Coping with my mother's death

My mother went to the doctor on May 6, 2009 because someone at work told her she was very yellow because of jaundice.  So my mother whom never goes to the doctor unless she absolutely had to went ahead and went.  She said she was thinking about going anyway because she was always tired and not feeling good.  Mom always exercised and tried to maintain her diet by eating right.  Well, the day she went to the doctor, he was worried about her and wanted to get her liver and kidneys looked at with a catscan.  The next day she went for the catscan that morning and they called her that afternoon, mom went to talk to a general surgeon and they wanted to do a endoscopic on her because they could not figure out the blockage she had between her liver and kidney.  Well, she went for that the next monday.  Had jaundice and some abdominal pain all weekend.  They did the endoscopic on Monday morning and sent her home and she ended up hurting bad that evening and went back to the ER.  They admitted her, because she had an inflammed pancreaitus.  They tried to relieve the bile that was building up to help her, but that did not work very well.  Her blood pressure became very low and heartrate too fast on Tuesday night and that put her into ICU.  The doctors did a little procedure on her and put a catheter on her side to relieve more of the bile.  But that did not really help.  This whole time they did not know what was the matter with my mom because they could not find what was causing the blockage with the endoscopic test either.  It was getting frustrating for the family to not know what was happening to her.  While she was in ICU her kidneys started failing and she started getting infected.  Wednesday night, the doctors told us that things are not looking good for her.  I did not leave Wednesday night, then at 5:00 am the next morning we get a call to talk to the doctors.  They discovered her lungs were filling up with fluid and that she was having multi-organ failure. Finally, her tumor count test for cancer came back and she had cancer.  They were just not sure of which one, they think it was pancreatic cancer,bile duct cancer or gallbladder cancer,  They figure it was the pancreatic cancer.  On Thursday, May 14, 2009, my mother passed away due to all the infection and the cancer getting worse. My mother's birthday is April 14 and she died May 14 at 60 years old.   It was all a very fast process, I am still having trouble believing that my mother (my best friend) is gone.  We would talk to each other daily and get together on weekends too.  Her husband is also having a difficult time with this to!  We all miss her very much!

 

On 6/9/2009 Shawna203 wrote:

My mother went to the doctor on May 6, 2009 because someone at work told her she was very yellow because of jaundice.  So my mother whom never goes to the doctor unless she absolutely had to went ahead and went.  She said she was thinking about going anyway because she was always tired and not feeling good.  Mom always exercised and tried to maintain her diet by eating right.  Well, the day she went to the doctor, he was worried about her and wanted to get her liver and kidneys looked at with a catscan.  The next day she went for the catscan that morning and they called her that afternoon, mom went to talk to a general surgeon and they wanted to do a endoscopic on her because they could not figure out the blockage she had between her liver and kidney.  Well, she went for that the next monday.  Had jaundice and some abdominal pain all weekend.  They did the endoscopic on Monday morning and sent her home and she ended up hurting bad that evening and went back to the ER.  They admitted her, because she had an inflammed pancreaitus.  They tried to relieve the bile that was building up to help her, but that did not work very well.  Her blood pressure became very low and heartrate too fast on Tuesday night and that put her into ICU.  The doctors did a little procedure on her and put a catheter on her side to relieve more of the bile.  But that did not really help.  This whole time they did not know what was the matter with my mom because they could not find what was causing the blockage with the endoscopic test either.  It was getting frustrating for the family to not know what was happening to her.  While she was in ICU her kidneys started failing and she started getting infected.  Wednesday night, the doctors told us that things are not looking good for her.  I did not leave Wednesday night, then at 5:00 am the next morning we get a call to talk to the doctors.  They discovered her lungs were filling up with fluid and that she was having multi-organ failure. Finally, her tumor count test for cancer came back and she had cancer.  They were just not sure of which one, they think it was pancreatic cancer,bile duct cancer or gallbladder cancer,  They figure it was the pancreatic cancer.  On Thursday, May 14, 2009, my mother passed away due to all the infection and the cancer getting worse. My mother's birthday is April 14 and she died May 14 at 60 years old.   It was all a very fast process, I am still having trouble believing that my mother (my best friend) is gone.  We would talk to each other daily and get together on weekends too.  Her husband is also having a difficult time with this to!  We all miss her very much!

Shawna, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you as I know how you must be feeling so lost and heartbroken at this moment. I too have gone through this loss myself, and my mother's symptoms progressed in pretty much the same manner and timeframe.

Pancreatic cancer is an extremely aggressive cancer, particularly in the late stages. It sounds like this was the likely cause of your Mom's condition as the buildup of fluid (ascites) and kidney failure are typical symptoms of advanced cancer. It's unfortunate that the doctors could not come to a conclusion about your Mom's condition sooner, but sometimes this happens and on account of trying to determine the origin of cancer and how to proceed when it has spread. The process of endoscopy can further cause complications sometimes but is necessary to determine the state of different organs such as the bile ducts and pancreas, colon.

