I'm Very Scared - How Do You Cope When You Have A Small Child?

I'm 34 yrs old, with a 2 yr old daughter. I've always had a lot of atypical moles, and one in between my toes has been the oddest. I've had my moles checked every year. Yesterday, I saw someone new, and when she saw the mole between my toes, she said I should have it removed. She has not tossed up any other red flags, but when I looked on the internet I could see what she sees: a assymetrical brown mole with a black spot on one end and some red/brown pigmentation outside of the mole. She did not say melanoma, but I know that is what she is looking for. I can't eat or sleep or hardly concentrate because I know melanoma is one of the deadliest cancers. She said I could wait up to a month to have it removed, but now I want to do it ASAP. I am not sure how long it has looked this way, apparently I have not looked closely enough (with it between my toes it's hard to get down there and see closely).

I guess my question is - if you have an unfavorable diagnosis and a young child, how do you deal with it? How do you get past it enough on a day to day basis to function? Do you get past the initial shock and grief and find a way? I am so heartened by the people who have found peace and cherish ervery day, I just don't know how I will be able to do that.

Please any advice would help me. I know I haven't even had the biopsy yet, but I am beside myself. Thanks to anyone who can offer some advice.

You do not have an unfavorable diagnosis so why would you worry. Most moles and skin growths are nothing. You are doing the right thing by getting them checked yearly.
Try and relax and not worry until you have something to worry about.

Hi, Jamey. You are very smart to have the biopsy right away. There are several types of moles that are brown and ugly, but it is best to be sure. I was diagnosed 4 1/2 years ago with stage III melanoma on the bottom of my foot. With some great doctors, the grace of God, a lot of tests, and a variety of powerful treatments I'm very hopeful that it is gone. Hopefully you will get good news regarding your biopsy; but if not, you will find the strength to get through it. You are tougher than you think and so is your child. Do you have a support system?

Jamey:
your message tugged at my heart because I was diagnosed with GBM (4) and operated on in November 2005. I am 36 and was diagnosed 3 weeks after my daughter who is 4 months now was born. Currently in, therapy thusI have great difficulty taking care of her . I do have a wonderful husband, friends and family that help. But there is never a day that goes by that that I do not look at her and think this is why I have to go on. It is hard! I can only imagine your daughter being older. Like you said diagnosis is difficult to process. Best wishes to you.

Mony

I understand your urgency re: your biopsy and the fear of potential melanoma. I agree the sooner the better, because you can't always tell. I am an oncology nurse who has always had atypical moles. I was diagnosed with dysplastic nevi at age 20. I have had 20+ biopsies in my lifetime. All have been negative until a few months ago at age 40 when I was diagnoses with melanoma. So I say keep a healthy amount of fear, which will make you aware and persistent in getting good medical care. As for coping, I have 3 children I love them every day. Please repost when you get your results, especially if its benign; good news is always a blessing.

I just turned 25 and am a single mom to a 4 year old, I was also just diagnosed with stage 4 carcinoid tumors. Primary is probably ovaries and has metasized to my stomache and liver (too many to even count) This type of tumor is chemo resistant and my dr wont even try until I gain a little weight (I was 85lbs) I take 3 shots of sandostatin every day for treatment and so far it has helped with the syndrome. My daughter knows mommy has cancer and that im very sick but getting a little better everyday. I'm lucky to have a wonderful family and friends. My support group is truly amazing. When I found out I was sick I left living in nyc (where ive lived my entire life) and moved to PA with my mom so she could take of me. I have very bad edema, exhaustion, weakness and in terrible pains despite my medications but my family doesnt let my daughter see that side. I spend time with her by watching movies in bed or playing barbies. My little sister reads us books when my mouth is too dry and my eyes too blurry :-)I refuse to lay down and die and you have to also! Life is truly beautiful. Sometimes I get very depressed but I only allow myself a few minutes for that and then it's back to the reality that Im very very very lucky to be alive.
You can email me anytime for support.

I am 23 and have a little girl who will be 3 next Saturday, and a son who is 1. I am having an excisional biopsy next Wednesday and am terrified. I'm scared of the biopsy itself because my birthmark in question is about an inch or more big and is in a sensitive spot on my thigh close to the groin. It didn't really sink in until the 3rd day after going to the doctor about it. I bawled, I scwalled, I wrote my husband and kids individual goodbye letters and hid them so that if it was a terminal diagnosis they would know that I loved them, and have little messages directly from mommy on their graduation day, wedding day, when they had children and when they needed info on why mommy wasn't there....yeah I FREAKED OUT and went over the top with my drama..but it made me realize how scared I really am. My husband is scared too, so he's right there with me. But after the initial crazy reactions mellowed out, I realized the best way for me and possibly you too, to calm down is to be informed. I have been on the internet researching melanoma day and night so I will understand any medical lingo they say about me. I wanted to know what it would mean if I have stage 4 and what it would mean if it had metastasized;etc. Knowledge is power for me right now, because the more I talk about it, and research and ask questions, the better I feel in a way. I still am saddened when I think of the possibility I could have a terminal disease...but I'm hopeful that no matter what it is, this experience alone has made me realize how precious life is. And it kindof feels like my senses have been heightened. Everytime my daughter or son want to play, instead of my previous response of "hang on honey, mommy's busy right now, we'll play later".. I realize there may not be a later for what ever reason. We could die in a car accident today, or they could dash out in front of a car. Anyone's tragedy could be today, but if you treasure every moment you have with that precious little girl you have, she'll always know how much she mean't to you. I think it's best to not be upset around her because kids can sense when you're worried. Don't freak out like I did until you get the results of your biopsy. Good luck and God bless you and your daughter. Remember early detection is the best prevention of melanoma becoming a problem. Sorry for rambling, but I wanted to emphasize how related our stories are, let me know how your biopsy goes! -Jenn
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