Need a pep talk

Hi, this is my first time to post a message, so forgive me if I break etiquette rules. 

I am 41, with 6 kids ages 5  to 17 ( 4 teens!)  I had a bilateral mastectomy in June, the right was elective, the left breast had invasive ductal carcinoma with 11 lymph nodes cancerous also.  I have just finished my last of 6 chemo treatments, waiting to begin radiation in about 2 weeks.  I have been feeling pretty positive until just recently, but for some reason the past week I have felt like having a major throw-down pity party.  I dont understand the reason behind it, except that this last treatment was a doozie, and I'm 2 weeks out and still feeling sick. I'm still nauseous, I want to sleep 16 hrs a day, I have all these sores on my head, my eyelids are peeling and raw, my eyes water constantly, and I cant focus on any task long enough to finish it.  I cant even remember my original reason for posting this message.  I guess I just needed to hear from someone - is there normalcy  after this? Right now I'm this bald, swollen, boobless, sick person, will I ever be ME again?

Hi Blessed6,

I'd say the way you're feeling right now is pretty normal. You've spent the last 5 months (probably longer) under an enormous amount of stress, totally focused on getting rid of this and getting well, and you probably haven't really given yourself time or a chance to just sit down and have a REALLY GOOD CRY!.  Well, take the time, give yourself a chance to do that, because you need it, and it certainly is deserved.

THe shower, or soaking in a really nice hot bath, is a good place for that cry. Gives you privacy, helps relieve your muscle stress, and makes it easy to clean up your face afterward. Plus, you can imagine your tears cleansing away ALL the yucky stuff that has been happening and all the awful fears, being sick, etc - then they will all go down the drain with the water from the shower or bath.

(Throw in a couple handfulls of epsom salt or otherwise soothing bath salts if you decide to do your cry in a hot soak. And warn your kids that mom's going to go have some private time to just let go and just BE for a while, and they are not to worry about you nor are they to disturb you!)

The side effects of the chemo WILL go away - it just takes time. And being good to yourself - as good of nutrition as you can manage, and being willing to treat yourself gently and kindly, are the prescription of the day. 

My hair didn't start growing back for about 3 months after I finished treatment. But it did come back. In the meantime, I did everything I could to make being bald fun. (I won a few bets as to how fast I could get a stranger to call me "sir" when I didn't wear my bandana out in public!)

As for the thinking problem - sounds like you have "brain fog" from the chemo (plus a whole wheel-barrow full of stress) - that too will go away, it just takes time.  Your kids are old enough to be helping with stuff - maybe you can talk to the oldest about helping you through tasks that require a lot of thinking. Be good learning for them, and really will help them feel like they are contributing to getting you well.

As far as being boobless - once you're through treatment, you will better be able to focus on re-establishing a nurturing self-image, that includes your altered body.  So hang in there.  For right now, remember:  better flat-chested and alive than the alternative!

Something else for you to consider:  you've just come through 3 VERY scary experiences _- being diagnosed with cancer, mastectomy, and chemotherapy.  Really normal to have the post-treatment breakdown. PLUS, you still have something very scary and unknown ahead of you: radiation.  You feel really crappy after everything you've gone through, and now you're afraid that you're going to feel even worse.  Pretty normal reaction - I'd be more worried about you if you WEREN"T having some problems coping right about now!

So, make an appt with yourself for that really good cry (or more than one, if needed.)  And KEEP that appt.  After you're done crying, take some really big, deep breaths, to get yourself re-oxygenated and centered.  And then anytime later that you feel like you're losing it, again, step back, take some big deep breaths, re-focus, and move on.  You can only live one moment at a time, so sometimes it helps to keep your concentration on the moment you are in right now, and realizing that right now you are surviving, and that's what counts!

Also, you might consider asking the doc if you can push starting the radiation back a week, to give you a little more time to get recovered from the chemo, maybe have a few days for yourself to do something relaxing and fun. Sounds like you need that. Especially laughter - find a way to get a good belly-laugh every day.  It will do you a lot of good physically as well as mentally and emotionally.   A week's delay of radiation is not going to make any significant difference in the long run.

Please take a look at my blog.  There are some things I do in my natural regimen that I think will not only help fight cancer, but will also help boost your immune system and improve your sense of well-being. Pay attention to the recommendation on selenium, calcium, zinc, manganese, magnesium and vitamin D-3.  Also, consider the thing that I emphasize for detoxification - lots of pure, fresh water and also green tea. You are welcome to email me if you have questions - there is a link on the blog.

http://motherearthtreasurechest.blogspot.com/2008/09/my-pers

As the poster with the little kitty dangling from the tree branch says: "Hang in there, Baby, Friday's coming!"  You've gotten through an awful lot this year, and you've done ok.  Believe that you will get through the rest of this OK too.