Please take comfort in knowing that your Mom is no longer suffering but in a place of peace. Small consolation right now I know. It will be a shock for awhile and hard to make sense of but keep in mind that your Mom is still around you all, watching and listening as you move through this time. I still think about and miss my own mother every day, who passed away earlier this year from PC. We were very close and saw each other regularly as we lived but 5 minutes from each other. Knowing that I could no longer pick up the phone and hear her voice was hard to accept, but, I have felt her presence since and she has given me signs that she is still with me, as you will find your Mom is still with you. There is light at the end of this tunnel I am finding but it takes time. I wish you much peace and strength. God bless you all.

 

On 6/10/2009 BCinOntario wrote:

 

On 6/9/2009 Shawna203 wrote:

My mother went to the doctor on May 6, 2009 because someone at work told her she was very yellow because of jaundice.  So my mother whom never goes to the doctor unless she absolutely had to went ahead and went.  She said she was thinking about going anyway because she was always tired and not feeling good.  Mom always exercised and tried to maintain her diet by eating right.  Well, the day she went to the doctor, he was worried about her and wanted to get her liver and kidneys looked at with a catscan.  The next day she went for the catscan that morning and they called her that afternoon, mom went to talk to a general surgeon and they wanted to do a endoscopic on her because they could not figure out the blockage she had between her liver and kidney.  Well, she went for that the next monday.  Had jaundice and some abdominal pain all weekend.  They did the endoscopic on Monday morning and sent her home and she ended up hurting bad that evening and went back to the ER.  They admitted her, because she had an inflammed pancreaitus.  They tried to relieve the bile that was building up to help her, but that did not work very well.  Her blood pressure became very low and heartrate too fast on Tuesday night and that put her into ICU.  The doctors did a little procedure on her and put a catheter on her side to relieve more of the bile.  But that did not really help.  This whole time they did not know what was the matter with my mom because they could not find what was causing the blockage with the endoscopic test either.  It was getting frustrating for the family to not know what was happening to her.  While she was in ICU her kidneys started failing and she started getting infected.  Wednesday night, the doctors told us that things are not looking good for her.  I did not leave Wednesday night, then at 5:00 am the next morning we get a call to talk to the doctors.  They discovered her lungs were filling up with fluid and that she was having multi-organ failure. Finally, her tumor count test for cancer came back and she had cancer.  They were just not sure of which one, they think it was pancreatic cancer,bile duct cancer or gallbladder cancer,  They figure it was the pancreatic cancer.  On Thursday, May 14, 2009, my mother passed away due to all the infection and the cancer getting worse. My mother's birthday is April 14 and she died May 14 at 60 years old.   It was all a very fast process, I am still having trouble believing that my mother (my best friend) is gone.  We would talk to each other daily and get together on weekends too.  Her husband is also having a difficult time with this to!  We all miss her very much!

Shawna, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you as I know how you must be feeling so lost and heartbroken at this moment. I too have gone through this loss myself, and my mother's symptoms progressed in pretty much the same manner and timeframe.

Pancreatic cancer is an extremely aggressive cancer, particularly in the late stages. It sounds like this was the likely cause of your Mom's condition as the buildup of fluid (ascites) and kidney failure are typical symptoms of advanced cancer. It's unfortunate that the doctors could not come to a conclusion about your Mom's condition sooner, but sometimes this happens and on account of trying to determine the origin of cancer and how to proceed when it has spread. The process of endoscopy can further cause complications sometimes but is necessary to determine the state of different organs such as the bile ducts and pancreas, colon.

Please take comfort in knowing that your Mom is no longer suffering but in a place of peace. Small consolation right now I know. It will be a shock for awhile and hard to make sense of but keep in mind that your Mom is still around you all, watching and listening as you move through this time. I still think about and miss my own mother every day, who passed away earlier this year from PC. We were very close and saw each other regularly as we lived but 5 minutes from each other. Knowing that I could no longer pick up the phone and hear her voice was hard to accept, but, I have felt her presence since and she has given me signs that she is still with me, as you will find your Mom is still with you. There is light at the end of this tunnel I am finding but it takes time. I wish you much peace and strength. God bless you all.

 

Thank you for your reply!  I really appreciate you writing me back to tell me about your similar experience,  I know my mom is in a better place and that she is not suffering anymore.  Just I would love to have that chance to hear her voice again and to see her.  I have been writing a journal to her, kind of like talking to her on the phone except I am writing a letter to her.  I think that has helped some, I am at least getting stuff off my mind. Sometimes it is hard to write in it though!

I have not had any signs or presence that she is around.  But I really hope to have that soon!  I have asked her to give me signs.....  I am glad that you had signs that your mother was around though.  I wish that no one would have to experience something like this with their loved ones.  It was like it was as fast as a car wreck.  Too fast to even process.  I hate that you had to go through it also.   Maybe we can communicate with each other and help each other out sometime on this grieving process.  Thank you and God bless you!!!!