I'm sorry you are so down on yourself about this. Please understand your boyfriend could have been a carrier and did not realize it. So, he could have been the one to pass it along to you. There are women whose only partners were their husbands. When they were diagnosed with dysplasia or worse, it was then they learned their husbands had either lied about their sexual history or cheated on them. Those are the saddest stories of all because of the terrible breach of trust. HPV is too common, and most people are carriers. This is why we need to get the medication from Nventa, CNRS, and Roche available to us sooner. Please understand you are not dirty. Your immune system broke down, and you developed cellular changed from prolonged exposure to HPV the same way you would, had you had a prolonged exposure to bacteria.
Can you tell your boyfriend how upset and frightened you are and what you need from him for support? Our loved ones want to be there for us, but sometimes they need to be told exactly what we need. In addition, do you have somebody to go with you, at least to hold your hand? It makes it so much easier when somebody we love can support us, that way.
Before you go through with the LEEP, though, did your doctor
1. Show you the lab report so that you could see what has been happening?
2. Fully explain what you have, where it's located, how extensive it is, how many qudrants are involved, if it's in the endocervical, and if dysplasia is in the endocervical glands?
3. Tell you what you could have done to boost your immune system so that your body could naturally fight it off?
4. Discuss the risks and benefits of all your treatment options - cryosurgery, laser, LEEP, and cold knife cone biopsy - before making a recommendation?
5. Mention there is an HPV DNA test that could determine which strain you have, especially if your case is more aggressive? (Insurance companies don't like to pay for it because it's new, so he may not have been allowed to tell you about it.)
If he did not do the first four, please get a new doctor immediately. It is a requirement for him to educate you, and a doctor who does not follow regulations should not be trusted.
If he has been thorough with you, then I am happy you have such a caring doctor, and I definitely hope all goes well for you.
In regards to the LEEP, tell the doctor you want your cervix measured beforehand. Then when you get pregnant, you can tell the OB/GYN about the LEEP and how long your cervix was before it. The more information a doctor has, the more he or she can make sure you go home with a live baby. An OB/GYN wants to do everything possible to make sure that happens.