tigger,
Having not had reconstruction I can't address your letter from that perspective but I have had a mastectomy and what you are feeling is not that uncommon. As you mentioned the teary days are getting fewer and farther apart and will get even better in the future. It takes time. You are probably tired of hearing that but it is true.
Reconstruction, once the healing is complete, should help you to feel better about your body image and your spirits should lift. If you let them. Concentrating on what you've lost will not help and finding a new normal should be where your attention is now.
We can't go back to what was. We're on this side of the bridge now and it beats the heck out of falling off the bridge before we get here. Congratulations for finding your way across. You've joined a distinguished group of survivors, here. There are people, both men and women, that have fought this battle and are now holding their own against the dreaded monster, cancer.
Search for anything good that has come from this. After all, you've made it this far and that is an accomplishment all it's own. Sometimes the smaller the battle, the greater the sometimes silly feeling of winning can be. My own piece of the puzzle is from chemotherapy. There was a good side. I had been suffering from a painful ingrown toenail. I lost all the small toenails from both feet and the big toes did some strange things. The straight nail curled slightly on the sides and the curled nail, that had been causing the ingrown problem, straightened out. I no longer suffer and worry about having that nail removed as it is no longer a problem! The small nails grew back and for the first time ever, they're actually pretty!
Most of us are much stronger and braver than we thought we could be. We are the shining light that others just going into this battle will search out for answers to questions, support, a person that understands to vent to and to lend a hand when we feel we can't go on.
Still not feeling like a warrior? Still just feeling like a victim? Consider that you and your medical team are fighting a very real battle and although you won't look or feel like George Washington or even Ghengis Kahn, it's still a battle. The feelings of victory are no less important in your life.
There are feelings, both emotional and physical, that are foreign to those that have not been where we are. Symapthy, empathy but not really an understanding is the best we can hope for. There are also the rude, the frightened and the curious. Treat them kindly as no one of us knows when it might be their turn.
I've found that when I'm feeling down or wonder what's coming next, the best thing to do is get on "the boards" and chat with others that have been here. They do understand. You may find someone or a few of them, that become close personal friends. I have and you will to. Just hang in there and keep the forward motion going towards the future and being able to have fun again.
Sorry this is so long. I tend to get wound up on this subject. ;-)