My Grandmother was just diag. with stage 4

Hello Everyone,

My grandmother (who will be 80 on May 5th) was just diag. with stage 4 gallbladder cancer.  She went in to have her Gallbladder removed on March 18, 2009 and when the doctor came out to talk with my mom, she just broke down.  It wasn't good!  The doctor said it was the worst he had ever seen.  It was on her gallbladder, stomach, liver and diaphram.  The doctor wanted to send her home as soon as she woke up, but my mom told him no that they were going to do some test before we left that hospital.  After 3 days in the hospital we had an appointment at DUKE University in North Carolina within the week. My grandmother never cried.  Wow, I did.  I had just lost my other grandmother (age 93) on February 24, 09 and now God was taking my other grandmother.  We went to Duke on the 31st of March and the doctor said it was stage 4.  My grandmother is a very strong woman, but since she has heard the word cancer she seems like she doesn't want to eat nothing but soup and ice cream.  She complains about being full all the time and has a horrible pain in her upper right shoulder.  The doctor said the only thing we could do was start cemo if she wanted to help her with the symptoms she is having.  It wouldn't cure the cancer just help her to adjust.  I feel like she is already giving up.  I don't know what to do.  The only time I have seen her tear up was when my sister asked the doctor how long he thought she had.  The doctor asked were we sure we wanted to hear that and after my mom blurtted out YES my grandmother's face just drained of color.  I stopped the doctor from saying anything and told him to tell them out in the hallway.  He told them 6 to 12 months, but I'm wondering if the pain from the cemo and the 2 hour drive to Duke would be worth if we know she is going to die soon anyway (I have done lots of research and I know it doesn't look good).  My grandmother doesn't know how long and I don't want her to know.  This is very hard to cope with and I want to help her everyway possible.  Do I need to take her to someone to talk to?  Is this normal for her not to have any response to this?

Thanks,

Kelley

Kelly,

 I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother's gallbladder cancer.  My mother has just been diagnosed with T3 and she is going to specialist and having Chemo.  The Chemo is well managed and I don't know if it will help or not, it is too soon.  My mother is not curable, they are only try to keep it stable, so it's a matter of time too.  My mothere didn't want to know her diagnosis, so we didn't tell her.  My two brothers and I are the only ones that know.  My mothers spirits are good.  She will be 77 years all this April 22.  No one one have known she would have had cancer.  She is such a vibrant yound 76 alomost 77 year old lady. 

From what I understand, the cancer treatments can help with pain management as well. It's best for your mother to talk privately to the doctors to see what is best for her.  Are you taking her to a Cancer Center?  I'm just wondering.

Lynne