Anxiety

I was just diag with Cancer yesterday 02-11-09.  I would like some advice on how to deal with anxiety?  I have not cried yet I guess I'm trying to be strong for my neice and nephew.   If I had a good cry would that help with the anxiety.  Any tips would be appreciated.

 

 

Marie15751

 

Hi Marie,

I was diagnosed in 2004 and as I recall, my GYN, who broke the news over the phone, invited me in to talk with her.  I chose, instead, to talk with my primary care physician.  She helped a lot; in fact, she'd been trying to reach me when I was enroute from my office.  I did cry in her office.  I trusted my PCP's recommendations and, once I'd chosen a GYN oncologist, I talked with her and discovered my oncologist was her oncologist and she recommended him highly.  Seeing the oncologist as soon as possible and scheduling the surgery with little delay helped.  I knew the unknown wouldn't remain unknown too much longer.   

I'm a normally anxious person, but I've learned to put aside my worries until I can actually address and resolve them.  If something important creeps into my thoughts, I write it down so I don't continue to think about it. 

Since endometrial cancer caught early is curable, thing good thoughts!

I hope everything goes well for you. 

MerryK 

 

 

 

Marie15571,

(Sorry this is so long, but I want to show hope)

I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer a little over one month before my 40th birthday in Feb. of 1998 (seems so long ago, but I remember every detail of it).

Hearing you have cancer is very, very scary.  We've all been "programmed" to think cancer means definate death and that is not so.  Unfortunately in my family all of the women have died of cancer at a young age...the oldest, my grandmother being only 59 and my mother only living to 54.  I was sure I would eventually hear those words, and I was right, but I heard them a few years before I expected I would.

Because of family history of cancer, I always went for my paps yearly hoping to catch anything early.  Thank goodness I did.

I went for my pap in November and it came back normal; however, I was having some bleeding problems since September.  It continued to get worse over time and my doctor wanted to do a D&C; however, the insurance said no I had to do other measures first, so we tried various medications, but it didn't help.

Finally in the beginning of February I got my D&C.  He found a polyp in the upper part of the uterus, which he said was about the size of a pencil eraser.  My first question in recovery was, "is it cancer?".  He said no, it was pink and very healthy tissue all around it and he even took pictures of it and showed me!

I recovered, went home and about my merry way.  I had a recheck in 2 weeks to make sure everything was ok.  At that check-up I knew something was wrong.  They put me in a room and he was going in every room except mine. The nurse popped her head in and told me to hang on, he wanted to get everyone else out of the way so he'd have time with me.

WARNING flags went off.  Why in the world would he need to have time with me for just a re-check???  I was a nervous wreck.  Sure enough he did the exam and all was fine then he sat down and said he wanted to read me my test results.

Not far into the report there was that nasty word...carcinoma.  I didn't hear another word after it.  My heart dropped into my stomach, my face flushed and I was extremely hot and shaking.

He sat and talked with me for quite awhile.  He explained to me that he couldn't believe there was cancer either because the tissue looked so good.  There was nothing visible to the naked eye to show cancer.

He even had them re-run the test.  Then he went and did it to make sure they didn't goof it up.  He then got the slides and took them to a friend in Chicago to have him look too, because he said he still couldn't believe his eyes.  That doc concurred with the findings and after looking at the edges of the polyp said that he honestly felt that my doctor had gotten all of the cancer when he removed the polyp.  My doctor took additional lining around the polyp, as he always does when removing anything, just in case.

Because of my family history with cancer, they both agreed the best course of action for me was to send me for all the tests and scans to make sure they weren't missing anything anyplace else and then schedule me for a total hyst and biposy the heck out of the whole thing, just to make sure.

I was alone when I heard this diagnosis.  My husband was in another state on business and this was before cell phones so I didn't talk with him until 2am.  I had 2 sons at home, ages 10 & 14, and they had their science fair that night.  I had to go there and see all those people and keep this all in because I felt my husband should be the first to know.  It was horrible!  After I talked with him at 2am, I told him to sleep and then come home in the morning when he was rested because I didn't want to be worrying about him driving so far at night.

We went to my doctor 2 days later and we were able to ask all the questions (always write them down as you think of them so you won't forget...and NO question is stupid or dumb!).

I was scheduled for the hyst one week later and I had a whirlwind of tests and scans to go through.  I was like a robot going through them all and scared to death.  It was hard to tell my work that I needed additional time off and why.

I guess it was God's blessings that I was actually working at the grade school where my kids went as a first aid employee and it was a Catholic school (I was not Catholic at the time).  When I went in and told them they were all so kind and offered to do anything for me whenever I needed it.

One of the nuns pulled me aside and talked with me for quite sometime.  She gave me a prayer card and then told me to pray it and to try really hard to put this all into God's hands.  Just release it.  She said it is what it is and just pray for God to help you and your family deal with whatever the out come is going to be.  At the time I thought, that's so much easier said than done; however, when I got home I got into a soaking bath to relax and I prayed that prayer over and over and a calm came over me.

It was so strange, but I was no longer afraid.  The morning of the surgery I had my kids still go to school and let them know how much I loved them and that their dad would let them know when I was out of surgery.  The school had an all school mass and they prayed for me also and it was comforting knowing they all were praying for me too.  As I went to surgery I told my husband, I'm going to be fine and we'll get through it.

I had the hyst, and all went well with the surgery.  Since I'd had 2 c/sections for the birth of my sons, I had to have an incision that was in line with those so that was much more painful than a bikini one!  Advantage to this was they were able to see everything in my stomach and groin area to make sure visually there was nothing else to "surprise" them that didn't show up on the scans.

