After math

I had a  masectomy in 2007 radiation and chemotherapy.  I was off work for 18 months and am just trying to return.  As hard as the surgery and treatment has been I am having a harder time now.  The numbness in the my hands and feet, the pain from the Femera in my hands.  I almost feel more emotional now then I did before.  Has anyone else been through this, am I just being silly.  It is so hard to talk to friends and family. As supportive as they are they just want to know that you are okay.  I have joined a gym, my diet is completely changed, I take supplements and read as many positive books as I can.  But all of a sudden I am more depressed then since my initial diagnosis.  Is this normal, shouldn't I just be grateful to be alive? 

 Janet

On 2/1/2009 Gentile wrote:

I had a  masectomy in 2007 radiation and chemotherapy.  I was off work for 18 months and am just trying to return.  As hard as the surgery and treatment has been I am having a harder time now.  The numbness in the my hands and feet, the pain from the Femera in my hands.  I almost feel more emotional now then I did before.  Has anyone else been through this, am I just being silly.  It is so hard to talk to friends and family. As supportive as they are they just want to know that you are okay.  I have joined a gym, my diet is completely changed, I take supplements and read as many positive books as I can.  But all of a sudden I am more depressed then since my initial diagnosis.  Is this normal, shouldn't I just be grateful to be alive? 

 Janet

Hello Janet,

 I am sorry you are depressed.  It is alright to feel that way, but you need to tell your doctor.  You may need something to help you through this difficult part of your recovery.  I hate that I am not as physical as I was before, I hate I have gained weight, and I have good and bad days with depression. I went through most of what you went through and I have been taking the Femara for almost a year.  Th pain in my right hand is really bad at times, and I have it in my other hand, knees, shoulders and ankles.  I constantly drop things, have a hard time opening bottles and lifting things.  Sweeping, lifting a pot, trying to support a coffee cup can become a real chore.  I can't peel things anymore without lots of pain. I hate being this way, but I just have a good cry and push on.  I make myself get up and get moving.  I work at home, a lot, but I do go into the office on a regular basis.  I am sure your feelings are normal, but be sure you keep your doctor informed.

 Best of luck to you!

 Ann

On 2/2/2009 cacann wrote:

 

On 2/1/2009 Gentile wrote:

I had a  masectomy in 2007 radiation and chemotherapy.  I was off work for 18 months and am just trying to return.  As hard as the surgery and treatment has been I am having a harder time now.  The numbness in the my hands and feet, the pain from the Femera in my hands.  I almost feel more emotional now then I did before.  Has anyone else been through this, am I just being silly.  It is so hard to talk to friends and family. As supportive as they are they just want to know that you are okay.  I have joined a gym, my diet is completely changed, I take supplements and read as many positive books as I can.  But all of a sudden I am more depressed then since my initial diagnosis.  Is this normal, shouldn't I just be grateful to be alive? 

 Janet

 

Hello Janet,

 I am sorry you are depressed.  It is alright to feel that way, but you need to tell your doctor.  You may need something to help you through this difficult part of your recovery.  I hate that I am not as physical as I was before, I hate I have gained weight, and I have good and bad days with depression. I went through most of what you went through and I have been taking the Femara for almost a year.  Th pain in my right hand is really bad at times, and I have it in my other hand, knees, shoulders and ankles.  I constantly drop things, have a hard time opening bottles and lifting things.  Sweeping, lifting a pot, trying to support a coffee cup can become a real chore.  I can't peel things anymore without lots of pain. I hate being this way, but I just have a good cry and push on.  I make myself get up and get moving.  I work at home, a lot, but I do go into the office on a regular basis.  I am sure your feelings are normal, but be sure you keep your doctor informed.

 Best of luck to you!

 Ann

  Thank you Ann!  I will see my doctor this week and let him know that I am having a hard time dealing with all this.  I am sorry you are in so much pain, I hope it will lessen as time goes by or when you no longer need the Femara.  I can gather strength from your story and keep going.  You are right a good cry is a great release.  Thanks for understanding, I wish you all the best in your journey.  If there is one positive to this whole thing it is that we are so much stronger then we ever thought we could be.   Janet

Hi there Janet

Just joined on here, spotted your comment!, I am 38, dx was is Jan 07. Mastectomy, total lymph clearance(axillia r/h). Neoadjuvant chemo, turned down having Rad - i decided agaisnt it! ER+/PR+ grade 3 tumour, which was aggressive! 13 months of Herceptin, ovarian ablation.

Is it hardly surprising the things we have been throught o find we are exhausted, aching, struggling through daily life!! We are amazing you know!!

