I m so heart broken. My mom passed away at 5:30 AM this wed.

After loosing my Dad in late 07 and now I just lost my dearest beloved Mama this wed at 5:30 AM on a cardiac arrest after a series of wrong correctional on low Blood Pressure that doctors had ordered (over-dose on several different drugs/ over-meditation). 

I am so heart broken.  I don't know how to get over this loss now.  Why my family?  why my parents?  why my mom??  I have been crying to  the point I cant see much things around me any more.  My eyes are swollen up for couple days now.  Everyone keeps telling me to rest, take it easy before I got sick and sicker... 

I had prayed and even my customers put out the candles for my mom every night after prays, but obviously there were no miracles.  MY mom still died.  I am so mad at God, at Budda...  I dont know, words cant describe how utmost madly I am at this point.  Is there really God and Budda and Angels up there somewhere?? 

This last stay acute hospital staff and doctors told us that we were the best devoted children they'd ever seen through out their 20 yrs as doctors (we even won the most picky and liberal doctors (who prefers terminal label patients to die instead further seekding for an additional treatments) in this hospital) but those are just plain words.  It did not help us to feel comfort either.  They said my mom was lucky to have us as children but reality it was the other way around.  We are lucky to have them as parents.  They always put others' needs above them and US, the children.  When I was young I always was jealous of why my mom took care of my cousins, nieces, nephews, strangers above us...  Now I understood.  My parents wanted to share their fortune, their wealth to other unfortunated people as they did not want to spoil us to ruin our adult lives.

It is so darn unfair that God took my mom life too early.  I havent paid back enough for my parents' time of raising/took care me when I was young.  I understand my mom is no longer suffering as many has tried to comfort me, but, but... her life was too short in this earth.  She'd done so much good deeds in her life so why she died early?  Why she was tortured by this beast disease?  Why??    

I want to do so many things with her, for her.  I was just revise my personal life, my daily routine to take care of her completely and then only 2 months later she left me!   I did not spend enough time with her...  Life is so unfair... sucks in another word. 

Thank you for reading and let me vent on those sadness days. 

Victoria

Dear Victoria,

              I am so sorry about your Mom....and Dad. I know how you feel...I also had two GREAT parents that went why before there time. It took me along time to except what life is really all about. We are put here...so I am told and belive....to do wonderful things and when you have completed your task...you go home. They served their time here and did what they were sent here to do....they were called home for their journey was completed.

             I can not make you feel better BUT I can listen.....so please know I am here. Maybe a support group might be something that would help you feel better....But I know WITH TIME does help.....TIME is the key word. Everyone mournes... this IS natural...some just more then others.

           It sounds like your parents gave you a GOOD life....MANY GOOD memories. Please rember that no one can take your memories away...they ARE PRECIOUS...hold onto them and share them with others who are special to you....keep their memories alive. Keeping you in my prayers that you may find PEACE in God....

                                Hugs Sheila

My Dad has been gone for 14 years now AND I STILL MISS him like it was yesterday....But TIME as helped....and I promise it also will help you.

Dear Victoria,

I'm so sorry about your Mom passing. I lost my Dad 2 years ago, right before I found out I had cancer. And my Mom a couple years before that. I miss my parents so much. I will pray for your heart to heal. And that you will feel the love of God. It's just that God sees things differently than we do. I can't quite understand it, but He sees eternity, not just our short lives here on earth. I'm sorry you are so sad. But you aren't alone. Your life is still going to be worth living, Victoria. There are others for you to love and to be loved by. With prayers, Laurie.

I am so sorry to hear of your mom's passing.  It doesn't matter how old we are, it still hurts.  It's not fair.  Noone can ever prepare you for how much it hurts and how to deal with it, that's for sure.  But, what I can tell you is that time will help, one day at a time, one hour at a time.

It seems like there is a lot of heartache in one family and that it is too much too bear, but you can and you will survive this.  Will you be the same?  No, but you have wonderful memories to relish and in the days and weeks ahead, they will act as a salve to this wound in your heart.

The other thing we often forget is that sometimes the healing we seek for our suffering family is sometimes not done here on earth.  Sometimes the healing comes in heaven.  If your mom knew Christ in her heart, she is healthy, not in pain and rejoicing in heaven.Death is easier on the dying Christian than it is on those left behind.  She's okay. 

My mom had COPD and was on the respirator for 5 1/2 weeks before we had to make the decision to shut off the machines, and it was sooo hard, but, we knew the  decision had to be made.

All I can say is hang in there.  Read your Bible and pray alot for it is in Him that you will gain the strength to get through this.  He will hold you up and carry you.

