Moving to be near to Mother-in-Law

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Moving to be near to Mother-in-Law

by asl2006 on Fri Aug 07, 2009 12:00 AM

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I've been searching message boards for advice, but I can't find anything that relates to my specific problem...so any and all advice would be greatly appreciated.

My husband and I have been together for nearly 4 years, but only married for 6 months. He is originally from England, but we have been living in the States for past couple of years. His mother was diagnosed with breast cancer about 3 1/2 years ago, but after treatment went into remission for 2 1/2 years.

The cancer came back right before our wedding and is now in her bones and liver. She is not doing well, but she is not so far along that she is bed-ridden. Although the doctors have not given a time frame, it seems as though that this is the beginning of the end.

I have been coping with his anger, depression and lack of affection, and as difficult as that all is alone, that is not my key concern. He wants to move back to England ASAP to take care of his mother. There are 3 other siblings, 2 of which live with the parents, and a loving doting husband...but because my husband is a freelance musician, he feels that he can take the time off to watch her.

I, on the other hand, cannot move to England until I receive a spousal visa, which would take considerable time and money, neither of which we have. As we both work freelance, we live check to check and now only have one meager check coming from me. The end result is that it is not feasible for me to move there and I will need to get a full-time job in the States to support our existing bills, as my husband doesn't plan to find full-time employment while in England. I don't mind getting a full-time job, but it will just make it all the more difficult to be able to go to see them as needed. Plus, he wants to stay through to the end, which could be a year or more.

I'm trying to have patience and understanding, and I'm trying to not be selfish, but I think it would be better if he went back every few months for a week and not plan the big stay until things become much more terminal. I try to talk to him about everything, but he responds that he has to be with her, and that if he and I have to be apart for some time, we'll survive.

Can someone give me advice?

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