Survivors

I´ve just been told by my best friend that was operated yesterday that she has got breast cancer. She is really young, 28, and I was wondering if this was better in the sense that she can battle against this disease with more chances than older people. I really don´t know what to tell her to make her feel better, I would like survivors to tell me what you hated and got on your nerves and what you really appreciated from the people around you. The strong point in our friendship is humour, and perhaps I can make her laugh despite all this. What are the first days like? How did you feel and what did you want? Please, I need to know.    

Buy her Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book. Tell her not to hurry into anything. The results of her surgery/biopsy pathology determine her prognosis. Cook her some food and tell her youll be there if she needs you. Don't impose or push yourself on her. She will need time to become knowledgeable but tell her you are there if she needs you. I went nuts and didn't want to talk to anyone most of the time and then sometimes I was frantic for a reassuring voice.

 

On 1/22/2009 Belusa wrote:

I´ve just been told by my best friend that was operated yesterday that she has got breast cancer. She is really young, 28, and I was wondering if this was better in the sense that she can battle against this disease with more chances than older people. I really don´t know what to tell her to make her feel better, I would like survivors to tell me what you hated and got on your nerves and what you really appreciated from the people around you. The strong point in our friendship is humour, and perhaps I can make her laugh despite all this. What are the first days like? How did you feel and what did you want? Please, I need to know.    

Belusa,

When I found out that I had Breast Cancer, my husband was with me and he was upbeat and encouraging.  My surgeon, a woman, was a great Doctor.  She would not let me feel that I was dying.  I knew that I had to have surgery and radiation and maybe chemo (the chemo did not happen).  I was lucky that my cancer was small and did not affect the nodes.  One thing you do not want to say or talk about is other people who have had cancer at ANY age and have died.  It scares the patient to death.  Offer your help and talk about things that you have always talked about.  Be there for her and that will help.  My first husband had brain cancer and eventually died, I did not cry in front of him and I tried to talk about what we would do in the future.  I knew the future but was not going to say things to him along those lines.  When we have a disease, we need help and encouragement.  I wish your friend the very best in her journey.  I am 58 and still here and all mammograms have been fine SO FAR.

Take Care,

Diane

 

Hi Belusa,

Another couple of great books for your friend are "Breast Cancer Survival Manual" and "Take Charge of Your Breast Cancer, A guide to getting the best possible treatment."  Both are by Dr. John Link.  Your friends should stay informed as to her stage, type, etc.  Knowledge is power and the more she knows and understands her disease the better prepared she will be to conquer it.  Also, laughter is the best medicine, there will be many things she will just have to sit back and laugh at, it eases the worry.  More and more B/C patients are surviving now, it is no longer a death sentence.  I also had accupuncture along with my chemo to ease the side effects and it does work.  Another member on this site has some great information.  Her name is Trehouse and I'm sure she will respond to your post as well.  She has a great web site with a lot of helpful information.  Also, have your friend ask her oncologist lots and lots of questions.  Dr. Links book has suggestions on things to ask.  I am actually a patient of Dr. Weisman who is Dr. Links partner and their B/C practice is awsome.  These Drs. teach their patients about their disease and keep not only themselves up to date on the latest and greatest, but their patients as well.  Dr. Susan Love's book is great too.  You friend should read all these books.  Best of luck to both you and friend and keep a positive attitude with lots of laughter.

Teresa

I am a survivor--diagnosed in 2004--had radiation but no chemo.  I just turned 59.  I have learned in my volunteer work with breast cancer victims that everyone reacts to the BIG C differently.  Some want LOTS of people; lots of comjmunication; lots of contact.  Some need to back away from society for a while.  I went through a mixture of both emotions.  My suggestion is to send cards often--or emails.  That way your friend knows you are thinking of her without you getting in touch with her during a "leave-me-alone" period.  Just follow her lead--but DO something.  Someone who you EXPECT will be there and isn't is so very ,very hurtful.  She is lucky to have a firend like you.

Thanks for your replies and suggestions. My friend will go under treatment- radiation for now- and will be operated on 2 more times. Her therapist has helped her to deal with this in the best possible way-staying positive. I found your tips very helpful, I try to stay around and provide practical help, make her laugh and when she feels like talking about this, let her do it.