emotionally jumbles up

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emotionally jumbles up

by cupfull_of_hope on Sun Feb 08, 2009 12:00 AM

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I was diagnosed with stage 0, vaginal cancer in 11/08. I since have been undergoing monthly treatments with the 5FU chemotherapy cream, and have really started to get in an emotional slump. I am normally a very upbeat person, and am typically trying to help everyone else feel better. For this reason I am really struggling with my downturn in my attitude. For me, I have found it very difficult time and time again to be told, "you know how lucky you are, they caught it so early", I do know this, but can I still have my time to be sad and angry for having to go through this? I have a very dear friend just diagnosed with terminal hepatobiliary cancer. I know I am going to be o.k. and he's not. I know I am "lucky" in that respect, but I am hurting. I yet again have burns and blisters and am just sad, my recent pap/biopsy is yet abnormal. Can anyone relate? I am just wondering - am I being selfish for just wanting a little time to be blue and feel sorry for myself, despit recognizing the blessing in early detection? tell me, share with me. I have made an appointment with a therapist, but yes you gueesed it they can't get me in till April!! I really feel like i am barely staying afloat!!!!!!!!!!!!!    -cupfull of hope

RE: emotionally jumbles up

by shoppinggirl14 on Thu Jul 30, 2009 12:00 AM

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I totally understand how you are feeling.  I haven't received a "stage" yet, but I am anticipating it to be zero.  They did catch it very early through a annual exam and a abnormal pap.  I feel extremely fortunate because of this.  I read the cancer websites and they say that vaginal cancer is curable, but until now I have never heard the word curable in conjunction with the work cancer. I had surgery on Monday and they removed the mass which was the size of a dime.  They also did a cone biopsy of the cervix to make sure it hasn't spread to the cervix.  We believe it is contained to this one mass they removed.  I had an MRI and chest x-ray and both those were clean.  I feel blessed I have zero symptoms and even after the surgery I have had zero pain.  

I'm a very upbeat person and I feel I will make it through this.  However, I have days that I just want everyone to quit telling me how lucky I am and that everything will be treated easily.  Unless you have gone through Radiation and chemo, how can you say it will be easy.  I'm tired of everyone guessing what my treatment will be.  No one knows including me, and we are in this wait process until next week to find out the exact treatment regimen and how long that treatment will take.  

I find the hardest part about having cancer is the normalcy of life that it takes away.  I'm a big time planner and I can't plan what is going to happen in two days because I don't know how the treatment will effect me physically, and for how long the treatment will be.  We have post poned two vacations that were planned, but for how long?  It makes me want to scream!  

I see your posting was a couple months back.  I hope by now you are on the mend and your treatment has subsided.  Hang in there!

Wanda

 

 

 

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