Help !!! Should i tell my kids?

 Here I go again .....after 2 surgeries, sigmoid and liver ,2 bouts of chemo,my life was rosy I was happy to think this was behind me....It come back.*@%#^&! Lymph node is enlarged and can not ,at this time be operated. So I will start chemo for the 3 rd time in the last 4 years....

My adult single children(29 and 24) live in another country,Korea and Australia .The first time, they come back and stay for a year, since i did not die, they left again. They were angry,rude and snap and i felt bad disrupting their lives. They never ask about my health we hardly ever e-mail,last time I got a phone call was on mothers day. They act that it never happened ,and avoid to talk about....They ask : how are you mum? I say: oh ! great! and we talk only about the weather and futility's...

 I promised myself i did not want this added stress again. I fell sad ,i can not count on then for support or anyone else. I have no family besides them and a husband(common law) for 35 years who's selfish and I at times inconsiderate....but still at my side ,but not involved or interested .... Fear, I guess....

WHAT SHOULD  I DO? deal  with this "crap" alone? i very strung mentally , i do not want pit! I will not let anyone know this time, my friends neighbors and friends at the gym ... they did look at me different and act patronising....I hate that !!!!

They way people deal with , is worst than cancer itself !

Dear Esperanca: How sad for you. Many people do not know how to deal with someone with cancer. Your children are angry and in denial and they are being "mean" as this is the way they choose to deal with your illness.

Please forgive them. Just write them a lovely card and say I have to have chemo again, I am so sorry you are angry with me for being ill but I love you as you are my children. Forgiveness is a huge part of getting well from cancer and letting go of fear. You have a right to be angry. It sounds like some ofyour aquaintances have the same attitude. WE have all suffered it. Couple of my friends accused me of making up I had cancer to get attention. They are forgiven but I no longer see them as it is not worth the energy. Surely you have a couple of close friends you can rely on. Pamper yourself, tell yourself although you are going to have chemo you are special. Have a massage do some fun things laugh!!!

Watch your diet, add Cod Liver oil, Curcumin, Vitamin C, fresh Vege juice, no sodas, light frequent meals. walk daily. Sit in the garden. Here is a link to a site from a lady with different cancer but her Curcumin caps work well for all cancers and they boost your immune system.

Please take care and know someone really cares and you are not alone, there are thousands of us out there who have suffered the same type of rejection from husbands, wives, kids, family. Forgive yourself, release the fear. EAsy NO but we are praying for you.

Here is the link:

http://margaret.healthblogs.org/

mms

On 6/21/2009 Esperanca wrote:

 Here I go again .....after 2 surgeries, sigmoid and liver ,2 bouts of chemo,my life was rosy I was happy to think this was behind me....It come back.*@%#^&! Lymph node is enlarged and can not ,at this time be operated. So I will start chemo for the 3 rd time in the last 4 years....

My adult single children(29 and 24) live in another country,Korea and Australia .The first time, they come back and stay for a year, since i did not die, they left again. They were angry,rude and snap and i felt bad disrupting their lives. They never ask about my health we hardly ever e-mail,last time I got a phone call was on mothers day. They act that it never happened ,and avoid to talk about....They ask : how are you mum? I say: oh ! great! and we talk only about the weather and futility's...

 I promised myself i did not want this added stress again. I fell sad ,i can not count on then for support or anyone else. I have no family besides them and a husband(common law) for 35 years who's selfish and I at times inconsiderate....but still at my side ,but not involved or interested .... Fear, I guess....

WHAT SHOULD  I DO? deal  with this "crap" alone? i very strung mentally , i do not want pit! I will not let anyone know this time, my friends neighbors and friends at the gym ... they did look at me different and act patronising....I hate that !!!!

They way people deal with , is worst than cancer itself !

 

Hi Esperanca,

Gez, I am so sorry that you have so called loved ones with so little compasion. You are probably better without their negativity. As it is hard enough to deal with as it is. You may want to tell them your dealing with a health issue and will keep them informed if they want to be involved. If not fine.

