My sister died

I am on this site for the support I seem not to be able to get anywhere.  I lost my sister to stage 4 lymphoma less than 5 months after dianosis.  She was scheduled for 6 intensive (96 straight hours!) chemo treatments.  She survived 5 of them and died 5 days afterward.  Since then I have been in a state of shock and seem not to be able to express how I feel and how devastated I am.  She'd stayed with me in between treatments and I cared for her as best I could, even going to treatments with her.  I feel so guilty as if my asking the right questions would have changed the outcome.  It seems the chemo was worse than the disease itself and I wonder had she forgone treatment would the last months of her life been better than constans sickness and hospital admissions.  This is the first time I have been able to express my feelings re: her death because it seems people don't understand.  I am grateful for this site because I feel understand and know I will be given the support I so desperately need.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  Please do not beat yourself up over what you might have done differently.  I am sure that you did everything in your power to make the best decisions with her.

I pray that God will hold you in his loving arms.

Robin

 

My sister died on 11/09/2008 of pancreatic cancer.   She refused chemo and tried some natural therapies, but died 4 months after diagnosis.   I also feel like I'm in a state of shock and disbelief.    I am the executor of her estate, so that has kept us really busy.   She lived several states away from me so I didn't see her until two days before she died.   She denied that she was that sick.   When I saw her I was shocked and felt guilty for not going sooner.    I was fortunate to be with her when she died though.   I agree that chemo can be worse than the disease.    I'm glad she did not do that.    It still does not seem possible that she is gone.

On 11/6/2008 fayesis wrote:

I am on this site for the support I seem not to be able to get anywhere.  I lost my sister to stage 4 lymphoma less than 5 months after dianosis.  She was scheduled for 6 intensive (96 straight hours!) chemo treatments.  She survived 5 of them and died 5 days afterward.  Since then I have been in a state of shock and seem not to be able to express how I feel and how devastated I am.  She'd stayed with me in between treatments and I cared for her as best I could, even going to treatments with her.  I feel so guilty as if my asking the right questions would have changed the outcome.  It seems the chemo was worse than the disease itself and I wonder had she forgone treatment would the last months of her life been better than constans sickness and hospital admissions.  This is the first time I have been able to express my feelings re: her death because it seems people don't understand.  I am grateful for this site because I feel understand and know I will be given the support I so desperately need.

 

I know what your going through...my sister died after 5 months also after diagnosis, only she had sclc stage IV mets to her bones. She died last Thursday and I'm still in shock. We have never lost a close family member, my parents are 77 and 80, so they are really taking it hard along with the rest of us. We to are having alot of would of should of... questions.If only I checked on her at noon instead of 3:30 like I always did everyday. My mother came to her room, pounding the door and left thinking she would get mad at her for waking her up at noon. The guilt is unbelievable...even though we know dying in your sleep is the best way to go if you have to go. We still didn't think it was going to be that day...released from the hospital in remission on Wednesday and gone the next day. I'm venting also...cancer is a bad disease and life is not fair sometimes!! Still sad....Becky

I'm so sorry for your family's loss, Becky.  What a shock for all of you.  I, too, am a victim of the could have/should have questions.   I was with my Mom all day on the day she passed away.  When I went to turn-down her bed (maybe 2 minutes??), when I returned there was a brown liquid coming out of her mouth and nose.  An image I will not be able to erase.  I believe she was already 'gone.'  I hope and pray that she passed away before this liquid came.  I am sure many of us on this message board wish they could have done things differently.   For me, I have absolutely no regrets of the last 4 months where I was my Mom's caregiver every day.  The only regret is the couple of minutes when I wasn't there for her  when she passed away.   Hope our pain will lessen.