~I don't know how I am going to survive without him~

My husband has lung cancer. He isn't going to live much longer according to the Doctors. We love each other so much and have been together so long that I now realize what a fatal mistake we made. Now that he is sick and has been in the hospital for two months, I have nobody, not family or friend to turn to. I am completely alone.

Many years ago we owned this old beach house that had a stone fireplace. One day an animal got stuck in that fireplace, I will never forget the high pitched scream it made as it tried to save it's own life, the scream went on and on for hours and we could not help the poor thing. It finally died.

Last September after my husband hadn't been feeling to well, his Doc  ordered him to go and have chest x-rays due to a cough.  We then went food shopping, we were at the store about a 1/2 hour and home again after being out for about an hour all totaled. I noticed our voice mail light going off when I walked in so I called to get my messages, there were three.

The first message was the nurse the of the Doctor that my husband had just seen an hour earlier, asking us to call the office right away. The second message was the same nurse telling us to get my husband to the emergency ASAP, by the time I had gotten to the third message and heard the same nurses' voice, I heard another sound that I knew I recognized and I remember thinking to myself "is there an animal caught in the chimney somewhere?" Only then did I realize that the mournfull screaming of a dying animal that I was hearing, was acutally me.

I'll never forget the way he looked at me when I screamed like that. Just like our little dog with his head cocked to one side as if to say "what in the world is the matter with you?" When I told him we had to go to the hospital right away I could tell that he still didn't get how serious it was.

We got to the emergency room and sat down across from about 7 people on a bench who appeared to be family. All of sudden they were all talking to us and pointing to the floor, when I looked down I saw my husbands wedding ring had fallen off his suddenly slender finger and was spinning and spinning til it dropped, I knew then that I would not have him much longer, somehow I just knew it. 

Tonight we were told he has a blood clot on the lung that isn't so bad and that they will need to pump him full of heprin and that in itself could be dangerous enough to kill him. I know that he needs to be there that he is getting the best of care but every part of me just wants him to come home for as long as he has left.  Am I being selfish? I don't know, I hope not but God help me I love this man so much and I miss so much I really don't know how I am going to survive without him. Do you??

First of all my deepest sympathy to you. I know what you are going thru. I just lost my mother to lung cancer on january 17th. I was asking this question last night at 3 in the morning. The only thing that I can tell you is to just be with him as much as you can. Unfortunately this disease takes its toll fast. My mom was alive for 1 year after she decided to tell me and my sister. ( I am 29 shes is 37). I knew as she got older she would not be here forever. But that doesnt ease the pain or make it any easier. I know that your husband would want you to live and be happy even without him. You have to think of that when the time comes. I am sure if it was reversed you would want the same thing for him. Dont leave anything unsaid, and be there to comfort him when needed. 

I dont know how I am gonna be on this earth without my mother. She was in my life for 29 years. She was a happy person, always went to vegas when she had the money with a bunch of family and friends. I talk to her at night and tell her how things are going. I miss her terribly and there are many months ahead. I will find the strength from god to do this, and so will you. I dont know where you live, but if you lived nearby I would come and visit you, it seems like you need someone to lean on during this time. If theres anything I can do please let me know.

Kelly

R.I.P Mom 7/18/40-01/17/09

On 1/25/2009 Belle59 wrote:

My husband has lung cancer. He isn't going to live much longer according to the Doctors. We love each other so much and have been together so long that I now realize what a fatal mistake we made. Now that he is sick and has been in the hospital for two months, I have nobody, not family or friend to turn to. I am completely alone.

Many years ago we owned this old beach house that had a stone fireplace. One day an animal got stuck in that fireplace, I will never forget the high pitched scream it made as it tried to save it's own life, the scream went on and on for hours and we could not help the poor thing. It finally died.

Last September after my husband hadn't been feeling to well, his Doc  ordered him to go and have chest x-rays due to a cough.  We then went food shopping, we were at the store about a 1/2 hour and home again after being out for about an hour all totaled. I noticed our voice mail light going off when I walked in so I called to get my messages, there were three.

The first message was the nurse the of the Doctor that my husband had just seen an hour earlier, asking us to call the office right away. The second message was the same nurse telling us to get my husband to the emergency ASAP, by the time I had gotten to the third message and heard the same nurses' voice, I heard another sound that I knew I recognized and I remember thinking to myself "is there an animal caught in the chimney somewhere?" Only then did I realize that the mournfull screaming of a dying animal that I was hearing, was acutally me.

I'll never forget the way he looked at me when I screamed like that. Just like our little dog with his head cocked to one side as if to say "what in the world is the matter with you?" When I told him we had to go to the hospital right away I could tell that he still didn't get how serious it was.

We got to the emergency room and sat down across from about 7 people on a bench who appeared to be family. All of sudden they were all talking to us and pointing to the floor, when I looked down I saw my husbands wedding ring had fallen off his suddenly slender finger and was spinning and spinning til it dropped, I knew then that I would not have him much longer, somehow I just knew it. 

