Should I Tell Her The Diagnosis?

Mom has been diagnosed for a few days, I can hardly believe it's true, just two months ago, we talked happily about the coming summer vacation over the phone, but now...Dad told me mom hadn't known the diagnosis, and I two days later, will go to the hospital to see her, what should I do? Which is better for my mom, knowing it or not?

Not sure how old your mom is or what her present state of mind is, but I think you should tell her. That way she will be able to deal with it, have the opportunity to say goodbye to everyone. I would want to know, that way I can make the best of my time left here with family and friends. That will allow you and her husband help her prepare for the end.

Wendy

Hello,
I think your mother should be told of her diagnosis. If treatment is an option, such as chemotherapy or radiation etc. then she should be told as soon as possible. I would advise that she be told by her doctor, if possible with family members present. It isn't easy to learn that you have cancer, but with love and support she should be told. My surgeon waited a few days before telling me, because I was recovering from a colon resection. My husband and sons knew my diagnosis for a couple of days before I found out. I was really angry at the doctor because they had to put up a brave front for me. If it were you would you want to know? I know this won't be easy for anyone, and I want to wish you the best. Please post again or drop me an e-mail if you'd like.

Take Care,
Julie C.

Thank you, Julie. Thank you for your advice. In fact, I connected with my dad today, he told me maybe my mom has known the diagnosis, for been in hospital for so many days, she must be know the answer. I'm from China, I searched on the Internet in order to find a best cancer treatment center, and I hope to find somewhere my mom can receive a better treatment and maybe can be cured. But my dad told me it was too late that her condition had been worse since last November, he told me try to make mom happy, and encourage her to be brave, and we should never surrender in face of life. A miracle may occur if we aren't afraid. Sometimes I hope it's only a dream, and when I open my eyes, all is well. But it's not. I hope all the people who bear a cancer can have a dream come true. Wish you all the best. Dad told me we will go back home after a few days; I hope I can give the most happiest day to my mom.

Dear Wei,
Just wondering how your mother is feeling. You sound like such a great family. My husband is also going through the same. It helps to communicate with others that are going through the same problems.
Wishing your mom the best.
Anna

Dear Wei,
I am so happy that your Mom knows of her diagnosis. It is hard, but she has every right to make decisions about her care for herself. It definitely helps to talk about your cancer to anyone who will listen. We are not always looking for answers, we just need someone to listen and be there. You can do that for her no matter what she decides. Have you looked into the Cancer Center of America? I understand they are the best. I was fortunate to have had successful treatment for anal cancer first and then lung cancer that had spread from the anal. Treatment was awful, but I am here to talk about it today because I went through it. I had a lung resection in Feb and it went very well. I cannot expect a cure for me, but I am expecting several long remissions. The one thing above all to remember is this:
Don't give up! There isn't a cancer out there that someone hasn't already beaten. I wish the best for your Mom and your family.
Carolyn

I read your message and my prayers are with you. Our family is suffering from the same pain. Our mother has been diagnosed and we do not want to tell her. She is 82 and we sense that she would be so frightened of the future that her last days would not be happy.
When we have to make decisions that effect someone else the process is very difficult.

We are told that death is part of nature and we must accept it with grace. Why is this so painful.

Keep trying to make her happy and remind her that you love her. She will be a very happy lady if she knows this.

Please know that you have done the right thing just by being there.