Thanks for your kind note, Russ.
Mark had an abdominal CT scan last Wednesday which, when compared to the one he had 5 weeks ago, at the time of the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, showed "much more metastasis to the liver". This information, in addition to the fact that Mark is truly miserable, agitated, confused, etc., has brought us (the doctors and me) to the point of deciding to discontinue dialysis and to allow Mark to drift comfortably into unconsciousness. It was a terribly difficult decision for me. I so very much wanted to have more time with him but I knew it wouldn't be fair to him to make him go through all this only to meet with certain, perhaps painful, death in the very near future.
When we got the pancreatic cancer diagnosis, I made three promises to Mark: 1) that I would never leave him, 2) that I would always be so very glad that we met 4 1/2 years ago, and 3) that I wouldn't let anyone hurt him. Up until today, I had kept the first two promises. Now I feel that I have kept all three.
I almost can't bear to think of what my life will be like without my beloved Mark. He has left his unique "footprints" all over my heart, soul, and mind. He taught me about music, real estate, and investments. Perhaps more importantly, he taught me about courage, dignity, and generosity. We loved each other unabashedly and without reservation. I miss him so very much already.
With love and countless tears,
Lynn
My beloved husband died on Dec. 24th, 2005. He fell about on Dec. 1, broke the head of his femur, and underwent hip replacement surgery. He never had a chance to get started on Gemzar.