Daddy lost battle with lung cancer 4/30/2009

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Daddy lost battle with lung cancer 4/30/2009

by Daddys_ShoeGirl on Thu May 14, 2009 12:00 AM

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As stated above, I lost my dad, (age 58) to lung cancer. I will not point the finger at him for being a smoker, but I was informed that even if he had not been one, he would have probably contract lung cancer anyway. My dad grew up in the farming fields of Louisiana; his first job was to flag the planes to spray the crops at age 5. He even graduated from college with a degree in Agriculture Studies. He later went into the oilfield business as a mud engineer. While working with chemicals that have been banned since the days of his youth, as well as many oilfield chems being more eco-friendly; ingestion via breathing these cancer causing agents had its effect.

My dad had a plueradesia (misspelled?) on 4/25/2009; he was restrained and kept immoble so that the surgery would "take", he was able to have his meds turned down when the family went to visit, but increased at times he needed rest. He had been intibated the night before, due to a panic attack, so eye movement and hand gestures were all that were available to us. I watched a man, who was nearly 6 feet tall and over 200 pounds, because a wrinkled "old man" before my eyes. He lost nearly 125 pounds; he was diagnosed in Jan. 2009.

My family (my Momma, sister, and I) are void without him in our lives. It doesn't seem real; it has caused the days to roll one into the next. I did not realize until it had been brought to my attention that I had been in my p-jays for 4 days. I have not been able to cry what ever one else around me calls "the good cry". My family doc and my shrink said it was, "Swallowing my emotions causing my body to have pain all over, rather than enduring the emotional pain." Pain killers help; they do not REALLY take away the pain, they mask it. I am an ordained minister which I have relied on my faith; if Dad took the walk of faith I believe and know he did, he is with the Almighty One. That gives me peace, but does cure the pain. My Momma and sister are living on the "Valium Cocktail" floating day to day.

My sister told me (and this sounds crazy) that Dad visits her regularly. She first saw him on her little boy's toy box; later in the hallway of her house inspecting her girls' bedrooms as he always did. She has seen him walking on the property as well as smelling his presence at her home and my Mom's. My sister and my Momma are living on a large piece of family property; Dad died in the hospital but he wanted to be at home. Momma said she could not handle that. She had been in the healthcare field for years and she had taken all she could; Dad got sick, hence, bringing her back to where she wanted left behind.

I'm just curious, anyone else experience these "sightings or smellings" of their lost loved ones? I know I'm not crazy..but it's like, DUH?! Anyone? Advice?

 

RE: Daddy lost battle with lung cancer 4/30/2009

by Daughters_Love on Wed Jun 03, 2009 12:00 AM

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Lost my Daddy on 4/11/09, 57 years old to head and neck cancer that started in the tonsils two years ago. Your feelings are what I'm feeling. I don't want to get out of bed, say no to every invitation that girlfriends ask me to, it's easier to hide in the house and be in the "dark place" I call it then deal with life. But, that is not what our Dad's want for us and our families. I tell myself that everyday and some days I listen and some days I just sit and cry or do nothing. I question my feelings everyday, cause I know he is in heaven and I know I'll see him one day but I sometimes just wish he would appear in the home so I could see or feel him in some way but it hasn't happened nor for my mom or brother. I mean really can that really happen, doesn't say that in the bible. Says, we will see our loved ones in heaven when it;s our time. I don;t know the right answer, I'm still in the "dark place" in  all of this.

Just know you are not alone and our Daddy's are at the hand of God and at peace from this horrible cancer.Take care

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