Anger

People always say that with time, the pain goes away. My father was taken away from me almost two years--it will be two years on June 29--and the pain is still there. After the grief and shock in the first year, the pain turns to anger in the second. Anger at the world, anger that the doctors couldn't do anything for him, Angry at my dad for being so stubborn and refusing to see a doctor until it was too late. He always said that he thought he was a strong man and that God wouldn't let him get sick.
Well...after he died, I stopped believing in God. I don't believe that a righteous God would take so many good people from the world and leave their family to suffer while our prisons and streets are filled with murderers and rapists. I don't believe that only the good die young, so they can be with God because that is a ridiculous statement and I am sick of people telling me that. Why do people always turn to religion so try to help people through the loss of a loved one?
My father was a church going man...he believed in God and doing good in this world and that didn't spare him from Cancer. God didn't answer his prayers when my father was at the hospital begging for his life...where is this God that everyone seems to believe will save us? All I see is more people getting cancer and dying...if HE is so almighty...then why does cancer exist? to teach us a lesson? to test our humanity? to suffer because we are little people and HE is the Almighty. I can't believe in this GOD that people choose to believe in to make themselves feel better and to feel like they are not alone in this world. People want to believe that one day they will get to see their loved ones in Heaven...Sure! Somehow, I really don't think that is the case. Yes...I am angry. There are no words that can convince me that religion has any place in my life after my father died. In fact, I am more convinced that there are no higher beings watching over us...we (people) live life and die based solely on the good and bad decisions that we make in our life.

So, here is the truth about life after cancer has taken your father or loved one...it sucks. It is about time that people speak exactly how they feel...it has been two years for me and it still makes me angry...Oh I have tried to accept people's kind words...I have tried to forgive God...but after two years...I don't believe in faith anymore...

When my father was alive...at least I believed in God...now I don't believe in anything.

Cancer has killed me inside. i can't be a normal person anymore. I used to be fun and spontaneous. I can't even stomach a beer without feeling guilty that I am hurting my liver. My father had bile duct cancer...close to the liver. I am so afraid of death that I can't live a normal life. I am so afraid that someone I love will be taken from me because THIS GOD thinks he/she is too good for this world...must take them to Heaven.

I am sick of hearing people tell me that I will see my father again one day. That doesn't make me feel better. I am sick of people telling me that he is in a better place. So, being with his family is NOT a better place? God's Heaven is better than spending time with his family in this world? Is our world so terrible? If it is then why the hell are we still here on earth...is earth Hell?

Anger: I have tried to be nice and to follow the norm, but it is time to stop the bull and tell it how it is....Cancer killed my father and I will never forgive GOD for taking him away from our family. The pain will not go away. You will always think of how you could have saved him/her. You will always blame yourself...you will always think to yourself...what if I took him to the hospital earlier...what if they found it sooner...it has been two years and I still try to block those thoughts out, but you can't. It will creep into your mind when you are trying to fall asleep at night. You will experience Anger like I am. You might not agree with me now, but in time you will. Cancer tears families apart. Cancer changes your entire life. Cancer makes you realize that you are in this world on your own.

I hope this message finds someone.

Understand that I don't want to make people depressed, I just want people to know the truth. When kids first find out that Santa doesn't exist...they are sad and angry. But then there is acceptance.

I want people to know that the pain and loss you feel won't go away. It will change the way you live your life whether you want to admit it or not. I have learned to accept the fact that I will never be who I was before cancer took my father.

Hi,

My name is Janice and I am a two year cancer survivor diagnosed at age 48.  I use to think life was great, God was fair and what goes around, comes around.  This cancer diagnosis has changed all that.  I am very angry at the world, God and people who don't have cancer and tell me, "don't worry, you will be fine."  That is a very dismissive statement to someone who is a cancer survivor. I do not go to church any longer and I can't figure out God's plan and I do question ALOT!!!! 

 They told me write a journal and you will feel better.  While my journal has one word---WHY???????????????

I have a special needs child and can't even die in peace leaving him here. I am still very angry but slowly recovering from all this.  Time does help but I can't waste time being angry, LIFE CAN BE SHORT!!!!

Janice

 

I don't think cancer has anything to with your anger, your Father is gone that is your anger what ever  takes the one we love away we will be uspset with,   Death is a fact of life, just like living.  I don't believe your father would want you to react like this out of respect to him live the life he wanted you to the day you were born,  Not this way this too sad,  Don't believe in anything, but believe in respecting your father by found thoughts and being bless you were his child.   You think all these other people don't have the same thought's as you on this site? their not frighten, sad and worried?   Your no different then all of us.  But what is left in life if we don't show compassion friendship amongest all?  Trust me if anyone wants to pray for me please! feel free too,I need all the help I can get. I am dancing as fast as I can to keep my love one here.   But I know in the end I will lose.  But I know I loved him enough that when it happens I will respect him and my family by doing what he would want..I tell my children life keeps going on, I ;am close to my Daughter and she has children and I tell all the time when I am gone the pain will ease with the transfer of your love for me to the kids.  You will tell stories and laugh and cry but I want you live your life well and enjoy it to  the fullest.   Life is so short as well as you know , and when we came into this life it was gift and in my fanily we are all big on gifts. So take your gift of life and live it.

 

i agree. i have cancer and when i was in the hospital begging GOD to take the pain and violent vomiting away so i can just let a piece of ice melt on my tounge... it didn't happen..  i though " what could i have done to deserve this??? i am good ' ..... as a person who has cancer it takes energy to blink !!!!!! and you dont have any  energy to... waste or  spare ... all i could do is sitt and listen to the world outside... my life..  a hospital  room.. pass me by...., knowing my son was  learning to have to do his own laundry and cook for himself( not a bad thing but) ..... anger is a waste of energy..... ppl would ask how i can go on like nothing was happen?? well we all are going to pass sometime and we  belive in different things of what will happen then it does but i belive there is a GOD  and if we didn't have bad things happen we wouldn't have compassion!! do  you know how it feels to know.. you are bald and sick but  you just want to get in a pool and cool off like others in the middle of summer and a mother gets her 5 children out of the pool and leaves giving you a funny look  cause you get in? or ppl call you   sir... cause your boobs were lost with all the weigh???? hum?? do you have compassion???... and just take care of bussiness or make a seen and embarass both of you??? dont waist your  beautiful life where... someone thinks about you everyday ..someone... somewhere... and how they will think back on you and your life...( when you go where ever it is you belive you will go)  and tell storys of how you were eaten up with anger.. it will eat you.. your father taught you different  things about life... live like he were still here...  i like that you have respect for GOD .. how do i know? you captialized GOD or HIM when talking of HIM ... u still belive... even a little..

I feel  so bad for you and how hurt you must be. I was to, when I lost my mother. Over time I've come to realize that God is not to blame for what we've done in this world that helps to cause these cancers. If you believe there is a God you have to believe there is a  devil and he's right there causing grief and heartbreak and putting doubt in your heart so that you don't have the love for God to get you through. God didn't take my mother. Years of smoking did. But he was there beside me when they found my son dead. ONly our faith got us through. God doesn't give us these things as trials . He doesn't do any of it and I wish the preachers would just shut up. BUT He's there to stand beside you when you need his love. i've got25 stents in my heart and I've had the near death thing and please believe me. He's real. Blame the right being for the bad in this world. The Bible teaches that the devil will have freedom until Jesus comes back, that's what we have here.  Our  loved ones aren't suffering and my mother loved the lord when she died. I won't shame her memory by acting that way. God bless you.