement and comfort.  So, he was glad to have them.  So, I guess, you'll just know when it's time.  God has a way of giving us the help just when we need it. 

The other thing you can do is to call hospice for an evaluation and they can also help you to make the decision.  Don't do anything until you are ready .  One of the things that made me the most angry was ignorant people asking me when Tom was first diagnosed is "oh, are you bringing in hospice?"  Oh I used to get so mad. 

I hope this helps.  If I can be of further help, don't hesitate to write.

Kathy