Sincerely,

Tre

On 11/19/2008 blessed6 wrote:

Hi, this is my first time to post a message, so forgive me if I break etiquette rules. 

I am 41, with 6 kids ages 5  to 17 ( 4 teens!)  I had a bilateral mastectomy in June, the right was elective, the left breast had invasive ductal carcinoma with 11 lymph nodes cancerous also.  I have just finished my last of 6 chemo treatments, waiting to begin radiation in about 2 weeks.  I have been feeling pretty positive until just recently, but for some reason the past week I have felt like having a major throw-down pity party.  I dont understand the reason behind it, except that this last treatment was a doozie, and I'm 2 weeks out and still feeling sick. I'm still nauseous, I want to sleep 16 hrs a day, I have all these sores on my head, my eyelids are peeling and raw, my eyes water constantly, and I cant focus on any task long enough to finish it.  I cant even remember my original reason for posting this message.  I guess I just needed to hear from someone - is there normalcy  after this? Right now I'm this bald, swollen, boobless, sick person, will I ever be ME again?

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a little pity party. Going through chemo after having such traumatic surgery is probably one of the worst and hardest things you'll ever have to do. I too would have occassional pity parties, the tears flowed, I asked Why Me over and over again. But then I started to read books about Breast Cancer, did some research, but I didn't become obsessive about the things I read, and I took lots of anti-depressants! (I don't think they really worked, but it made my doctor happy so I took them.) It will be 4 years in February since I was diagnosed and then treated for both the invasive ductal carcinoma and the less invasive type (I like to blame my not remembering things on Chemo Brain although its been 2 years since my last treatment!) I am taking Arimidex which is a type of chemo so I'll blame it on that!.)  I had reconstruction a year and 1/2 ago and am much happier now that I have cleavage again! I still have some pain from the original mastectomy surgery, but even that's getting better. My hair has grown back to the way it was before I went bald, my eyes quit watering and my nose stopped bleeding within a couple months or so after I finished A/C, then taxotere, then Herceptin. My nails are just as strong as they used to be, too! 

Try to think that "You" will never be the "You" you once were. You'll be better! You'll be stronger, more compassionate and you'll eventually feel like getting back to doing things that make you and your family happy. Eventually, all of the symptoms you described will go away. You just have to be patient and allow yourself to heal and to mourn your loss.  Rest when you feel like resting and cry when you feel like crying. It will be better soon!  Hold on to those around you for support and, again, give yourself time. Take care, my sister!  Carole

You've been through so much already, there's no way you can't get past the rest.  I am a lung cancer patient - 47 years old, told I would live less than a year, five years ago. It's all in the mind.  Be strong, think positive, eat right, and try to read encouraging things and stay away from the "statistics".  A book that might give you some inspiration is "Lynn Front to Back", and is sold on Amazon. I love it. Even though I am not a breast cancer patient, her book gave me alot of inspiration, and the drive to move forward and not believe everything my oncologist told me. If I'd have listened to him, I'd have been dead four years ago.

 Keep the faith and think positive. 

You are entitled to a pity party and I think you should enjoy it. Have a good cry. I too, in much less distress than you, have had unexpected bursts of emotion where I started crying and couldn't stop. Can you get anyone who is supportive and can help you to pamper yourself for a weekend away and have someone else take care of your kids. You need to rest and if you feel like crying, no wonder. If I lived nearby I would be htere for you. Hang on. Of course it will get better- but don't be surprised if thoses emotions keep surfacing- after what you have gone through. You will be better. I hope soon.

Thanks so much for your response.  I have to say, that was probably my worst day emotionally. I went the next afternoon to the hospital and hung out with the folks I used to work with, and they let me do my old job for a while just to show me I was still capable.  Yesterday I did spend the whole day crying, and I realized, I never cried when I was diagnosed, or when I had surgery, or when I lost my hair, and so yesterday it really kicked in, If I wasnt laughing I was crying, about stupid things. I actually cried everytime someone said "I hope you are feeling better."  It felt good, I went to bed early, exhausted, and slept great. Today I got my wig styled, put on eyelashes and tons of makeup and a sparkly shirt, and went to my kids homecoming game. I even drove my daughter in the homecoming parade, and went to the aftergame party with all my teens! I wore what used to be my tightest jeans, which fit great now!

I think one of the things that really hurt me that day was the "pride" thing, because a few of my closest friends said to me, get over it, you have not worked in 6 months, you have six kids and Christmas is approaching, ASK FOR  HELP! I finally had to admit that things AREN't normal right now, and I cant do it alone (that is, my husband and I cant do it alone), and for once we are gonna have to realize that its OUR turn to be helped. 

Thanks to everyone who responded to me! I really needed to hear it. Love and God Bless, may you be cured and cancer free forever.