In Christ,

new to cancer

I am so sorry to hear about your mother and your father.  I also am in the same boat at age 40.  My first feelings were immediate grief and heartbreak and then it transitioned to just plain sadness and disappointment at having lost so many opportunities to learn things from the people that you admire that knew so much.  So much sadness from feeling sort of like an orphan so alone in the world.  As time passes, I have started remembering more happy memories than sad memories and my memories of them both being sick have faded away a lot.  There are no words to express the sadness.  Just a great big huge empty hole feeling.  Some days will be better than others.  And just when you think you can't take it any more, something changes a little bit and you get relief. Whether it be a hug from a friend at just the right time or a smile and a helping hand from a total stranger.  You will get through this.  Just know that some times you have to reach out to others even when it seems so difficult.  It seemed easier just to stay in my house not doing anything at all.  But at some point, I knew I needed to force myself to get out even if to just see a movie by myself, or go shopping, or text a friend, or go feed the ducks.  Every little step will help.  Sometimes just putting on your clothes will be enough for one day and sometimes forcing yourself to go have lunch with a friend will be enough for another day. You will figure it out. Just be patient with yourself. Everything you feel is completely normal and right.  Take care.   

I'm new here my mother who is 61 was just diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiform stage 4. I'm torn should she know everything or let her think it is only a 3 what the Doctors told her. The is not mentaly all there since the surary where they removed what they could of the tumor it is on the right back side of brain . so she has lost the eye sight on the left side of both eyes

God Bless,

I can't imagine how you are feeling, please know I am praying for you.  My mom was recently diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and I am going through all the emotions of losing a parent.  No one can prepare you for these feelings, it just happens and you deal with it.  My prayers are with you as I prepare for my own journey with my parents, please know that you are not alone.  God Bless, TRacy

Hello All,

 I just want to thank you all for the kind words.  It is definitely tough for me to understand why God (Budda in this case as she converted after Dad passed in late 07) took her so soon.  I m heart broken more and more each day...  I miss her dearly and the answer of why is popping in and out of my mind at all times now.  Why?  Where is the logical?  Why it is easy to raise a kid than taking care of elders - run out of steam and old parts need to change as many others had tried to comfort me so far! 

Again, thank you for responding to my vent.  I need some local groups to talk or someone online to grieve this craziness of mine.

Best,

Victoria

Victoria,

I don't know if you'll ever get an answer to WHY. It is not for us to know. The Buddha might say that is not a useful question... Even though it's completely normal for us to wonder! I just wanted to add a couple of things to the warm and wise advice others have offered.

You said that now they are gone and you cannot repay their generosity and kindness. And that is such a beautiful kind urge you had, to take care of them. Bless you for it. But... let me tell you something which might lighten that sorrowful burden, ok? As a mother who would do anything for her sons (for example I would rather it was me with brain cancer than my son if I could save him) I want you to know that if your mother loved you the way I love Andy and Byron, she did not need to be repaid. I don't need it. We do what we do from love.

The very best way that parents can be repaid, other than care in their elder years if it works out that way, and oh god of course I wish it had for you, but the OTHER even better way is to be a good parent to YOUR children... when you have them, and if you do not have children, be a good sister, or friend. Share your love and compassion, as they did, and you will have a good life. Tell your children where they came from.

Your parents sound like they were just amazing people. Their spirits will guide you all your whole life long. Make it a great one, and they will 'see' every day with you.

And I think it is a good idea to find a support group, too. It makes a huge difference to people. I have a therapist I see who helps me. That is an alternative to group formats... whatever works for you is right. And give yourself plenty of time.

Peace, from heart to heart.
Sarah

mom of Andy dx gbm/pnet 1/09

 

 

Dear Victoria, I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  My mom passed away in January 06 and I never had time to grieve as I was taking care of my husband who eventually followed her March 06 at a fairly young age. My mom and my husband were my two best friends.  They both adored each other too.  I still miss them terribly but the pain is not nearly as bad as it was when they both died.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of them but now they are happy memories and I can laugh and smile, whereas, before I would cry.  I can still cry occasionally but not much.  I know when people die, everyone says such nice things but both my mom and my husband were two of the kindest most thoughtful people I had ever met.  I think of them now together watching over me.  I was never mad at God, just figured they did their good deeds here on earth and God wanted them for a better life in heaven.  I often feel their presence when times get tough and then I see a solution to a problem and feel better knowing they guided me through some difficult times.  Time is your friend.  Take one day at a time and leave things in God's hands.  He will never fail you.

Jeanne