The Loss Of A Father. . .

Hi,

I am 21 years old and just six days ago I lost my Dad who was 56 years old to tongue cancer. He had been battling for 8 months and had no luck with radiation, he ruled out surgery because they would have to remove his entire tongue and voice box, and was undergoing a new round of chemo that has been successful before, when he died suddenly after what we thought was overmedication(but supposedly progression of the disease) and breathing difficulties. I have a lot of questions about this type of cancer and am very upset about losing my Father and need some more closure in this. Doctors proceeded to tell my mother that with this type of cancer, it can progress very quickly and you can lose someone in an instant. Unfortunately, I was going to school in Arizona and was not by my Dad's side when we lost him. I feel like there is so much unfinished business and I want more answers. My Dad will not make it to my graduation or to my wedding, nor meet anyone that I ever date or meet my future kids or give me a big hug ever again and that is hard to live with. I will never hear him laugh again or see him smile besides in my heart. If anyone out there can help me cope with this, I would appreciate it very much. If there is any information about this type of cancer that you have that would be a huge help too. Thank you so much for your time, Ashley

Dear Ashley,
I am so sorry for the loss of your father. My Mom died this past January and my Dad is currently undergoing radiation for cancer of the base of the tongue and tonsil. I can tell you this, it will get better as the days go by, however, losing a parent is like losing part of yourself, your foundation so to speak. I read a really good book that helped me alot after my Mom's death, it just gave me some peace and perhaps comfort in knowing that she was ok. The book was written by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross and the title is Life after Death. Dr. Ross wrote the text that all nurses read in school entitled Death and Dying. She did extensive research into a pretty much taboo subject for the medical community. As far as your questions surrounding your father's unexpected death, the executor of your dad's will can get a copy of his medical record from the hospital and doctor. Those records should answer your questions regarding his death. If you want to talk, just let me know. Susan

 

On 11/25/2005 Natrlovr wrote:

Hi, I am 21 years old and just six days ago I lost my Dad who was 56 years old to tongue cancer. He had been battling for 8 months and had no luck with radiation, he ruled out surgery because they would have to remove his entire tongue and voice box, and was undergoing a new round of chemo that has been successful before, when he died suddenly after what we thought was overmedication(but supposedly progression of the disease) and breathing difficulties. I have a lot of questions about this type of cancer and am very upset about losing my Father and need some more closure in this. Doctors proceeded to tell my mother that with this type of cancer, it can progress very quickly and you can lose someone in an instant. Unfortunately, I was going to school in Arizona and was not by my Dad's side when we lost him. I feel like there is so much unfinished business and I want more answers. My Dad will not make it to my graduation or to my wedding, nor meet anyone that I ever date or meet my future kids or give me a big hug ever again and that is hard to live with. I will never hear him laugh again or see him smile besides in my heart. If anyone out there can help me cope with this, I would appreciate it very much. If there is any information about this type of cancer that you have that would be a huge help too. Thank you so much for your time, Ashley

 

Ashley, my heart goes out to you, and I will pray for the peace you are seeking.  I was 50 when my mom died twelve years ago, and that was hard enough.  She was only 70, and she died shortly before our daughter's wedding.  My father, now 87, has just been diagnosed with base of tongue cancer and is about to begin radiation.  At this point I have many questions, but it is about what the future holds.  He is a very uncooperative, stubborn, and often unpleasant person, and he lives on his own terms, not always making good choices for his health.  So I am definitely worried.  For now, please know that I ache for you, and if you want to correspond I will be glad to.  Maggie