not wanting to quit chemo

Hi - My sister has advanced recurrent borderline ovarian cancer that has spread to her lymph system. Her doctor has told her that chemo is not helping her anymore and that she should think about comfort care. She has not listened to him and seems to be in total denial. My mother-in-law is her caretaker and she has not been eating well since Christmas, sleeps all the time, has lymphodema throughout her entire body, takes daily shots for blood clots, is on lasix for fluid in her lungs and heart and has been unable to take chemo more than once in the past 2 months because of low blood counts, low blood pressure, dehydration, fluid in her heart, fluid in her lungs, fatigue, etc. She is supposed to be getting it every 3 weeks and then off a week, avastin and gemzar together. She has become very dehydrated recently which is causing her not to think clearly. My mother-in-law is scared to leave her alone b/c she could try to drive somewhere, fall or whatever. Has anyone been in this situation? Where it's clear to everyone that the patient needs to stop chemo, but they won't? I feel like it is just needless suffering to take these drugs that aren't and can't help her anymore. What about when her mind gets even weaker and she can't make decisions? She is extremely angry all the time at everyone, especially my mother-in-law who has to remind her to take all her medicine, see if she's eaten, gone to the bathroom, etc. My husband and I have suggested that she get a part time nurse to help ease the burden on her mom and take over the medical caretaker role - we think that would really help their relationship and stop some of the endless fighting. SHe insists that things are fine, her mom can handle it and she doesn't need anyone. My mother-in-law would love to call hospice, but it would completely freak out my sister. We don't know what to do. She won't listen to us and it doesn't seem that she's listening to the doctor either. I know that she is scared that if she quits chemo, she is giving up and resigning to die. She doesn't know how to wake up everyday without hope and I don't know what to tell her. She is 39 years old and has had this cancer since she woke up from surgery at the age of 23 and was told that she had ovarian cancer and they had given her a total hysterectomy.

any advice is greatly appreciated.

Your family is not alone in dealing with this type of denial - try calling this number or visiting this web site.  They offer free counseling for cancer patients and their families.  They may be able to help, or possibly give you a contact in your community of someone who can help.

 www.cancercare.org
1-800-813-4673

At some point your mom and you and the rest of the family are going to have to just flat out say that the situation is too much for you all to handle, and that you need to bring in professional caregivers so your mom can get some relief. Your sister's insisting on not bringing in anyone else is grossly unfair to your mom - you may need someone from the outside to intervene to help your sister see that your mom needs help.

Even if your sister does not come around to see reason, please do whatever you need to do to see that appropriate care is available, whether or not she accepts it.  You may not ever be able to relieve her desperation - some people do not ever accept that they will lose a battle to cancer - but at least you will have the peace of knowing that you did the best you could under extremely trying circumstances.

There are cases where drs have said there is no hope yet the person has survived.  They aren't common, but it does happen.  And I would hope that could be the case for your sister - that her belief would prevail.  But in the meantime, I really believe you need to reach our for professional help in dealing with this situation.

Sincerely,

Tre

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister!  I also have recurrent borderline ovarian cancer (since 1998) ...... came back in 2004 & has been giving me a run for my money since - 2 more surgeries & Carbo/Taxol, then Gemzar (since 5/08) ..... now my tumor marker is going up again - going through scans now.  Research www.gerson.org - I just emailed someone else about it, too.  I am trying to figure out how I can do it as I am hesitant to also have more chemo (they're talking Avastin for me, too w/another chemo drug).  Avastin side effects scare me.  Healing the Gerson Way is a great book.  Researching all avenues can't hurt & those that are open minded w/no good news from the doctors may want to consider it.

 My best to you and your family!  Kris

Hello, 

My doctor told me about 6 weeks ago that it was time to get my affairs in order.  Of course, this is not the conversation I thought I would have that day.  But I am grateful that she did so to speak kick me in the butt.  This way I can do as many necessary things for myself, like a Will, Pwoer of Attorney, evening talking to a Hospice community, arranging my funeral, and things like that.  Now, that all that is done, I can focus on living and fighting the good fight. 

I agree that you and your family should seek hospice on your own.  They can certainly help your mother and sister.  Find one in your community and ask them for their support.  You'd be amzed at what they can do to help the situation. 

Your mother can no longer do this by herself, she needs help.  I am sorry about your sister and hope that she will see it from your eyes. 

 

Deb

Hello Kris .............I noticed in your post that you are open to researching all avenues so thought the following links would be of interest to you. The doctor I see specializes in treating his cancer patients with intravenous vitamin C as part of their alternative protocols and has had many successes...... This first link is rather technical but the information is very encouraging for ovarian cancer........Here's just one paragraph from the RESULTS section............... School of Medicine, University of Kansas Medical Center, Kansas City, Kansas................... "The patient declined further consolidation chemother- apy, but instead elected to continue with oral antioxidants and parenteral ascorbic acid infusions. CA-125 levels remain nor- mal to date over three years after diagnosis." Reference.............http://integrativemed.kumc.edu/documents/Antioxidants%20with .......................http://homodiet.netfirms.com/otherssay/letters/vit_c_cancer. .........................I hope this information will be helpful for you......Sheila _____________________________________________________________

On 3/19/2009 Scorpion wrote:

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister!  I also have recurrent borderline ovarian cancer (since 1998) ...... came back in 2004 & has been giving me a run for my money since - 2 more surgeries & Carbo/Taxol, then Gemzar (since 5/08) ..... now my tumor marker is going up again - going through scans now.  Research www.gerson.org - I just emailed someone else about it, too.  I am trying to figure out how I can do it as I am hesitant to also have more chemo (they're talking Avastin for me, too w/another chemo drug).  Avastin side effects scare me.  Healing the Gerson Way is a great book.  Researching all avenues can't hurt & those that are open minded w/no good news from the doctors may want to consider it.

 My best to you and your family!  Kris

my ex husband quit cemo for he could not afford it anymore he is sick all the time and no strength looks pale is this common he has not had a chemo treatment in about 6 weeks will this stay like this