What Will It Be Like Towards The End?

Hi my name is Deb and I’m from Michigan and I’m new to this so please bear with me. On July 17th, 2002 my mom was diagnosed with non-small cell lung cancer, she has tumors on her left lung and lymph glands. When I received the news from the doctors it was like a knife being plunged into my heart and I cannot pull it out. My mom is 69 and is in stage 4 but she is showing no symptoms. The doctors told me a yr. ago that she had maybe 6 months to a yr. and radiation and chemo would prolong her life for a few months maybe, well it shrunk it some and almost killed her because it burnt the backside of her esophagus off and she wouldn’t eat or drink. We took her into the emergency room and all they did was give her pills that she couldn’t swallow, they acted like they didn’t care. So we took her to another hospital and they put a stomach tube in and she got better and now she's still doing fine, no symptoms except that cough. My question is this...I need to know what I’m up against when she starts feeling ill. I need to understand what it will be like towards the end...all doctors tell the same, she will need oxygen and pain medication. Is that it and then she will go quietly? I’m so scared I just don’t know what its going to be like, can anyone help me understand? Thanks

Honey I don't have many answers. All I can tell you is that my aunt had lung cancer. My cousin just could not handle the dismal prognosis and took her here and there, searched the net for answers, etc. and would have taken her anywhere for treatment, but she refused to go anywhere else. She was old and said she was "ready to go to a better place". For several weeks, after she was bedridden, the hospice people came and cared for her. My cousin wanted her to stay with her at her home and they got a hospital bed. She did not suffer at all. She had great pain medication and was not "knocked out" all the time, but could communicate with visitors up until a few days before she died. All the hospice care I have heard about has been wonderful. They will bathe her if you want them to and will come any time you call them.

I can sympathize with you because my 48 year-old son, who is with us now, has stage IV non-small cell lung cancer which had gone to his brain. One brain tumor was removed the first of December last year, and radiation done on the other. He had one round of chemo and will probably start another next month. They don't seem to want to do radiation to his lung and possibly not even chemo, since there is no cure and he is able to be up and around and not in pain. I am so sorry that anyone has to endure this terrible thing but it's all around us and who knows who will be the next one to get it. I was in shock at first, you never want to outlive your children, at least I don't, and he was big and strong. We think we can't stand such trials, but we have no choice, without doing away with ourselves, and that is a coward's way out. I have prayed for strength and I know God will help me see this through, heartbreaking though it may be. My son is on lots of prayer lists but whatever God's plan is I can accept. Hang in there and just take things one day at a time.

Write again and let us know how you are. PB

Hi Deb -
Having lost my father a few weeks ago to cancer, and also having been through it myself (at the age of 25 I was diagnosed with stage 3 kidney cancer) I can tell you that you are facing what may possibly be the toughest time in your life. I don't know if you are the primary caretaker for your mother, but it is extremely tough on everyone involved. From observing what my father went through when he found out he was terminal, there are many stages that your mother and you will go through; anger, sadness, denial. The chemotherapy that he underwent made him very sick and didn't do much to prolong his life as they had claimed it would. The most important thing I found was to do all I could to keep him from slipping into a deep depression - ask her doctor if anti-depressants might be a good idea. I'm sure she will experience some pain, but these days, hospitals and doctors are doing a very good job of pain management, especially when someone is terminal. As for you, I found that reading a lot of books from the library helped me come to terms with what was going to happen - books on caring for the terminally ill, preparing for death, and grieving. I wish I had more words of wisdom, but unfortunately there is no easy answer. Hang in there, my prayers are with you and your family. Take care.

Hi,
Three years ago my sister-in-law died of cancer. It started as stage one breast cancer and went through her whole body. For about two years she was fine then the cough started and the doctors thought she had an allergy or bronchitis, but finally the doctor sent her to a lung specialist and she was told the cancer was in her lungs. It went through her spine to the brain. She was bedridden for about three months and lost control of her bodily functions. The respite center in the city was great. They will talk to the family tell you what to expect, help you through it all bring special equipment as it is needed and support you in every way. She went while sleeping. Maureen

Dear Deb:

I am sorry to hear of the illness in your family. I too am from Michigan. I lost my mother 6 years ago to breast cancer. She was a 10 year survivor and then it came back in the form of a tumor in the brain and she had 3 years of the second time around with cancer. My brothers and I along with my 2 small children kept her at home and cared for her. We were very active in her care. We had the help of Hospice which I can not say enough about the wonderfull help they gave us. I dont know if you have children but because I had small children that were involved in her daily life, Hospice put into place a safety net for them by sending someone to their school twice aweek for 2 hours each time to help them on their level to understand when the time came for their grandmother.

As doctors are only human, they can not tell you exactly when time is up, but they have a pretty good idea and since Hospice deals with death hands on, they were more able to help us see and deal with the signs of death in a dignified manner. I would suggest that you contact your local Hospice and talk to them with your concerns as they are helpfull.

