Fear

I was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer August 2008 it spread throughout my abdomen, colon and ovary.  The doctor gave me one year to live. They performed a hysterectomy September 15, 2008, but could not remove other tumors that were enveloped by blood vessels.  My tumors ranged from 10 to 22 centimeters.  I had six chemo sessions - which worked, but my doctors told me the tumors would return.  My fear is what do I do with the rest of my life.  On March 19, 2009 the surgeon performed a laproscopy and flushed out any remaining tumor cells - there were none, bu the doctors will not tell me that I am in remission.  The depression, darkness and fear is overwhelming.  I need to go on with my life, but I don't know how.

My name is Stephani and I want to go on with life without fear, but do not know how.

 

Dear Stephani: I am sorry for your situation and do understand your fear and dilema.  I will post here and also send you a private answer.

It is perfectly normal to go thru this process does it make it easier..NO.

I am a cancer survivor of Multiple Myeloma, an incurable cancer and I should be dead, as I was given 3 weeks or so to get myself ready for death,  after being diagnosed in 2004.  Obviously I am still here.  I know how "fatal" Ovarian cancer can be and I do  applaud your doctors for telling you the truth, however it does not mean you are going to die and soon.  I was an Oncology nurse in the 80's and my specialty was gynecology oncology.  So now I have seen both sides.

First let us address your fear.  Read what you can about fear, death and dying. One thing is meditation. YOu put yourself in a quiet place with no distractions (you can have soft music if it helps no lyrics) and think about the happy times of your life.  See yourself celebrating you 75th birthday, (As I do not know how old you are these are suggestions you can use) See yourself being at your grandchidren's wedddings (if you have kids) or the grandchildren of your friends.  See yourself happy and vibrant.  Pray. Be thankful in prayer (does not have to have religion) but thankthe universe for the great things in your life. See you body as healthy and free of cancer and staying that way. You must do this daily. Read up on meditation and biofeedback.

Live a healthy life. If you do not take natural supplements look into Vit C, Vit B capsules, Cod liver oil capsule, Eat foods with Curry or cucumin in them, eat less sugar and sugar fruits.  Fresh vegies and salads and light protien., Limit your dairy.  these are just guidelines.  No sodas.  Forgive;  This is a very important step. Meditate on the angst and anger or suffering in your life and forgive those who may have hurt you and really mean it.  This is a wonderful freeing thing.

Live your life like you will live forever, do your daily routines, exercise, have fun, Laugh and play.  Hang out with your friends.

I know this sounds easy but I have been through it all and learned a lot. May you be well and God Bless...I will write a private note also.  Hugs MMS

On 4/12/2009 steph1946 wrote:

I was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer August 2008 it spread throughout my abdomen, colon and ovary.  The doctor gave me one year to live. They performed a hysterectomy September 15, 2008, but could not remove other tumors that were enveloped by blood vessels.  My tumors ranged from 10 to 22 centimeters.  I had six chemo sessions - which worked, but my doctors told me the tumors would return.  My fear is what do I do with the rest of my life.  On March 19, 2009 the surgeon performed a laproscopy and flushed out any remaining tumor cells - there were none, bu the doctors will not tell me that I am in remission.  The depression, darkness and fear is overwhelming.  I need to go on with my life, but I don't know how.

My name is Stephani and I want to go on with life without fear, but do not know how.

 

 

I understand the fear completely.  I have ovarian cancer stage 3 and have just finished chemo # 6 yesterday.  I'm to have a CT scan on May 12, and I hope to hear "remission" from the doctor.  However, knowing how ov. cancer behaves, I expect somewhere along the line for it to return.

 While your doctors will not say "remission" to you, your situation sounds hopeful to me.  You said they went in with a laprascope and didn't find anything. 

 I think people in our situation must take things day by day.  It is very hard for someone like me who has always been the type of person to project into the future very much.  I would give things up today to be sure I'd be safe for tomorrow, that sort of thinking.  I think we must learn to reverse that and live in the moment.

 I like the advice you received here from the other poster about forgiving and it being very freeing.  I have done this, and I can tell you that all the "little annoyances" that I had with others pre-cancer diagnosis, or grudges I've held onto, or the little wall I've build around myself to keep me "safe" from hurts, have all dissipated.  They are such a waste of time, so unimportant!  In that regard, I appreciate my cancer for having shown me the light.

I'm still a work in progress to learn to let go of the terror I feel and the constant worry, as nothing is a guarantee cancer will not come back and with it, take our lives.  I can't bear the thought of leaving my husband and children, and to not see the sun again.