Tonight we were told he has a blood clot on the lung that isn't so bad and that they will need to pump him full of heprin and that in itself could be dangerous enough to kill him. I know that he needs to be there that he is getting the best of care but every part of me just wants him to come home for as long as he has left.  Am I being selfish? I don't know, I hope not but God help me I love this man so much and I miss so much I really don't know how I am going to survive without him. Do you??

I am so sorry for you and your husband.  I lost my husband nearly 3 years ago to lung cancer.  I could see him going downhill steadily and it was probably the hardest time of my life.  I remember everyone telling me to take care of myself or I wouldn't be any good at helping my husband.  Fortunately, I had 2 sons living at home at the time and they were a tremendous help to me and my husband.  As the previous writer said, leave nothing unsaid.  Tell him how much you love him and will do everything to make him comfortable.  Just be with him all the time.

Reading your post brings back a lot of painful memories.  I believe God gives us the strength to handle situations we ordinarlily wouldn't be able to.  Take one day or one hour at a time and leave everythng in God's hands.  He'll provide for you.  I know my faith has gotten me through a long hard journey.  I still miss my husband terribly, some days are worse than others but time does help.  I will keep you in my prayers and if you would like to correspond my email name is

  God bless you.

Jeanne

On 1/25/2009 jeannemac wrote:

 

On 1/25/2009 Belle59 wrote:

My husband has lung cancer. He isn't going to live much longer according to the Doctors. We love each other so much and have been together so long that I now realize what a fatal mistake we made. Now that he is sick and has been in the hospital for two months, I have nobody, not family or friend to turn to. I am completely alone.

Many years ago we owned this old beach house that had a stone fireplace. One day an animal got stuck in that fireplace, I will never forget the high pitched scream it made as it tried to save it's own life, the scream went on and on for hours and we could not help the poor thing. It finally died.

Last September after my husband hadn't been feeling to well, his Doc  ordered him to go and have chest x-rays due to a cough.  We then went food shopping, we were at the store about a 1/2 hour and home again after being out for about an hour all totaled. I noticed our voice mail light going off when I walked in so I called to get my messages, there were three.

The first message was the nurse the of the Doctor that my husband had just seen an hour earlier, asking us to call the office right away. The second message was the same nurse telling us to get my husband to the emergency ASAP, by the time I had gotten to the third message and heard the same nurses' voice, I heard another sound that I knew I recognized and I remember thinking to myself "is there an animal caught in the chimney somewhere?" Only then did I realize that the mournfull screaming of a dying animal that I was hearing, was acutally me.

I'll never forget the way he looked at me when I screamed like that. Just like our little dog with his head cocked to one side as if to say "what in the world is the matter with you?" When I told him we had to go to the hospital right away I could tell that he still didn't get how serious it was.

We got to the emergency room and sat down across from about 7 people on a bench who appeared to be family. All of sudden they were all talking to us and pointing to the floor, when I looked down I saw my husbands wedding ring had fallen off his suddenly slender finger and was spinning and spinning til it dropped, I knew then that I would not have him much longer, somehow I just knew it. 

Tonight we were told he has a blood clot on the lung that isn't so bad and that they will need to pump him full of heprin and that in itself could be dangerous enough to kill him. I know that he needs to be there that he is getting the best of care but every part of me just wants him to come home for as long as he has left.  Am I being selfish? I don't know, I hope not but God help me I love this man so much and I miss so much I really don't know how I am going to survive without him. Do you??

I am so sorry for you and your husband.  I lost my husband nearly 3 years ago to lung cancer.  I could see him going downhill steadily and it was probably the hardest time of my life.  I remember everyone telling me to take care of myself or I wouldn't be any good at helping my husband.  Fortunately, I had 2 sons living at home at the time and they were a tremendous help to me and my husband.  As the previous writer said, leave nothing unsaid.  Tell him how much you love him and will do everything to make him comfortable.  Just be with him all the time.

Reading your post brings back a lot of painful memories.  I believe God gives us the strength to handle situations we ordinarlily wouldn't be able to.  Take one day or one hour at a time and leave everythng in God's hands.  He'll provide for you.  I know my faith has gotten me through a long hard journey.  I still miss my husband terribly, some days are worse than others but time does help.  I will keep you in my prayers and if you would like to correspond my email name is

--Message edited by CancerCompass staff. For personal protection, email address removed. Consider private reply. Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html--

  God bless you.

Jeanne

 

Jeanne, Everything you are telling Belle is so accurate.  I lost my husband to lung cancer on September 5, 2008, soon to be 5 months ago.  I don't know what I would have done without God and my church family as well as my step children.  I don't come to these boards as offten any more as it's too painful.  It's like reliving everything all over again.  Some days I'm okay and then other days I just want to die myself just to be with Tom again.  I know time will help, but when you have such a loving relationship with someone as you had and I have had, it's difficult.  I live in Ohio.  Where do you live?  It would be so nice if we all on these boards could just have one big in person meeting to hug and suport each other in person. 

Belle my heart goes out to you.  You have a long road ahead.  And who knows, maybe your husband will be one of the blessed and be able to beat this disease.  They're making inroads everyday.  God bless you both.

Kathy