I find that as soon as your hair grows back, your 'recovered' fro ops etc, everyone thinks you are back to normal!!! Errrr I dont think so! I was peeling spud for family sunday lunch this week and could of cried from the pains in my hands holding the peeler! I cant open bottles/caps etc without pain. I am so tired ALL THE TIME. Weight is a big issue, whilst trying to loose wewight at slimming world, I amfighting with myself thinkingf.... actually i could be dead/or going to die from cancer... what the hell am I doing thinking I can noit treat myself to something I fancy or 'NO, better have cereal rather than the toast and butter that I would really like'.

iT IS JUST PLAIN CRAZY. The only person who i feel understands and really takes time to listen are my Mum, and a good friend I have made who has had exaclty the same treatment, and op as me!! She still have ovaries .... !!

I think today I just feel angry with life, people and probably myself!!! My 42 yr old sister died last July, from bowel cancer, we would call each other all the time.. and have a laugh about silly things, butr also have a moan and understand what each of us was going through!!! I miss her so much... this has actually just made me cry thinknig about it! She would be telling me off right now, for even thinking of being on a diet!  She was my inspiration, I was dx with my cancer when she had been told hers was terminal, yet she was amazing, so concerned for me!!! Yet she was the one who knew she was going to die!!

I am sorry, I feel I have ranted... you only wanted to know if anyone else felt the same....!!!!!

This is to me the hardest bit so far!!! the having to appear to be coping ok, getting on with daily life... to be honest I just want to crawl away and hide from the world.

Not all together very positive, sorry

Rebecca xx

On 3/17/2009 becks0130 wrote:

Hi there Janet

Just joined on here, spotted your comment!, I am 38, dx was is Jan 07. Mastectomy, total lymph clearance(axillia r/h). Neoadjuvant chemo, turned down having Rad - i decided agaisnt it! ER+/PR+ grade 3 tumour, which was aggressive! 13 months of Herceptin, ovarian ablation.

Is it hardly surprising the things we have been throught o find we are exhausted, aching, struggling through daily life!! We are amazing you know!!

I find that as soon as your hair grows back, your 'recovered' fro ops etc, everyone thinks you are back to normal!!! Errrr I dont think so! I was peeling spud for family sunday lunch this week and could of cried from the pains in my hands holding the peeler! I cant open bottles/caps etc without pain. I am so tired ALL THE TIME. Weight is a big issue, whilst trying to loose wewight at slimming world, I amfighting with myself thinkingf.... actually i could be dead/or going to die from cancer... what the hell am I doing thinking I can noit treat myself to something I fancy or 'NO, better have cereal rather than the toast and butter that I would really like'.

iT IS JUST PLAIN CRAZY. The only person who i feel understands and really takes time to listen are my Mum, and a good friend I have made who has had exaclty the same treatment, and op as me!! She still have ovaries .... !!

I think today I just feel angry with life, people and probably myself!!! My 42 yr old sister died last July, from bowel cancer, we would call each other all the time.. and have a laugh about silly things, butr also have a moan and understand what each of us was going through!!! I miss her so much... this has actually just made me cry thinknig about it! She would be telling me off right now, for even thinking of being on a diet!  She was my inspiration, I was dx with my cancer when she had been told hers was terminal, yet she was amazing, so concerned for me!!! Yet she was the one who knew she was going to die!!

I am sorry, I feel I have ranted... you only wanted to know if anyone else felt the same....!!!!!

This is to me the hardest bit so far!!! the having to appear to be coping ok, getting on with daily life... to be honest I just want to crawl away and hide from the world.

Not all together very positive, sorry

Rebecca xx

Dear Rebecca

 I am actually on my way to the gym right now and I know exactly what you mean.....why in the world am I doing this when I hurt and can't feel my feet because of the numbness!!  I jokingly say that at least my friends can comment on how skinny Iook if I pass away (of course they are horrified) but you have to laugh or you will spend all your time crying.

I am so sorry to hear about your sister, my sisters and I had drifted apart but when I was diagnosed they came back into my life full force.  It is one of the few positives of my illnessl.  I have a good friend who is a survivor but the last time we spoke she was feeling a little less hopeful then she has and I felt so lost because she has been a constant rock.

I know this has been the hardest part for me.....my doctor tells me it is like post traumatic stress but how do you explain that to people. 

I found out recently that I am going to be a grandmother.  That was something I never thought I would experience!  But oddly enough with the joy comes some fear that I will not be there for this little one.  I just kind of push through that and focus on the positive (but you know that somedays you just can't).

Thank you again for your response, we are very strong women as individuals and a group.  When you are having a bad day think of me and I will do the same of you.  Know that there is someone out there who understand and sends you good thoughts and positive vibes.  Today for me is a good day and I will take as many of those as I can.

 Stay strong and well and sent me a message whenever you want.

 Janet

Hi Janet,

Thanks for your res[ponse....did you get to the gym!!!!

What lovely news, being a Grandmother, when is the baby due??

It is a whole new beginning, thats a great thing!

Sorry, about my earlier message, maybe it was a little over the top!!

Take care, contact me anytime, you feel down OR happy!!!

Becky xx