Dad has pancreatic cancer, now with Hospice

Dad was diagnosed on 4/22/09 in the ER with stage 4 Pancreatic cancer that already was in his liver and spleen. We did chemo for 3 rounds, then met with the Doctor and agreed the chemo was not helping, but was causing Dad to have no energy. We signed up for Hospice the next day.

I moved in with Dad , who has been living alone for about 20 years now. I have a wonderful husband and three wonderful children 16, 12 AND 10. Here comes the part they make shock you the most, my entire family moved in with Dad. This was of course his idea. At first we were going to try and just work it so that I was here, but Dad wanted us all to move.He has always been a selfless man, I am a reasonable and cautious woman who felt this would overwhelm Dad.

Here I am almost a month after moving in, it has been the best times I have ever had with my Dad and with my family. Yes Dad is sick. I know he may only have a few weeks or days left, but dispite this we are still enjoying every minute of every day.

I am so happy I am in a position to be able to do this and I urge everyone to find a way to be there with the person you are carring for as much as possible. Our 2 am talks in the kitchen have made us even closer. Dont wait until they are in the worst of shape and down to a day or so to be there. You will miss out on so much.

Dad is so happy he is able to get closer to the kids and has enjoyed saying things to them he feels he should teach them about life and their future while he can.

I have watched my children become very considerate and caring, not to mention they are doing more in the way of chores then ever before. Without complaining now!

I have had Dad point out many of my parenting flaws. All in a way that I had to laugh about. The best on being about a pickle. My daugher asked for  a second pickle right after finishing one, It was about 2pm in the afternoon and I instantly said no. Dad waited until she left the room and asked what I was saving the pickles for. I said" nothing I just do want her to eat them all"  He said why are we having company? Are you going to be putting them on display later?' I had to laugh. I said I dont know why I said no except that I thought one was enough. He said let the girl eat another pickle, it is just a pickle and we can always buy more. I realized that I usually say no if the kids are asking for a second of anything. I dont even think about it. I have also realized that sometimes I say no just because its a habit.

Dad and I still laugh about putting a jar of pickles on display.It is a fun moment that I will always remember

Hey Dadysgirl,

  My grandmother died on Sept 11, 2000 with pancreatic cancer at the age of 83.  Her last days were spent with her family.  I was given the opportunity to take care of her for a few weeks and had some of the best memories of those times with her.

  I am now facing my spouse dealing with multiple myeloma and have to say that the times we have shared are so very tender and spiritual.  The caring comes both directions as he worries as much about me as I do him.

  My grandmother blessed me by allowing me to care for her in the end times of her life and this lives on in me.  I was touched by your expression of such moments as well. What your children are learning with your dad are things that will stay with them a lifetime...and they too will be able to share with others sometime along the way.

  Bless you and yours as you spend whatever time there is with your father as you are making lasting memories for each other. AMW