On 8/6/2009 MBlack wrote:
I lost my mother to lung cancer on July 6, 2009. She was diagnosed with Stage IV NSCLC with mets to the brain :( She managed to survive 50 months after the diagnosis. She had tried every possible treatment -- from radiation to chemo to Tarceva to Alimta and gamma knife for the brain mets.
We laid her to rest recently. She never smoked a day in her life and we were so shocked when she was diagnosed. To this day, we will never know how she got it. She was so brave. She fought this thing down to her last breath. I was with her for all of her treatments and down to the last day of her life when she had respiratory failure. She managed to survive about two days longer when almost everyone didn't think she was going to make it out of the ER. It is so fresh that my last memories of being with her and watching her fight for her last breaths still haunt me and I suspect always will. She floated away in a morphine cloud and when she died, she managed to open her eyes one last time to look at us before she passed. It is the most painful thing ever and no one can ever prepare you for going through it.
I have spent these last years going to the doctors with my mom and being with her that I am not used to not having a phone call from her anymore or not having something in my day that didn't involve her care.
This is absolutely a cruel disease. It made me grateful for the time I had with her but I am so angry because I wanted to have my mother to live to a nice ripe old age and experience all the things the still wanted to do. How will my baby ever know fully what a great loving grandmother he had? She was so full of life and joy that it is so unfair to have robbed her of what more she could have seen, felt. Some days I am can barely accept she has passed. We did all we could. All the praying in the world can't bring her back.
I like to think that she is in Heaven, traveling to all the places she never went to, experiencing all the different thing she longed to do, meeting all sorts of new people. She is watching over me and our family. I know it.
I just wish I could see her again.
I am in the same boat with me. My mom just passed away last Wed 7.29 early morning. She died in pain as she was flooded with several antibiotic IV. I missed so many signs that she was about to leave the earth. I asked the head nurse why mom's eyes turned sudden darken but he kept saying my mom was tired so she was resting, sleeping. She did not open her eyes much since Monday afternoon. I am so sorry mama.... I m sorry I missed reading on all the signs that you were leaving us. I am so stupid, I put my trust at those nurses who constantly told me she was fine, she was just lacking of sleeping but it was the opposite. So many errors, so many mistakes...
I missed her dearly on top of missing my late Dad who passed away at late 07. Each day I wish I could go back time.... sux....
My mom never smoked or even was a 2nd hand smoker. However, she did have a very bad allergy. We now think that was masking her real cancer problem. Was your mom ever exhibiting such Pollen / Tree allergy? I am curious to find out what the cause was...
Best wishes,
Victoria