I am desperate

I am indeed desperate of these past 3 weeks. My mom (she is 48) was diagnosed stage IV cancer only 3 weeks ago, she had surgery 2 weeks ago, but it was not possible to remove stomach. They made bypass and she has been on recovery after surgery for 2 weeks now. Now we have been told there is no big deal to make chemo at all and they are about to send her home. I have been doing my best so far to help and support her with good words and positive words. But what to do now? How to get through this? I know I can not cry with her as it will not help her. I am not able to keep pretending everything is fine and I can not make me thinking it will all end good. I feel so desperate and powerless. I have also my father who is absolutely shocked about all this and even with support of my friends I am not sure if I am able to deal with this all.

 

On 4/6/2009 ciascuno wrote:

I am indeed desperate of these past 3 weeks. My mom (she is 48) was diagnosed stage IV cancer only 3 weeks ago, she had surgery 2 weeks ago, but it was not possible to remove stomach. They made bypass and she has been on recovery after surgery for 2 weeks now. Now we have been told there is no big deal to make chemo at all and they are about to send her home. I have been doing my best so far to help and support her with good words and positive words. But what to do now? How to get through this? I know I can not cry with her as it will not help her. I am not able to keep pretending everything is fine and I can not make me thinking it will all end good. I feel so desperate and powerless. I have also my father who is absolutely shocked about all this and even with support of my friends I am not sure if I am able to deal with this all.

Hi I 57 with advance prostrate cancer If you love them the way they love you I think you will cope Ive lost three family members the same way Can I ask you? All the treatment she had so far.  Has it been only chemo have you tried the Bidwig Diet here a report on it. as I said in another post Make good reading  take care Ray

http://www.cancertutor.com/Cancer/Budwig.html

 

Ciascuno,

Sorry you are in this spot. Now, time to get with it. You can do this and so can your Mom. I fully believe that one of the best things to already happen to your Mom is they didn't remove her stomach. It is so hard to recover any fighting weight without a stomach. Now that she is starting chemotherapy, one of my first recommendations would be that she get a port installed. It will make her treatments so much easier.

How so I know these things, you are asking. My partner of almost 25 years now has been fighting this terrible disease for over two years now, Stage IV, inoperable. Tomorrow will be his thirty-fourth chemo treatment and it has given him his life back. While we will be moving to his third line regimen tomorrow, the treatments already done have let him maintain two years of INCREDIBLE QUALITY OF LIFE. We were in the same spot as you are now two years ago. Really, it has been such a blessing. At first, we didn't even think he wanted to get started, now we are overjoyed at the quality of his health (no appreciable side effects at all). You know, at first we were looking at 6 to 8 months. It has been a very good two years.

I know you are in a terrible pickle, but pick yourself up, and know that you can and will help your Mom through this diagnosis. Her life is just changing a little bit (a lot really), and with some positive attitudes and life saving treatments, she can get back to feeling better. You CAN do this.

As questions come up, make sure Mom can tell her oncologist every little thing. They can adjust dosages to minimize any side effects. Any other questions that come up (and they will), depending on which drugs she is using, feel free to ask them here. There is a lot of experience and people that have gone down this road ahead of you. They are available to you as a resourse, use it.

In the meantime, be thinking a little about "The Bucket List", there might be some things on Mom's list that she needs to get done, just in case.

Thoughts and Prayers to you and your family........... Scott

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.  My brother lost his life to stomach cancer (began near the base of his esophagus) a few years back.  It was stage IV at diagnosis.  He chose to fight it and lived about a year.  Just try to make your mother as comfortable as possible.  We found that instead of begging my brother to eat or putting suppliments in his food we got our best results by placing things we thought he might be able to try on a table beside the couch where he spent most of his time.  We alternated things like milk, mellon, small slices of his favorite cheese, soups,  ice cream and pound cake.  When he felt like it he would take a bite or two.  Try to stay strong for your mom.  I know it is difficult for you but try to focus on her comfort and care.  Please note that she will throw up when she smells or tastes some foods.  If she suggests she try something that's the best thing to offer her.  You'll be pleased with yourself for being able to give her the best you've got.  Kind regards,

Atlanta   

On 4/6/2009 ciascuno wrote:

