Grieving

6 Posts | Page(s): 1 

Grieving

by sandiekm on Thu Jun 11, 2009 12:00 AM

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I've been wanting to post here for support since last December, but didn't because I didn't want to be a "downer".  

My dad was diagnosed around December 15th.  He had symptoms - difficulty swallowing, fatigue, etc, for at least a year.  After weight loss and vomiting, he finally got diagnostics when his regular doctor was out on vacation.  His CT scan showed "spots" on liver and lungs.  After his CT, they scoped his esophagus and found a "small mass".  They biopsied it, and it was positive.  It was determined he had EC, with mets to liver, lungs, and lymph. 

His wasn't exactly young - 74 - but a very youthful 74.  He wore Berks and Levis, gardened, grew an avocado grove, raised chickens, played Poker on-line, and lived large.

His docs gave him 6 months - I wasn't so hopeful.  He had lost so much weight - I gave him a couple months.  In the short time after his diagnosis, I read the message board every day, many times a day, wanting so much to hear hopeful stories.

He died on February 2nd - less than 2 months after diagnosis.  I held him and rubbed his back and feet until his last few hours.  He asked me to help him "go" the day before he died.  I told him I would, but I never had to follow through with my promise - he died that night.

I am so sad and I miss him terribly.  I hate EC.  I thought he'd be a Berk Hippie, driving his jeep in So Cal, for another 10 years, at least!

I miss my dad so much...    

  

   

 

   

RE: Grieving

by tongrenhealer on Fri Jun 12, 2009 12:00 AM

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So sorry about your Dad. Although we like to encourage each other, it certainly doesn't mean you shouldn't post news which is sad. I read a book our oncologit recommended last winter and the thing that stayed with me the most was that the oncologist who wrote it talked about hope and from his perspective (and I tend to agree), he thought hope was not being blindly optimistic but rather facing the reality of things with open eyes and moving forward with all the consequences in view. Hope is a wonderful thing, and a necessary part of healing, but death and grief are part of the big picture, so we need to be aware of that too. I am 52 and my husband is 53. We have a 23 year old son, and I know he expects his Dad will still be cruising around for years to come, and that somehow I am capable of holding it together and beating this beast. He is in grad school 1/2 a world away so I pray he is right.

If you don't feel right, like you are discouraging the group, feel free to email me privately. Sometimes we just need to vent, and whatever we say does strike a chord for someone else, and is helpful.

Sorry for your loss.

RE: Grieving

by Anniedips on Fri Jun 12, 2009 12:00 AM

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I am so sorry you lost your wonderful dad.  Cancer is a monster.  I lost my husband Mike to gastroesophageal cancer February 22, 2008.  I miss him every day and am still grieving him after 15 months.  I know he is waiting for me; that keeps me going for now.  I know I will see him again.  And you will see your dad.  It's very hard to go on without them, but remember how your dad fought to live and I remember how my Mike fought to live - life is precious. 

God bless you,

Diane, Mike's wife

RE: Grieving

by Ever4015 on Fri Jun 12, 2009 12:00 AM

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I am very sorry for your loss. Yes cancer is a terrible thing and at times unbeatable. Have strength in knowing your dad is no longer suffering. I wish I had more encouraging for you but I know it is a difficult time, I lost my oldest sister to ovarian cancer over 20 years ago and my dad to liver cancer over 10 years ago, it is tough but your dad would want you to go on and you will see him again someday. 

Evelyn

RE: Grieving

by paysongeorgi on Fri Jun 12, 2009 12:00 AM

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I too am sorry for your lost. I am fighting my 3rd cancer and I know how hard it is on everyone. We all face loss in our lives and it is not easy. There are no words to really help those in sorrow. I just beleive that someday I too will see my lovely departed family and friends. May God Bless You.

Payson

RE: Grieving

by YJackT on Mon Jul 13, 2009 12:00 AM

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Very sorry about your Dad, but you took care of him till the end and that is what counts.  I made the mistake of putting my Dad in an assisted living facility from Hell and I have regretted it for the rest of my life.

Please know that you were a blessing in his life and did for him what he needed and when he needed it.

  God Bless you

 

Jack

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