Mom is not doing good....help!!!

My mom had a total gastrectomy Aug 29, 2008 and was recovering very well.  Her CT scan in Nov came out clean and was doing great up to 3 weeks ago when she started feeling nausiated, one day she had fever and dr said she had a urinary track infection, she is now having abdominal pain, bile and acid reflux and vomits after every single meal, can't keep anything down.  She has become very week, she is laying down most of the time, she is also extremely depressed.

I have spoken to her dr and she is getting hospitalized tomorrow for rehydration and to do further exams - because of the symptoms her dr thinks her cancer might have come back.  He does not recommend any chemo or radiation treatment as he thinks it is not effective in her case.  He said we should just keep her comfortable and pain free and wait for the end to happen - this is so hard as I am her only child.

I don't know what to do, should I push for chemo treatment? is she too weak to stand it?  I am mainly afraid because I just lost my dad (Dec 30) to lung cancer.  He only lived 5 months from the time he was dx - he received chemo and radiation therapy that put him in neutropenia, he had no defense in his system, he had been in bed so long he could no longer walk, he went into a severe depression where he stopped eating, went in a coma and died.  He used to say that the therapy he was receiving was a big mistake and that he was only going to finish his round and not take any more....................I really don't know what to do.  Is this the beginning of her end?  Any advise will be appreciated.

 

I'm sorry you are going though this, especially since your father just passed away. From what you wrote it sounds like your mom's symptoms are very similar to my husband's. Unfortunately for him the last 2 months of his life were spent in the hospital. This particular cancer is very difficult to treat and one that still needs more research to better treat future patients. I don't want to scare you by telling you this, but instead make you aware that this indeed may be something that takes her life. Enjoy your time with her. Take lots of pictures, make handprints together, or write each other love notes that you can treasure forever. Do all you can for her and don't have any regrets. God bless.

 

On 1/21/2009 cal1519 wrote:

I'm sorry you are going though this, especially since your father just passed away. From what you wrote it sounds like your mom's symptoms are very similar to my husband's. Unfortunately for him the last 2 months of his life were spent in the hospital. This particular cancer is very difficult to treat and one that still needs more research to better treat future patients. I don't want to scare you by telling you this, but instead make you aware that this indeed may be something that takes her life. Enjoy your time with her. Take lots of pictures, make handprints together, or write each other love notes that you can treasure forever. Do all you can for her and don't have any regrets. God bless.

Thank you for your reply.  Can I ask you how long your husband lived after these symptoms started? Were the last days very painfull?  My mom's doctor thinks it might be about a month.  My mom is in Peru and I am in Dallas so I don't know when exactly to go as I have a job and 3 little girls that I cannot just leave any time.  I have talked at the office and I can go for 3-4 weeks but what if I am there and come back and she passes away a few days after? My oldest child is in kindergarten and I don't know if I can take her out of school for that long of a period.  My husband will probably go a couple of weeks after as he is also short on vacation at this point.

I want to be with my mom until her last day but can't afford to leave work and my girls for so long.

Thanks and I will continue praying for my mom's health and for God to guide me.

I am very sorry to hear your story, my brother also passed away with gastric cancer, every body experienced different, as I remembered he threw up a lot and a few week later he got pneumonia and one week later heart failure and went in coma and gone the next day. I would suggest you get to her as soon as you can, you can talk to her and share some good memories she probably dehydrated very much every day since she keep throwing up. It is true that now is the time that how we keep her comfortable and pain free. My brother on hist last week, he agreed to have a constant injected morphine at specified rate in his vein and he had pain free and gradually went into coma and ended very quick. Whatever she wishes you have to make her understand and accept it.

God bless her and your family,

 

GOD BLESS YOUR POOR HEART. I am sorry about your dad. As for your mom what ever she wants. if she wants to fight help her fight. If she wants to be out of pain and sedated do that. Cause what ever she wants for her own body will make you at peace. Some people fight some dont for those who are sick and in pain to be high on morphine and they stop eating it will move fast as they will get weak and become more and more less responsive. Ask her what she wants...

We all want to live forever.

you poor thing you have no time to moarn the lose of your dad and now you are about to lose your mommy. I am so sorry . X shannon I am truely sorry... Very Scarey stuff.

You want to do what is right ask her. She will tell you and stick to it. Tell her not to worry about you. What ever her wishes are demand it of the Drs

Go see your mom. Take your kids out of school. They can always make it up. I am a principal in an elementary school and kindergarten is the best grade to miss a few weeks of if you had too. And, yes... demand chemo.

Please know that you are not alone and many people are living with your and your Mom's pain.  It is important you know her wishes, know what she wants and allow her to life the rest of her life as she wishes.  I just lost my Mom Dec 3 to this dreaded disease.  We were very fortunate to have 20 months together before she passed away.  Her wishes were to stay with treatment as long as possible, stay at home and no hospice.  I wouldn't wish this dx on anyone, but it was probably the most amazing time of my life.  We knew we didn't have alot of time left - but who really knows how much time anyone has.  We were always close - but that changed when we were given only 6-8 months.  We talked about everything and I knew exactly what she wanted and more importantly, what she didn't.  We eventually stopped treatment in September and she was sent home to die.  We had lots of family parties, friends were always in the house, there was always a buzz and lots of planning.  She eventually moved in with me just before Thanksgiving and I brought Hospice in the Monday after.  Ma went to sleep Sunday night and never really woke up.  We kept her very comfortable and she was in complete control right up until the end. 

 Go to her, hold her hand, brings lots of pictrues and go over each and everyone of them, but mostly .......... talk to her.  Tell her how much you love her and she'll always be with you.  Tell her you and your family will be alright, and that you love her.  Ask her what she wants, more treatment - care and comfort, it's all about her and her wishes. 

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your Mom and all those who have and will walk down this dreaded path.

Luanne