I am so (&*! angry and sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May 17, 2007,  One of two dates I will never forget--Diagnosis.  Dec. 17, 2007,--Right side Mastectomy.  I was 39 when Cancer stole my breast and forever altered my life.  

It's almost been a year and I want to know when I start getting on with my life?   When do I wake and not think about what Cancer has done to me?   How can I not think about it,  I am reminded in the mirror every morning. 

To make things worse I have to go in for more surgery.  I elected to have reconstruction done at the time of the Mastectomy.  It was a very, very good reconstruction!  I was satisfied.  Some how I have managed to tear appart my Latisimus muscle from my Pectoral muscle.  This now leaves my implant floating around.  Additionally my under arm is swelling up. 

I so want to be happy and move on but I am angry and sad!!!!  I am also scared.  My father is the only person who is alive on his side of the family.  They all died of Cancer.  I know I am destined to have Cancer again.  

Any advice on how to move on?

I just looked at your message and thought I would tell you how I live my new life.  I was dx in March 08, had a left masectomy April 08, started chemo May 08 and finished chemo early Oct.  Now I am having radiation until Dec.30, 08.  The cancer that I have is HER2 + 3/3 with one node positive.  This really through me and all of my family for a loop due to the agressve nature.  There is no breast cancer on either side of my family.  My treatments have been worst to best starting with a left mastectomy.  I had the A/C treatment from hell.  Next was Taxal and Herceptin weekly until early Oct.  Now I am still taking Herceptin (until July 21, 09) and radiation daily until Dec. 30th.

Ok now how I looked at all of this.  First , cancer has been a blessing (scary as it is) in my life.  I was working a job where several evenings ( besides my eight hour days) and stress were indicative of my daily grind.  I had to stop and take a look at what God has planned for me.  I really struggled letting go of my job, while on medical leave, to stay open to what His plan was.  It wasn't until Oct. that I started to see somewhat of a path.  There was no breast cancer support group in the town where I live so I am starting one on Jan. 8th, 09.  It has opened a different world to me but one that I can identify with.  I have other plans that will be different in my life but I feel God has shown me this way.  I know that there other ways that I am supposed to be living my life and He will show me when the time is right.  God has a wonderful plan for us but we sometimes need to be patient and look for it to open in our lives.  I have been blessed with a husband of 32 years that is very supportive.  My three grown children and two wonderful grandchildren have been so supportive and comforting.  I have realized that there are a lot of people who are there for me and it helps me on this journey.  I am not sure what your faith is but God has given me peace and a plan that helps me get on with my life.  I wish you this peace and look for the gifts that cancer has brought you.  They are there I promise.