Everything was sent to the lab to have a biopsy.  Two weeks later I went in for my next check-up and got the great news.  They found no trace of cancer in anything.  When he did my D&C and removed the polyp that was it.  They figured that the cancer had probably only been growing for about 2 weeks or so.  Since it was really only barely in my lining and didn't extend into the lining more than 50% I required no chemo and no radiation at all.  Unbelieveable!!!

I had gyne appts every 3 months for the first year...every 4 months for the next year...every 6 months for the next 2 years, and then yearly for the next 6 years.  All has been fine, and since I've made it past the "5" year mark I'm considered cancer free and out of remission and it's as if I didn't have it.

I'm hear to say, you can live through cancer...especially if you catch it early.  Sure it's scary to go and get checked out, especially when you're having problems.  No one wants to hear they have it....but so much better to get it as early as you can!

Hang in there, keep going to your appointments, ask questions, and pray.  There have been studies that show people who pray have better out comes with their diseases.  It can be a miriacle or maybe just the peace that comes with it, but whatever it is, it does help.

God Bless!

 

Sorry...as if I haven't written enough already, but I just remembered another thing that I did while I worried so much.

I allowed myself to have a "pity party"...or that's what I called it.  Every day after the kids and my husband went to school and work I would allow myself 15 minutes to cry, scream or whatever to get it all out.  I mean many times I had the "ugly" cry too!LOL

After the 15 minutes I tried to compose myself, tell myself that I'll get through this and that I am going to be ok. 

By allowing myself to feel sorry for myself, I was able to get it all released and I gave myself permission to cry and just get it out.  You can't hold it all in.  For me, I'd rather do it alone (the really ugly crying).

I also talked with friends and family, but sometimes that's hard because they feel uncomfortable with it all too because they don't know what to do or say. 

I usually started out my conversation with them by telling them what I was looking for from them...whether I wanted some advice, I just wanted them to listen to me and cry with me, or if I wanted a hug.  Hugging and crying is good.  By letting them know upfront what you are needing from them helps you to get what you need and them to know what to do or say and relieves some of their anxiety too (yes they get anxious too because they are worried about you and most want to help but they don't know what to do or say and most are afriad to bring it up because they don't want to upset you so it's like this big elephant in the middle of the room).

Sometimes I didn't want to talk or think about the cancer at all and I just wanted a night out with my friends to have fun and laugh.  Those nights I told them what I wanted, we did the "talk" about the cancer first and cried and then we went and had fun and put it behind us.

You can't keep it in.  You have to let it out and do it in anyway that helps you feel better (but keep it legal).

As for nephew and niece, they will need to know and it's better coming from you with their mother/father.  Of course you have to make it age appropriate too, but they are going to sense something is wrong and they will think much worse things so better they hear something from you.  They'll be able to handle it if you give them the right information and make it clear to them to not listen to what anyone else has to say, that you will tell them the truth and you will answer their questions and nothing is off limits.  They can ask anything they want and if you don't know the answer you'll find out.  Let them know other people will talk and they tend to make it much worse than it is, so not to listen to them.

If they do hear something and it scares them, then they are to come to you and ask you.

If you have questions or need to write, as you can see I have no fear of sharing anything...so I will answer all I know too.

again,

God Bless and good luck!

Hi I am so sorry for the news you got of having cancer.  You are in the shock stage, then will come crying, then anger. All normal stages to go through.  As for the anxiety, my doctor gave me light wieght xanax 0.5mg, but they work just half of one eases the anxiety for me. Try to find all the information you can about the stage and type of cancer that you have. Knowledge helps you talk with your doctors better.  Talk about this news even if it is with strangers, you need to talk about it. When I found out about my cancer, I didn't know that websites like this existed, so I didn't have anyone to talk with, Let me tell you when I had my second surgery I was able to talk with people and it surely does help. Have a strong,positive support group around your, family and friends and all of us. Best of luck to you and you will be in my prayers.  If I can do anything to help you let me know.  Be sure to say what kind of cancer you have it will help us help you.

Sincerely,

Belinda

Dear beenthere_Stillhere,

 I think your story of dealing with you cancer diagnosis is a very realistic one.  I am glad that you have found the support you needed to face this disease.  I agree that you should tell younger family members.  My daughter was 10 when I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer, and I told her myself that I had cancer but was getting treatment to get well.  She was very helpful after my surgery and during my radiation treatment.  Now that she's a young adult, she said she appreciated my openness with her, and was glad that I gave her ideas on how she could help me get well.

I too have a a devastating family history of cancer.  My mother and her mother both had endometrial cancer, too, but my gynecologist did not take the family history seriously (called me paranoid, said I was too young for endometrial cancer).  Turns out, when I was diagnosed with it too, I was older than both my mother and grandmother were when they were diagnosed, and my gyn was shocked.  All but two members of my family have died of cancer, some young, some not so young, some of their first primary, some of their second primary.  My sister had three primary cancers before her 50th birthday, but is alive, well and has been cancer free for almost 6 years.  I know that there are many genetic causes of cancer, including many that have not yet been discovered by researchers, and it sounds like your family and my family are among those with hereditary cancer. 

Thank you for sharing your story.

Another thought:  as most of you with endometrial cancer know, pap smears are not reliable for detecting endometrial cancer.  You can have clean pap smears and still have endometrial cancer.  It usually takes an endometrail biopsy to detecdt endometrial cancer.

You will find strength in unexpected places or so I've found!  Let people help in any way possible.  It is totally normal to go through the whole spectrum of emotions from denial to anger etc.  Let them happen. What helps each of us varies.  Try to be open to things that bring you joy and know that you deserve them. I wish you strength and good news as you decide the treatment courses ahead.