anger

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anger

by conijah on Mon Mar 23, 2009 12:00 AM

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I want to know what to do about the anger that my daughter in law has for me since she was diagnosed with level 4 brain cancer.  Her personallity has changed,  we got along fine before the cancer. She was first diagnosed with brain cancer 5years ago.  She got pregnant last year and had the baby fine.  The cancer came back a level 4, she seems to want to keep me from seeing my son and my grandchildren.  She finds fault with me and tells my son false things about me and gets him mad at me the children are leary of me because they know Mom is mad at me.  I have tried to find symtoms of anger that brain cancer patients deal with to help me deal with her rage toward me.  I have not found anything, I am sad about my dear daughter in-law.  I have tried to be very sensitive to her and treat her with love.  I am accused of flirting with her dad and her brothers and acting like a child with my grandchildern.  My son believes her and says his wife has no reason to lie and that the accusations she had made make him sick.

I do not want to upset them anymore than they are dealing with level 4 brain cancer.  They have 3 little girls and are a loving special family.  I am grandma and it hurts to be banned from their lives. Is this just part of a family member having cancer so I just deal with it and stay away from them?  Is there anything I can do?  Are there any groups out there that deal with personality changes and anger issues of the cancer patient? 

RE: anger

by PatrickNF on Mon Mar 23, 2009 12:00 AM

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Depending on the location in the brain - it is very possible that a tumor can affect personalities.   Prior to my wife's diagnosis, I sensed a change in her demeanor. 

Further, meds such as decadron used to manage edema - can create almost a 'roid rage and anxiousness that feels like anger.    Even the most calm and patient person can turn a bit ugly when on steriods.

You should not forget the emotional drama of dealing with a life threatening illness - especially after thinking that you might have beaten back the cancer .... add in the realization that you may not see much of a new life  (the baby) ... and you have quite the emotional stew.

Instead of making this about you -  let matters calm down a bit, learn a bit more about  her meds, tumor location etc.  Educate yourself, so that you can provide information to your son.  

Finally ask yourself if any of the problems your DIL has with you are based on reality.    If so, then stop those behaviors. 

 

RE: anger

by Lorre_G on Tue Mar 24, 2009 12:00 AM

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I agree with the other responder.  There are so many things going on that can and do affect behavior.  The location of the tumor (you didn't say where it was) can be the most telling.

The frontal lobe affects many things including:  decision making, judgement, behavior, mood, personality and more.

The temporal:  speecj, behavior, memory, emotions, etc.

Parietal lobe: reasoning, intellidence and more.

Speak with your son again, ask him to consult her physician or even a neuro-psychologist.  They can explain what is happening.  I can hear the heartbreak and despair in your post.  I hope you can find some common ground and that understanding can ease your pain.

 

RE: anger

by Nikis_Dad on Thu Mar 26, 2009 12:00 AM

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we all have filters that filter out the little things that dont matter.My daughter lost those filters. She does not have the ability to control anger.

The slightest little annoyance can send her into a tirade.

Its part of the disease. Understand that and you can get through it.

Its not really her talking. Its her brain processing everything thas going on out loud.

Bless you all

RE: anger

by GardieGar on Thu May 31, 2012 06:02 PM

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I can feel your hurt.  I am going through the same thing and it is so difficult.  I am accused of stealing, lying, not providing food, leaving the house for days at a time and none of it is true.  I am the primary caregiver of my aunt.  She was diagnoised with a glioblastoma multiforme brain tumor 19 months ago.  I have never been on such a roller coaster ride.  It has effected my health, my marriage, etc.  This is not about "me" and I do understand that the woman has a brain tumor, but so often people, other family members, etc. do not understand what we go through as caregivers of these patients.  I wish you good luck and I hope things have gotten better for you.

RE: anger

by Nina77 on Thu May 31, 2012 06:57 PM

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If you want to show your love, u do not need to be physically there.  Prepare meals or order and send by someone esle, send small gifts, gift cards, and packages to show that you care.  They do not need any tension in their life right now.  call and leave messages, and do not expect return call. Let them deal with it. They must be busy with GBM (require 24 hour attention) and then they have kids.  When they are ready they will call you back.  

RE: anger

by GardieGar on Fri Jun 01, 2012 12:53 PM

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I am the primary caregiver for my husband's aunt so I have to be here 24/7 without any relief.  I was just venting.  I totally agree with the answer to the mother-in-law's situation.  Love from afar.  I hope things will get better.  Pray.

RE: anger

by kim55 on Fri Jun 01, 2012 07:49 PM

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My husband has a glioblastoma IV.  The steroids and his tumor location has definately changed h is personality.  I think that's what I miss the most.  While I thank God that he's still with me, he's not the same man I married, and I find that so, so sad.

RE: anger

by siblingof on Sat Jun 02, 2012 12:30 AM

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Just want to note that the original post is three years old.

RE: anger

by glasscgg on Tue Jun 12, 2012 10:44 PM

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I noticed too that the original post was old but the topic seems to be timeless.  My brother, who is 13 months older than me, we discovered he has stage 4 brain cancer.  He is 47 years old.  He called me last night to tell me that it is fine if he never sees or talks to me again.  The term "sister" means nothing to him.  He never wants me in his house again & will never step foot in my house again.  I am a liar & a conniver. I mean nothing to him.  I don't know what brought this on...I'm told it's the tumor talking..etc.  I am devestated!!    I lost my father 20 years ago from brain cancer. He was only 59.  Cancer brought my family together then but now it's tearing my family apart. His wife wants nothing to do with me, my mother & my other brother. When I bring him anything, his wife wont let me in the house.  I had to leave dinner on the stoop!!! Everything we did for him has be twisted..we are now the enemy!!!  How did this happen???? 

Cathy

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