Mom in last days

My mom was diagnosed in September of 2008 with colon cancer which then spread to her lympnodes, liver, stomach and has now reached her kidneys and brain. It's very aggressive, obviously and she's has tried MD Anderson and other treatments but is now too weak and tiny (she weighs about 75 lbs and is 43 years old) to undergo anymore treatments. So, she is not eating except occassionally with a feeding tube and is in constant horrific pain 24/7. We had to move her from the hospital into a hospice clinic and we just don't think she's coming out of this or coming home. It's really hard because they are in Arkansas and I'm in Texas. I did go visit her to say my goodbies three weeks ago but I can't help but cry and feel emotional over this. It really affects every day life for me. I'm constantly worried about that final phone call from Dad. I know I'm rambling...but I just wondered if anyone else had ever been through this??? Advice on coping maybe?

hi im only 12 but i no what it is like to lose a parent i lost my dad and it is very hard to deal with and if yuo want to talk although you are older i no what you are going through i had to help be a caregiver justin

I'm really sorry about your mom. She is very young, not that any age isn't hard.  I lost my mom to ovarian cancer in 06. I know the constant crying and emotional spiral you're going thru. And this may seem insensitive, but it was almost easier after she passed. She still lives but without the pain and fear. She still is part of my life and hears me when I talk to her. And I can hear her when I answer myself with her words.  My sister lived out of state and she still feels the guilt of not being there for her. I don't want you to feel that way, but you probably will. I feel guilty because I would drive by and not stop MANY times because I couldn't handle seeing her that way.  The only thing I found that can be taken to heaven or left here is your love for each other. Make sure it is said and not just " unspoken".  It took my mom to pass before we were able to hug and say I love you to each other. (dad, brothers and sisters). It took that for us to be closer. Pray for her and you and your family for inner peace and know she will still live. God bless you and your family.

I have recently been through a death in the family.  My what i would call her "grandmother in law" who was in my life for 27years, passed away in Feb 09 from stage IV lung cancer.  I, and so many others were by here bedside at her last days and her last moment.  It is an extremely heart wrenching part of your life and you feel helpless.  Hospice is a great place to be, they are trained professionals and the are extremely informative.  They will and are able to assist you with any questions, fears that you may have.  I would suggest talking directly with the caring hospice nurse to see how your mom is doing, how are her vitals, oxygen level.  This will give you an idea if you need to make a trip to see her again.  If you feel in your heart that you should be there, than if you can I would suggest to go.  That will be the hardest thing to see your mom go thru but you will know that you did what you could to send her home in peace.  If you can't make it than just know that she is your mother and she KNOWS you love her with all your heart. 

My prayers and thoughts are with you during this time.

Vanessa

I had planned a trip for October for sure but when I talked to Dad yesterday he said to be prepared for 'the call' from him. He said everyday there is marked regression. He says she looks so tired and even asked him if he thought she fought hard enough because she's ready. It just breaks my heart. She is also raising my sister's two kids who are 9 and 11. Dad is going to need help with them, he's 56. I just don't know what to do yet. I wish they would move back here to live with me and my husband. All I can do is pray for guidence. Thanks for everyone's responses! I will keep this thread updated as the days go on.

I completely understand. My mom has stage 4 colon  cancer. the cancer is now in her bowels . After the surgery if she can get  80% better we can start the  treatments again but if not then the cancer will spread. I have cried , worried, and  could not  sleep. I had to take a antidepressant to  go to sleep. I had to finally except the worst but stay positive for that  miracle. I have create  a blog  that people can  state their  fears, worries, poems, words of  encouragement, and etc. here is the link  http://howtostaystrongforaloveone.blogspot.com/. I completely understand. My mom is 67 and I am  27 years old.  All I know is my mom. But the  mom's strength will get through and you have to believe the same. If you need to talk you can post on my blog and I will answer. 

 

On 8/13/2009 ChristinaM wrote:

My mom was diagnosed in September of 2008 with colon cancer which then spread to her lympnodes, liver, stomach and has now reached her kidneys and brain. It's very aggressive, obviously and she's has tried MD Anderson and other treatments but is now too weak and tiny (she weighs about 75 lbs and is 43 years old) to undergo anymore treatments. So, she is not eating except occassionally with a feeding tube and is in constant horrific pain 24/7. We had to move her from the hospital into a hospice clinic and we just don't think she's coming out of this or coming home. It's really hard because they are in Arkansas and I'm in Texas. I did go visit her to say my goodbies three weeks ago but I can't help but cry and feel emotional over this. It really affects every day life for me. I'm constantly worried about that final phone call from Dad. I know I'm rambling...but I just wondered if anyone else had ever been through this??? Advice on coping maybe?

Pls try to take some time off at work (medical leave?) to come to see your Mom again. I think her time is near and you would blame yourself once she passed away.  I spent 2 precious months with Mom and still felt it was not enough at the end.

Best wishes,

V

Mom passed away yesterday at 3:20pm. I got the phone call at work. I completely lost it. Had to go home. I don't know when the funeral is but I'm planning to go today. Yes, I have guilt for not being there when she passed. But my dad was there with her. I'm just glad she isn't in any pain anymore. I just feel at 29 I shouldn't be losing my mom. Especially to such a horrible disease as colon cancer. My dad is just inconsoleable. He tries to be tough but I can hear it in his voice. He is also raising my sister's two kids, age 9 and 11. I don't kow what we're going to do as a family now but I'm sure God has a plan. More later. Thanks for all your replies!