To answer your original question, keep in mind there are no two people the same with any illness or death. But I can tell you that in my mothers case, she was not in pain as the doctors and Hospice had a wonderfull pain management for her. Towards the end my mother was on morphine and oxygen. She passed away in a restfull sleep with no pain. It is hard to loose a loved one and hard to loose them before your eyes. If you need a shoulder feel free to contact me anytime. God bless you and yours........ Shelley

Hi Deb,

My name is Laura and my brother Nat (38 years old) was diagnosed march 2003 with stage 2 adenocarcinoma. He had a lobectomy on 4/24/03 of his upper right lobe and was informed that he was cancer free and the lymphnodes were not affected. We were estatic. Shortly after his surgery he had backpains which were not going away no matter what type of medication he was given. Nat had done some chemo but only as a precaution. For 3 months straight there were endless doctors and emergency room visits at leasst twice weekly because of his severe pains.. Finally on 7/16/03 his oncologist said "Nat I dont like the way you cant walk or the way you ;look, I'm sending you for an MRI". BAM thats when our world came crashing down. Yes the cancer had metastisized to his hips and tailbone and back in both lungs again. I couldn't understand why this was happening. I kept questioning the doctors...chemo was only optional.....we've been going to the doctors and hospital...how could this possibly been overlooked knowing he had lung cancer....why didn't anyone care enough to test earlier to possibly stop the tumor from growing so rapidly and causing to much pain...ANGER and FEAR was a major component for me more so that him, after all I kept the majority of the info to myself because I didn't want him to know the severity right away, after all his was told on his 38th birthday that it was incurable.


Its now 1 & 1/2 month later and Nat is now confined to a wheelchair and I had made our livingroom into a bedroom for him. I am his caregiver. They stopped his chemo and gave him 10 treatments of radiation and have him on Iressa ( apill form of chemo). He is on a large number of pain medications which i give him sparingly because I don't like to see that stoned look in his eyes and when he's stoned like that he cant eat. Ive changed his diet to include much more veggies and protiens and less carbs and he seems to feels a little stronger, even if its psyicological. Its very difficult to watch him deterioate so quickly right in front of my eyes and my youngest brother is very sensitive and we cry together in disbelief. Nat was always so independant and strong and now he needs me to help him every step of the way. We cant believe it, hes young and strong, this shouldn't have happened. But onlt GOD knows and I have pulled a lot stregnth from HIM.

I'm sorry to keep rambling on this way and everybodys circumstances are differennt, but I did want to let you know what I have experienced so far and to reitorate that prayers are very effective no matter what religious denomination you follow.

May God Bless You and your family

Hi Laura,
I'm so sorry to hear that your Brother (Nat) is not doing well. I'm the person that asked you about Iressa for my Husband (August) and you were kind enough to answer. Know that God does listen to your prayers and I will keep you and your Family in mine. You are doing everything possible to get Nat well and keep the faith that he will. I know it tears at your your Heart and Soul to wonder how could all this happen. God bless you all. Anna

Hi Anna,
How's hubby doing? Well I hope. I know God is listening and He will hopefully answer everyones prayers and the cure for cancer will surface. You know, the more I read the more I understand that its more than traditional medicines that help people, Its the spiritualness and faith that eases the pain and brings comfort. Also talking with other people that are going through the same troubled times lets us all feels that we are not alone going through this and the isolation we feel is minimized. I find these boards extreamely helpful and I've gained so much more knowledge here than I've gained through the doctors themselves. You know, I asked Nat's doctor about vitamins and nutritional support, and all she said was to take a multivitamin everyday and eat a balanced diet. But she was only partially right, she never mentioned about cutting out the sugars and carbs and also never mentioned that certain vitamins stregthen the immune system so the body can combat the tumors themselves, this information I learned here in these message boards.

I wish I could take Nat to the treatment center in Illinois, but its so far away and I have nobody to watch the dogs and take care of things here. I have been speaking with the councelors and as far as medical treatment is concerned the doctors here are doing the same as they would over there, so all I need to do is the nutritional and spiritual support and Gid will handle the rest......Its times like this where I am happy that my parents aren't here to see Nat this way(physically) and I know that they are closer to God than me and can pray for him where they are now. Although sometimes I do wish they were here to help me with Nat, but watching their faces would most likely kill us. But I know that they are his guardian angels and help us much more than we probably realize...



take care and God Bless

Dear Deb,
I read your messeage and my heart broke for you. My mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 non small cell lung cancer in July 2003.

She hadn't been experiencing any symptoms and the doctor found it through a blood test that was done on a yearly basis. My mom was a breast cancer survivor for 18 years. This cancer was a whole other primary. My mom was on chemo and then tried Iressa. My mom passed away six months to the day of finding out about the lung cancer. She went very fast and I am thankful she did not suffer much.

Take the time you have with your mom and cherish every moment. Talk, cry and share everything you are feeling. I am most greatful for the closure I was able to have when the end came. Please feel free to contact me with any questions for I have done a alot of research and believe traditional medicine is not the only alternative for cancer treatment. My thoughts and prayers are being sent to you.

Sincerely,
Pam C.

Hi Deb, my name is Sheryl and I'm from Hawaii. I'd like to thank you for asking a difficult question. I would also like to know the answer to this question as my husband was diagnosed in April 2004 with non small cell lung cancer stage 3B. We are still awaiting more tests before the physicians decide if surgery is still an option.

This is the first time I've replied to a message and don't know if I'm doing this correctly. I hope people reading this message will advise me.

I'd like to thank you again Deb for your question and will await answers to you question. Please take care of yourself and my best to your mom.

Mahalo,
Sheryl