Advice about helping husband post- prostectomy

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Advice about helping husband post- prostectomy

by Brenna on Thu Nov 06, 2008 12:00 AM

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My husband had a prostectomy a month ago and hates me. He has even blamed me for getting cancer in the first place and looks for anything negative to focus on about me. We have five children and everday I try to be empathetic, but his anger makes it difficult. He won't tell me what I can do to help, just yells at me when I do something wrong. I don't know how to help him, the doctor says he will heal but it takes time. Does anyone have any experience with this process?
TAP

RE: Advice about helping husband post- prostectomy

by happyschatz on Thu Nov 06, 2008 12:00 AM

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as much as it sounds bad to say, anger is good.  it means he isn't denying it (that he has/had a disease)... it comes out in many ways and sometimes even the caregiver says things to the patient that hurts them unintentionally.  anger- if he shows you- is also good- that means you are important to him and he feels comfortable showing you this.  blame- another stage... still good- everyone has to go thru these feeling with this diesease.  it is almost like a death in the family without the presence of the body.  as strong as the patients and caregivers try to be, it can still reek havoc. 

they do offer antidepressents- Lexapro was great for my dad.. and Celexa helped also.  sometimes, it is good to ask the doc to prescribe you, the caregiver one, so that you can be productive while taking all of the emotions you have and the patient has-you end up having to sort thru so many sides of it. 

don't forget to take time for yourself- to balance, focus, sort thru emotions-even for just one hour.  with 5 children and a husband, i'm sure your time is verylimited.  and lean on your friends.  my dad and i both had great friends that would visit, bring stuff(even if it was toliet paper and paper plates).. help with vacuuming, etc.  don't be scared to tell those around you that you need some help or even a sounding board.

hang in there.. this too shall pass... it always does....

RE: Advice about helping husband post- prostectomy

by jcr65566 on Thu Nov 06, 2008 12:00 AM

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On 11/6/2008 Brenna wrote:

My husband had a prostectomy a month ago and hates me. He has even blamed me for getting cancer in the first place and looks for anything negative to focus on about me. We have five children and everday I try to be empathetic, but his anger makes it difficult. He won't tell me what I can do to help, just yells at me when I do something wrong. I don't know how to help him, the doctor says he will heal but it takes time. Does anyone have any experience with this process?
TAP

 

 

On 11/6/2008 Brenna wrote:

My husband had a prostectomy a month ago and hates me. He has even blamed me for getting cancer in the first place and looks for anything negative to focus on about me. We have five children and everday I try to be empathetic, but his anger makes it difficult. He won't tell me what I can do to help, just yells at me when I do something wrong. I don't know how to help him, the doctor says he will heal but it takes time. Does anyone have any experience with this process?
TAP

hi Brenna Iv had advance prostrate cancer for about two years now I know what your husband going though Iv been though it and it not your fault, be cause I have cancer I know how he feels, like the way I use to feel like I was  less of a man and use less. Being talked in to some barbaric useless operation,  maybe there was an other way, should have wanted it like we lost some thing really important. and cant find it, At the moment he feels really violated, and  he cant help it. I think its some sort of syndrome us mere males go through, I got into it to. Like I was defeated by an other male lion and I had to leave because I was sick and because  I was sick , I had to protect my family from that sickness, I to turned on my family I wanted to get away from them even though I love them more then life it self. He will get over it, just give him time. let him know the best way I found was to do some thing I use to love to do, With  me I went down to the gym and punch the bag till I dropped on the gym floor. I also think the best way to is  do some thing that really gets his heart pumping  show him this post tell him you love him and you now  know what he’s going through if you or your husband want to vent feel free to do so. God bless you both  Ray

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