 I have rectal cancer and I am alone. No family,children.So to help me-for myself I got a book of daily spiritual inspirations, I joined a cancer support group and because I need chemo and radiation for 6 weeks before surgery I opted to join a group of cancer patients to be shuttled to the radiation treatments (5 days a week for six weeks) It helps to know and see I am not on this journey alone. Scared, yes and still angry.  I did tell a couple of people and got mixed reactions. So hard to know who to let in.

Hope this helps

Take care

On 6/21/2009 Esperanca wrote:

 Here I go again .....after 2 surgeries, sigmoid and liver ,2 bouts of chemo,my life was rosy I was happy to think this was behind me....It come back.*@%#^&! Lymph node is enlarged and can not ,at this time be operated. So I will start chemo for the 3 rd time in the last 4 years....

My adult single children(29 and 24) live in another country,Korea and Australia .The first time, they come back and stay for a year, since i did not die, they left again. They were angry,rude and snap and i felt bad disrupting their lives. They never ask about my health we hardly ever e-mail,last time I got a phone call was on mothers day. They act that it never happened ,and avoid to talk about....They ask : how are you mum? I say: oh ! great! and we talk only about the weather and futility's...

 I promised myself i did not want this added stress again. I fell sad ,i can not count on then for support or anyone else. I have no family besides them and a husband(common law) for 35 years who's selfish and I at times inconsiderate....but still at my side ,but not involved or interested .... Fear, I guess....

WHAT SHOULD  I DO? deal  with this "crap" alone? i very strung mentally , i do not want pit! I will not let anyone know this time, my friends neighbors and friends at the gym ... they did look at me different and act patronising....I hate that !!!!

They way people deal with , is worst than cancer itself !

 

Thanks, MM Survive  for the words of hope, it made smile and I'm thankful for you having the time to write and give some love!This site is my life line, here is where i find strength and hope and the advise I need to cope with this illness/family turmoil.... Yes I know I'm not alone ,there are so many is this predicament... Thanks, I will think of you Esperanca

 

On 6/21/2009 CAPeggy wrote:

Hi Esperanca,

Gez, I am so sorry that you have so called loved ones with so little compasion. You are probably better without their negativity. As it is hard enough to deal with as it is. You may want to tell them your dealing with a health issue and will keep them informed if they want to be involved. If not fine.

 I have rectal cancer and I am alone. No family,children.So to help me-for myself I got a book of daily spiritual inspirations, I joined a cancer support group and because I need chemo and radiation for 6 weeks before surgery I opted to join a group of cancer patients to be shuttled to the radiation treatments (5 days a week for six weeks) It helps to know and see I am not on this journey alone. Scared, yes and still angry.  I did tell a couple of people and got mixed reactions. So hard to know who to let in.

Hope this helps

Take care

On 6/21/2009 Esperanca wrote:

 Here I go again .....after 2 surgeries, sigmoid and liver ,2 bouts of chemo,my life was rosy I was happy to think this was behind me....It come back.*@%#^&! Lymph node is enlarged and can not ,at this time be operated. So I will start chemo for the 3 rd time in the last 4 years....

My adult single children(29 and 24) live in another country,Korea and Australia .The first time, they come back and stay for a year, since i did not die, they left again. They were angry,rude and snap and i felt bad disrupting their lives. They never ask about my health we hardly ever e-mail,last time I got a phone call was on mothers day. They act that it never happened ,and avoid to talk about....They ask : how are you mum? I say: oh ! great! and we talk only about the weather and futility's...

 I promised myself i did not want this added stress again. I fell sad ,i can not count on then for support or anyone else. I have no family besides them and a husband(common law) for 35 years who's selfish and I at times inconsiderate....but still at my side ,but not involved or interested .... Fear, I guess....

WHAT SHOULD  I DO? deal  with this "crap" alone? i very strung mentally , i do not want pit! I will not let anyone know this time, my friends neighbors and friends at the gym ... they did look at me different and act patronising....I hate that !!!!

They way people deal with , is worst than cancer itself !

 

 

 Hi Peggy, yes ,we are in the same boat. Having a so called family means nothing.Take care of yourself and thanks to take the time to touch someone..... Yes we need to  be inspired to fight this fight and win this war ! We shall not fell sorry for ourself .we have to be positive and put all the bad negative vibes behind! By the way, whats the name of the book ? I need all the help i can get it .... Thanks Esperanca

 

  

If one of them get sick,give them the same treatment.