I am indeed desperate of these past 3 weeks. My mom (she is 48) was diagnosed stage IV cancer only 3 weeks ago, she had surgery 2 weeks ago, but it was not possible to remove stomach. They made bypass and she has been on recovery after surgery for 2 weeks now. Now we have been told there is no big deal to make chemo at all and they are about to send her home. I have been doing my best so far to help and support her with good words and positive words. But what to do now? How to get through this? I know I can not cry with her as it will not help her. I am not able to keep pretending everything is fine and I can not make me thinking it will all end good. I feel so desperate and powerless. I have also my father who is absolutely shocked about all this and even with support of my friends I am not sure if I am able to deal with this all.

 

 

On 4/6/2009 ciascuno wrote:

I am indeed desperate of these past 3 weeks. My mom (she is 48) was diagnosed stage IV cancer only 3 weeks ago, she had surgery 2 weeks ago, but it was not possible to remove stomach. They made bypass and she has been on recovery after surgery for 2 weeks now. Now we have been told there is no big deal to make chemo at all and they are about to send her home. I have been doing my best so far to help and support her with good words and positive words. But what to do now? How to get through this? I know I can not cry with her as it will not help her. I am not able to keep pretending everything is fine and I can not make me thinking it will all end good. I feel so desperate and powerless. I have also my father who is absolutely shocked about all this and even with support of my friends I am not sure if I am able to deal with this all.

Ciascuno:

You have already taken the first step by reaching out for support and answers.  As with many on this site, you will be assisting with the care and possibly the treatment decisions related to your moms care.  There are many success stories contained within these pages, take what time you can to review them as many contain useful information.  Watch just checking cancer sites as the odds are against us but are improving each day.

There are many chemo treatment options available to your mom.  We are lucky to have mulitiple choices when it comes to chemo drugs.  I wish you and your mom the very best during this difficult time.  

My spouse is 44 and was diagnosed with Stage IV stomach cancer in March of 07.  She is alive and well thanks to the chemotherapy and her positive attitude - at NO time did she let it get her down.  She remains on chemo therapy today with no real side effects.  The first few months were hard but after that you get used to it.  Your mom has youth on her side and I am hopeful her body will be able to tolerate what she is about to go through.  Remember always, the goal is to survive it and it is a battle. 

My blessings and never hesistate to contact anyone on this site with questions; being informed is important.

Steve aka momwithkids

 

p.s.

My wife also did not have surgery as the disease had already spread to her liver.  The surgery was suggested by oncologist number 1 but rejected by numbers 2 and 3.  NEVER hesitate to get another opinion AND NEVER hesitate to change oncologists as a positive attitude is important for all team members.

Steve - i am happy to read your reply to "I AM Desperate" and Happy to hear of your wife's (and family's) successful outcome! That is good news to me - I am stage 4 stomach cancer also, have been through 11 chemo treatments so far, one last one tomorrow. But i don't know if I can tolerate the last one - the Oxiliplatin was discontinued after 10 chemos. My neuropathy is bad and it has effected my balance and coordination etc. I have been feeling discouraged in that the doctors say that the tumors will not completely disappear with chemo alone. If my last scans show some cancerous activity, then what next? Jeanne

Steve,

I have been following your wife's story on the message board and she gives me so much hope, I can't espress how helpful your messages have been.  I always refer back to you guys when we get news on my husband's condition.  He too has stage 4 stomach cancer, and my question to you is, I know she opted no for the surgery because it had spread to the liver.  Would you decision have been the same if it had spread to a different organ?

My husband's cancer has spread to the intestine and the current oncologist (who isn't an expert in this area) says that surgery is not recommended because it's stage 4.  However, when we met with the main oncologist at Sloan Kettering in NYC, he told us that he would go through surgery.  Now I don't know if he is just saying that now because it's early in the process, (just 6 chemo treatments so far). But I was just wondering if you and your wife came to the decision of not going for the surgery solely because it had spread to the liver.

Maria

P.S. Keep posting

 

if thi is a mental isuue it will take time, an avrg patent needs one month to accept the fact they have cancer, Please buy a book called Ani Cancer the new way of life It helped us alot!!