That is why we must believe we can fight it.  My aunt has ovarian cancer and was told she has 6 months to a year to live.  She is almost to the year mark and is still here, without symptoms and without any further chemo treatment.  She is 82 years old.

So believe!  Believe you will  make it and have a long life.

MaryAnn

 

On 4/12/2009 steph1946 wrote:

I was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer August 2008 it spread throughout my abdomen, colon and ovary.  The doctor gave me one year to live. They performed a hysterectomy September 15, 2008, but could not remove other tumors that were enveloped by blood vessels.  My tumors ranged from 10 to 22 centimeters.  I had six chemo sessions - which worked, but my doctors told me the tumors would return.  My fear is what do I do with the rest of my life.  On March 19, 2009 the surgeon performed a laproscopy and flushed out any remaining tumor cells - there were none, bu the doctors will not tell me that I am in remission.  The depression, darkness and fear is overwhelming.  I need to go on with my life, but I don't know how.

My name is Stephani and I want to go on with life without fear, but do not know how.

 

Dear Stephani,

I am really impressed.  Someone is watching out for you, I know.  You need to put the fear aside and fight all the time to get the best out of it.  A little fear is not too bad because it makes you aware and knowledgable and prepared for a lot of things in life.  We are all in the same boat.  Look at it this way you are under very close observation and God willing you will have a long life because of it.  There are so many people that lose their life because no one discovered their disease on time.   Maybe we will live with drugs for the rest of our lives, but we will enjoy every minute of it because we will not take it for granted.  We re lucky that there quite a few drugs out there for us.

I pray for you and all my buddies, we will keep our chins up and give it our best shot.

 

 

Dear Sheina:  I really appreciate your feedback.  It's taken me since last August until my first posted message to Cancer Compass website to even tell any person about my fears.  I was always taught that you hold in your anger, angst, depression, etc. and when I tried to talk to my friends and my husband, they would immediately change the subject.  I could not understand this, until I understood that people had their own fears about dying and reminding them by me talking about my fear only made them uncomfortable.  I grateful to you and other members of this group who have allowed me to share my feelings.

God bless you.  Stephani

 

 

On 4/12/2009 steph1946 wrote:

I was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer August 2008 it spread throughout my abdomen, colon and ovary.  The doctor gave me one year to live. They performed a hysterectomy September 15, 2008, but could not remove other tumors that were enveloped by blood vessels.  My tumors ranged from 10 to 22 centimeters.  I had six chemo sessions - which worked, but my doctors told me the tumors would return.  My fear is what do I do with the rest of my life.  On March 19, 2009 the surgeon performed a laproscopy and flushed out any remaining tumor cells - there were none, bu the doctors will not tell me that I am in remission.  The depression, darkness and fear is overwhelming.  I need to go on with my life, but I don't know how.

My name is Stephani and I want to go on with life without fear, but do not know how.

 

Dear Stephani,

I am really impressed.  Someone is watching out for you, I know.  You need to put the fear aside and fight all the time to get the best out of it.  A little fear is not too bad because it makes you aware and knowledgable and prepared for a lot of things in life.  We are all in the same boat.  Look at it this way you are under very close observation and God willing you will have a long life because of it.  There are so many people that lose their life because no one discovered their disease on time.   Maybe we will live with drugs for the rest of our lives, but we will enjoy every minute of it because we will not take it for granted.  We re lucky that there quite a few drugs out there for us.

I pray for you and all my buddies, we will keep our chins up and give it our best shot.

 

 

 

Dear Stephanie,  Hi I know how you feel as I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in June of 07 and had a hysterectomy in Oct. 07 now in April09  I have three tumors and my doctor wants to start chemo on thursday.  I really don't want to but it might be the best for me.  I hop things go well for you.  

Ann

Hi Stephenie, I 'm in the same boat. I will not let this cancer win. I'm going to fight. I'm a stage 3c and have been on chemo non stop since April 08. Hang in there we are all Teal Warriors. Never give in to this cancer. My whole outlook on life has changed and I feel better. Good Luck. Come here as often as you want. That's what this board is for support and love.

Hugs, Terry

I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in Mar 09 and after 2 chemos now waiting for operation to remove tumour, ovaries etc in May. The trouble is I am in nearly 3 years in remission for breast cancer so being diagnosed with a different (but obviously related by genetics) cancer has been not so much fear as "what the.." or even d'oh. I have daughters aged 12 and 15 so I don't dare think of the 60%+ who don't make it to 5 years. I want to see my grandchildren. No one knows how much damage I have, until after the op. How many get breast and ovarian cancer before they've turned 46 years old? Yeh, I'm scared.