On 12/13/2008
3lilangels wrote:
On 11/15/2008 dancie wrote:
I am recovering from a cone biopsy and scraping of cervix. I am 1 week post op. My wonderful MD called me on thursday 11-13-08 to let me know that my results from the biopsy came back and did show severe displasia of the cervix, which i knew, that was why we did the procedure. He also told me that the scraping that was done further inside my cervix also came back with displasia. So i am left with not many options. Eaither go for another cone, or have a hysterectomy. I think this has put me in a depression. I feel down, tired, and dont want to talk to anyone. I have one child and probably would not have had anymore, but it is tearing me up to have this taken away from me. I know i have to have it done. I feel like i am not worth anything anymore. thanks dancie
Hi! I see you posted this about a month ago. I hope you are feeling better. I don't know how much advice I can give because I am extremely new to this and I am feeling the same way you do. I go in for my cone biopsy on December 30th. I got a happy birthday (12-24), merry christmas and happy new year from the scheduling lady. Needless to say, I didn't find it very humorous. This has emotionally effected me, my 3 boys, my fiance and many members of my family. I know it has helped for me to go to work every day. It takes my mind off of most of what I am feeling. Think positive and make the best out of everything you do. Cherrish every minute you have with your child. Get as many hugs a day as you can. I always feel better when I get a hug. Their is something about them that is magical. I am a preschool teacher, therefore, my hugs are unlimited. Find a buddy through this message board to talk to when you are feeling down. I am hoping that I will find a messaging buddy from this site to help keep me up. We all have the same emotions and understand what each other are going through. I do have a question for you. How long did it take to recover from your procedure. I am only taking 2 days. The day of surgery and the next day. Good luck and I hope you feel better. from 3lilangels
Hi Dancie and 3lilangels -
I can so relate to where you are coming from but I am 1 1/2 yr past diagnosis and a year past treatment so maybe I can give you a point of view that got me through this - one that my dear (and very bright) grandmother had instilled in me when I was a child. Whenever she thought I was feeling a little too sorry for myself - she would tell me to look around and I could always find someone in worse shape. Those words got me through many tough times while going through chemo and radiation.
I can still remember "C" Day - the day that my ENT told me that there was an excellent probability that I had cancer and that I needed surgery immediately. I walked out of her office and out of the building and collapsed on the grass in tears. I was 60 years old but I called my step mother crying. I was too in shock to even ask "why me?" I had cancer in my left tonsil - a type of cancer that is more often diagnosed in men (90%) and generally to smokers and/or drinkers (I am not and have never been either). That was Wed evening and Mon morning I was in surgery - and diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma before I even left the operating room. I was petrified because I didn't know what to expect but as time went on, I began to rationalize - "why not me!" What was so special about me that I shouldn't be diagnosed with cancer while others had been diagnosed with it who were also good and caring people. Through talking to others, I began to realize that actually I was one of the lucky ones. Reading messages posted on cancer compass, I began to realize that I had a type of cancer that is cureable (not always and it does have a high reoccurrance rate) and I knew others were facing an even tougher battle -those with brain cancers and pancreatic cancer. I read about children who were facing battles with brain cancers and I wept for the children and for their parents. Two people that I got very close to at CTCA in Zion are still fighting the battle for their lives - and losing. Yesterday I emailed one of them - a couple I became so close to - and I cried as I wrote it. He has been fighting pancreatic cancer for the second time. He had it beat for almost 5 years but it reappeared and it had spread before it was found by his original oncologist who told him that he probably wouldn't live to see Christmas (and that was last year). His wife expressed her gratitude yesterday that CTCA has enabled him to enjoy yet another Christmas with their two sons. As I closed my email, I wanted to write Merry Christmas but I thought of 3lilangles remark. Do I ignore it or acknowledge it. Finally, I said "Enjoy your Christmas" because as I was writing it, I realized it would probably be his last Christmas with us (as CTCA says and I wholeheartedly believe - if God didn't give us an expiration date than why should we - there is always hope).
Dancie - honey - be thankful that you have one beautiful healthy child rather than concentrating on the possibility of not having another. Many women are unable to ever conceive a child. Take charge of your own health and learn everything you can about your condition. Knowledge is power.
This message board is the best as there are people on here who really care about you. They have been where you are and come back to share their knowledge with others. I know I had a mentor that literally walked me through treatment telling me what to expect and most importantly he gave me hope that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I am facing a possible reoccurrence and will know Wed after a surgical procedure but Grandma's words are deeply enstilled in me. I look around and I see friends who haven't had the last year of cancer "freeness" to enjoy so if I have to fight the battle again - so be it. One thing about cancer - when you get past the initial shock of it - you never take life (or good health) for granted again. You will have a different (and better) outlook on life.
I will remember both of you in my prayers and prayers do help!!! Talk to God - tell Him your fears - He understands and will be there for you. I am looking for a card to send my friend with "Footprints" written on it. He has told his wife for over a year that he isn't going to beat it this time - and he was right. Footprints has helped me tremendously - if you are familiar with it - a person is questioning why if God is always with us then why does he see only one set of footprints at times when he looks back over his life. God replies that those were the times when He (God) carried him because he was unable to walk on his own. Take care of yourselves and know that it is going to be okay - you will come out of this better in many ways - more compassionate - more understanding - and healthy again. May God bless you both and be with you through your treatments!
Diana