new to this site

Thanks to whomever has the time to read.  I am new to this site, but have found it to be very helpful and comforting.  My mother in law has been diagnosed with kidney cancer.  She had one kidney removed - prior to even seeing an oncologist.  Nevertheless, she has seen an oncologist and has received her first two treatments of Chemo.  There has been no other history of cancer in the family.  She has high blood pressure - mostly because she is very high strung, very regimented, a 'neat freak', and very thin (she can't stand to be anything larger than a size 4).  We've tried to get her to relax, take it easy.  But, she has her way of doing things and won't hear of any changes. 

She's a wonderful woman, and I want to be as supportive as possible, but I struggle with what to do and what to say, mostly to my husband.  He's an only child and we live 7 hours away by car. 

What suggestions do you have for support to her and her husband, while still trying to maintain a normal life?  I don't want to let my husband down in any way, nor do I want him to feel guilty about not being there with her more often.

 Thank you, in advance, for any and all suggestions. 

First, welcome to the forum! 

I don't really know how to advise you to help your mother-in-law other than just to be there for her (and your husband) if they need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.  When a person first finds out they have cancer there's an initial "shock" stage where they just don't really know what to think or do.  Once the reality sets in, the fight is on, and there will be lots of ups and downs.  Since you live 7 hours away you can't be there all the time, but I think you should let your husband know that it's okay if he needs to go visit her occasionally, and just be supportive.  The chemo often has some pretty horrible side effects, and it is really difficult to see a loved one have to go through this. 

Maybe just let everyone know you're there for them, send a funny card, call on the phone every few days to let them know you're thinking of them, and keep them in your prayers.

Good luck,

Nancy

Nancy, you are so kind.  I cannot thank you enough for your reply.  Your thoughtfulness provides me more comfort than I can express.  And, I know what you have advised is exactly what I need to do.  I will take your suggestions to action, as I know that the more positive I am for my husband, the more he will be able to be there for her. 

We are learning a lot about cancer now, and it's incredible how much there is to learn. 

 Thank you, again, so very much.  If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know. 

Anytime you think of anything else to suggest, please post.  I will be checking regularly. 

 Heather