Hi...Hang in there. With just a few changes I could have written your letter 4 and 1/2 years ago. Out of the clear blue I was diagnosed stage iv squamous cell lung cancer with a met to my brain and skull. I rapidly went thru all the scans and tests you are getting. I was 66 at the time, and was devastated because I was in such great shape and felt so good. I had stopped smoking about 8 yrs before and thought I was home free of the lung cancer threat. Here I am 4 and 1/2 years later and just returned from a fishing trip. Life has mostly been good. I have had a ton of treatments and medications, including much radiation. I started with a neurosurgeon removing the brain met, and a chunk of my skull. I then had radiation on that area. I then had 15 weeks of chemo, and then radiation soon afterwards for a growing met in my lower spine. 18 months after the first brain met surgery, a big 5+ cm met was found under the back of my brain. My neurosurgeon removed this one in a difficult operation that left me sight defective to the extent I could drive no more. My wife is a good driver so I took that in stride. I had directional radiation on that tumor site(no whole brain!!) and survived with my faculties pretty much in tact. I was put on Tarceva in July '05 and have not missed a day since although I was reduced from 150mg to 100mg/day at some point.
I had a squamous cell on my scalp removed a couple of weeks ago, but that was only complicated by it being on the titanium screen that replaced the chunk of my skull removed in 2005. Prayer has been a huge help in my survival and treatment. I did my first skydive last year at 69, and have done a bunch of other things on my "bucket list". This all says that there is hope. Treatment is a little better each year. Just get up each morning and give thanks for each day, and spit in the eye of cancer and go ahead with life. Life can be really good even after a stage iv cancer diagnosis.
You are on the same tract I have been on. I was hopeless for a while and wasted what should have been good times, but I did not waste too muhc. I have met a ton of great folks in all sorts of setting thru cancer. Good luck, and stay positive, and get great folks to pray for you.
Ed